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Google to Fine EU For Totalitarian Soviet Attitude That Frankly Stinks

 

“We are demanding that Brussels pays Google 4.9 billion dollars for being a bunch of totalitarian assholes,” some guy called Schmidt yelled from an emergency boardroom meeting on Wednesday

As for Larry and Sergey, they are set to make their own YouTube video on how the EU ‘sucks balls’ and is trying to dominate every facet of our lives.

“Have you seen the EU, they have thousands of laws and regulations for tooth brushes, pillowcases, and even shower curtains. What kind of a world do we have to live in where the tentacles of the EU reach into every facet of our lives? We’re American by the way. Who the hell is this EU telling us Americans what to do and fine us for that amount?,” an angry Mr Page said from his unregulated American exercise bike.

 

Queen Celebrates Royal Income Boost by Flying Her Favourite Spitfire Around Balmoral

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The Crown Estate made a whopping £328.8m profit last year, mainly due to those ‘ghastly’ wind farms the royals invested in.

To celebrate, the Queen took to her personal hangar, and plopped herself into her favourite Supermarine Spitfire, which she lovingly calls ‘Smithy’.

Squadron Commander, Benson Molyneux, trained Her Majesty only last year and was astonished at her natural flying skills.

“She took to the throttle like a baby does a bottle. Before we embarked on the first flight, the Queen asked if there were any Jerries we could shoot down? With a hearty laugh, I exclaimed that we could always make a sortie to Berlin or perhaps Brussels.”

Merlin

The Queen now flies her Spitfire whenever she feels like it, and has even taken her favourite Corgi, Willow, up into the clouds on occasion.

“One likes the feel of the Spitfire, especially when one is conducting a half roll loop at 300mph at 15,000 feet. Yes, one has stalled a few times, that was during my third flight, one was rather careless with one’s elevators which are very sensitive and one brought up the control column too rapidly during a loop. The aeroplane shuddered and one heard this clitter clatter sound much like Philip’s hip joints, bringing the left wing suddenly downward. One managed to recover relatively quickly by cutting the throttle, applying opposite rudder to the spin, moving the stick forward gently until the spinning stopped, then gently applying one’s throttle to level the flight. One was very cool and measured at that point, but one nearly made a poopy in one’s panty.”

image courtesy: ninj b3ta

Brexit Betrayal: Theresa May Must Be Ousted By Brexiteers Immediately

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Betrayal by Remainers

With a Remainer Chancellor, Remainer PM, and Remainer negotiators in the mix, anyone who thought Brexit would ever happen is sadly mistaken.

According to reports, the Remainer PM has tabled a deal so bad with the EU that Brexit might as well only happen by name.

Theresa May has extended the free movement of EU citizens to five years from the EU referendum, an extension of two years. This means Britain will not be able to secure its borders by late 2020/21.

The Home Office said it wanted to avoid a “cliff edge” in applications the day after Brexit, and so would grant a period of up two years’ grace for EU nationals who could demonstrate five continuous years of residence in Britain.

What the new ruling would do, is create a last insurgent rush from the EU, where another million or so would enter the UK. The cut-off point should happen immediately to thwart any such rush.

The Daily Squib is appealing to all real Brexiteers within the Tory government to immediately conduct a rearranging of deck chairs on the sinking Brexit ship, and is calling for Rees-Mogg, Redwood, Davis and Duncan Smith to do something about this mess fast before any more damage occurs.

What has happened to the Conservative party today? It is sickening to watch such a lilly livered bunch of wannabe socialists actually becoming socialists. Where the fuck are your balls?

Therexit NOW!

There must be a coup immediately. Code Red. Theresa May is not fit for purpose, she should be sent to the glue factory to be processed.

GO!

An apology to our readers and Theresa May. This article is wrong and is grossly misleading and hysterical in nature. Theresa May is in fact doing a great job at Brexit under the circumstances. The ex- Squib writer, Goebels Langoustine, is now working for the Evening Standard, where he belongs.

The Last Interview of Zbigniew Brzezinski: “War is Getting Closer”

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After our interview with the greatest living statesman, Henry Kissinger, we applied our attention to the democratic representative of global brinkmanship, the esteemed adviser to many presidents and brutal geopolitical chess master, Zbigniew Brzezinski. War is coming.

Sadly, after speaking to us, a week later, Brzezinski passed away peacefully at a hospital in Virginia on the 26 May. We respectfully held off publishing the interview as a sign of respect and a period of mourning.

Zbigniew Brzezinski may be construed as evil by many, but at the higher echelons of power, good and evil are semantic aspects of human society and morality. The upper echelons do not see things or actions as black and white, but more grey.

“You ask me about the future. All I see is war and conflict. How can this be, you say? Well, it is inevitable simply because of earth’s finite resources and the massive explosion of populations, especially in the Third World. Mass breeding in poor areas of the world only creates suffering, poverty, drought, unrest and pollution. The starting bell for World War III was on September 11, 2001, and since then countries have been scrambling to position themselves globally for the final showdown, the hot war, as we are entrenched in a cold, economic war through intermediaries and proxies.

“The most populous country in the world, China, wants every citizen to own a car, to live like the people do in the West. We are talking about 1.4 billion people. The pollution and waste that China produces daily is at an unsustainable level already, can you think for one second what it will be like when every Chinaman gets an automobile? The only positive I can find, is that many die early in China due to environmental pollution, but still their population grows at an incredible rate. China is now deep in Africa carving up the raw resources and taking as much as they can before it is all irreparably gone.

“Added to the equation, we have the United States, it makes up only 5% of the global population yet uses over 40% of the earth’s resources. We ourselves are fuelled by greed, and the need for constant growth at the expense of the rest of the globe.

“The European Union is hurriedly building their own EU army to counteract Russia as well as poke it with a stick, however I feel this will be too weak, and the Russian bear could easily cut through Europe like butter in a few days.

“The detestable Russia, brings forth even more certainty that war is coming, as they dig deep into Syria and the Assad regime, threatening our daily operations. By crossing the red demarcation line, the U.S. and Russia are now playing in the same sandpit, and sooner or later there will be a meeting. The restless Putin is preparing for a hot war (full nuclear strike) by building vast bunkers in Moscow and the Urals called the Yamantau complex, as they are prepared to absorb any strikes if need be.

“It is easier to kill one million people, than it is to control them”

“Meanwhile, Iran is building up its nuclear weapon arsenal with the help of the Russians and Pakistan, and it is no secret that Israel has had nuclear weapons for some time now. The purge will cleanse the Middle East of the undesirables, as the Zionists create a Greater Israel from the rubble.

“I, myself, have dreamed about seeing a New World Order established after the purging of the population, we call ‘useless-eaters’. The masses today are too awakened, too politicised and frankly this makes them very dangerous. The internet has helped the masses more than the elite, to gain some kind of foothold in knowledge, and I am against the people knowing too much or them being given a voice. I will sadly not see the new cities built from the ashes and bones of the billions who will die in the coming war.

eco-city conflict, military, battle, war

“We, the masters, the elite, have found the technological prowess to survive in the future with robotic slaves and AI, instead of the human slaves we have now. The post-consumerist society will be a technological-driven society where breeding will be heavily controlled. We have waited patiently to reach a certain level of technological advancement and even though we are close to the prize, we are not quite there. In the next decade, when we have created autonomous robots and life enhancing nanotechnology, the final purge will be called upon. For our future, technological cities will not be able to flourish and survive with a population of poor alongside it. Our goal is to reduce the population by over 90%, one can read this manifesto in the Georgia GuideStones, where the conspiracy theorists of the internet divulge their own theories about what is written in stone.

“The question always asked is which power will dominate the post-war landscape? We have the necessary technology to destroy those Russian bunkers by creating weaponry that explodes deeper into the soil and rock, and we have the technology to neutralise China, Iran and North Korea. We can even absorb a first strike, as collateral damage to us is a mere part of playing the big chess game. To lose cities like Chicago or New York is in fact a blessing, let the Russians do the work for us, the people do not matter, and they are only there as tax slaves. In the future there will not be any tax, or useless eaters. The only ones who will inhabit our future technological cities will be those who are useful to humanity.

“Alas, I will not see the future cities, or watch the glorious war and purge, but I have played a part in the creation of the great work, my life is complete.”

End of interview. Our reporter is ushered out of the hospital room by Brzezinski’s minder.

Cosby Juror: “When I Sat Down in Court Bill Handed Me Glass of Water”

 

The case against Bill Cosby for allegedly sexually assaulting Andrea Constand was deemed a mistrial by the Pennsylvania judge overseeing the proceedings.

According to the unnamed juror, just before the final deliberation in the case, Bill Cosby brought over a glass of water to the female juror, who had been coughing.

“He smiled and said I should drink up. I didn’t think anything of it, but wondered why the water was slightly fizzy at the top. The next thing I remember is waking up in the courtroom and the judge calling a mistrial. Everything else was fuzzy, I have no recollection,” the juror visibly shaken told the Pennsylvania Times.

Bill Cosby has been accused by many women of drugging them then committing acts of unadulterated sexual intercourse on their drugged lifeless bodies. The women usually wake up after many hours not remembering a thing that happened.

Looks like Cosby is now Scott free to carry on doing what he enjoys doing so much, and getting away with it too.

DAY OF RAGE: Bourgeois Islingtonian Leftists Get Their iPhones Out

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They will be wearing their trendy sneakers, sporting iPhones and designer shirts made in some sweat shop in the Philippines, shouting anti-capitalist slogans and ingratiating pro-Corbyn backwash.

Such is the hypocrisy of the modern day Corbynistas, who holiday in Tuscany, with their champagne socialist fervour debate at great length on the evils of capitalism whilst sipping Bollinger by the gallon.

What these idiots probably do not realise is that under a Corbyn government they would be the first to suffer, but alas, they are too ignorant to understand.

Yes, you see the odd Lily Allen, the runt nosed celebrity who smirks inanely whilst trying to hide how fucking wealthy she has become through the capitalist system. If she was a real socialist she would give all her wealth away, but of course, that will never happen, will it you self aggrandising piece of untalented privileged turd. It would naturally be delightful to watch if she is mugged by her ‘fellow lefties’ as they leave her floundering in the gutter searching for her top of the range iPhone, or iWatch. She deserves nothing more than some tramp to vomit into her ugly pug face, the warm fermented stomach fluids easing into her gasping open mouth. Enjoy the taste of socialism at work.

Maybe we might come across fellow revolutionary, Russell Brand, as he exits his chauffeur driven Bentley three streets down so as not to be caught out. This chap adores Corbyn, and is a true Marxist, yet if it came to a real violent revolution, one suspects he would be the first to go as well. During communist purges, the most talkative are usually shot in the head first, well, they talk too much, they can’t be trusted. Bang. Brand’s brains fall out the other side of his skull, he is a threat that knew too much, and talked too much, a terrible combination in communist regimes.

After all the jostling and whistles die down, that’s when the police usually introduce the kettling. Frustrations will blow over especially in the heat, and then the revolutionaries will want to all go home to be with their mummies and daddies.

Another day of rage, where the only rage should be against the misguided leftists who have been tricked into following Jeremy Corbyn, the Pied Piper of Islington and chief commie bastard.

The fact that the very event, Day of Rage, was organised through social networks (owned by corporations), on their smartphones (owned by corporations) serviced by phone services (owned by corporations) is neither here nor there to these leftist communist hypocrites sipping their Starbucks vanilla latte coffees.

Viva la revolución!

New EU Brexit Gameshow Starts With a Bang

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Just imagine entering a gameshow where all contestants are meant to start on a level playing field, when suddenly you’re handed a bill for £100 billion and told nothing will go ahead unless you pay up right now.

Well, that’s probably how poor old David Davis, Britain’s Brexit Secretary felt like yesterday when he arrived in Brussels for talks with EU Rottweiler Michel Barnier.

“Hello, pleased to meet you, shall we get started then?”

“First, you have to pay £100 billion, then I may talk to you, mon amis.”

“Er, what is your legal rationale for handing us this bill you conjured up out of thin air?”

*raising voice* “They question that there is a legal basis for an exit payment, you cochon, it is because there will be a €10bn euro per year black hole that will be left in EU budgets after Brexit.”

“Well, we’re sorry about that but once we leave we have nothing to do with the EU budget. That’s your problem, not ours.”

“Listen here Ros Beef, you wanted to join EU, now you want to get out, there is a price to pay, and you will pay the bill we give you for dining at our table. We have pensions for unelected eurocrats to pay, we have unlimited expense fees to pay, what about Juncker’s cognac bill or the Greek black hole money pit?”

“Well, according to our books, you owe us money. We have paid absolutely billions into your coffers and got pretty much nothing in return. What’s your answer to that?”

“You English imbecile, Britain was our cash cow. We cannot afford to lose your money, so pay up or I will smear escargot juice all over your Savile Row bespoke suit.”

“Why did you Frenchies plant trees on the Champs Elysées?”

“Because it is aesthetically beautiful, and the French way, is that right English idiot?”

“No, because the Germans could march in the shade.”

“Why, you pig, I will increase the bill to £200 billion now.”

“Go ahead mate, we ain’t paying a penny any way.”

*Meeting ends and both parties leave the podium*

Transcript of Unaired Portions of Megyn Kelly’s Interview with Alex Jones

On FEMA concentration camps:

Megyn Kelly: Your critics call you a fearmongering conspiracy theorist who disseminates baseless allegations and profits off the unrest you sow. What is your response?
Alex Jones: That makes me sadder than when I learned The Hershey Company assassinated Corey Haim because he found out they’ve been chemically engineering Jolly Ranchers to turn our children into Jihadists. Did you know that when you suck on a Jolly Ranger, you’re lapping up the Koran? Especially the cherry-flavoured ones, because “Cherry” was what Allah’s friends nicknamed him back in the day. My point being, I’m a journalist who exposes the corruption of the political-corporate-religious industrial complex. Profit is the furthest thought from my mind.

Kelly: Why then did you apply to trademark the phrase FEMA Concentration Camp?
Jones: To prevent the government from trademarking it first. Uncle Sam wants to imprison us and make action figures in our likeness and then sell those action figures in toy stores and then have Hollywood make a cartoon out of those figures and then a movie franchise out of those cartoons. But because I, Alexander Hamilton Jones, bought the trademark the government can’t profit off of the concentration camps, meaning the plot has been foiled. You’re welcome.

On Global Warming:

Kelly: Given the overwhelming scientific evidence, how in good conscience can you dismiss global warming as a myth?
Jones: L.L. Bean sold more sweaters this winter than ever before. Square that circle for me. You can’t. You can’t, cause you can’t square a circle. I’ve tried. Spent a weekend with a magic marker, a power drill, and every size and shape of Tupperware. We had leftover smashed potatoes one night and nowhere to put it. But, like I told my baby girl, geometry is really a mind control formula invented by Middle Eastern soothsayers thousands of years ago so that one day their descendants would invade our great nation and imprison us in Rubik’s Cubes.

Kelly: What happened to the smashed potatoes?
Jones: My baby girl held them in her baby-girl hands until I got hungry. That’s what family is, Megyn. It’s room-temperature smashed potatoes seasoned with the patriotic tears of a child who can’t sleep through the night because Barack Hussein Obama lives under her bed.

On making English the official language of the United States:

Kelly: The United States prizes its cultural diversity. With that in mind, can you appreciate the offense people take when you call for English to be the country’s official language? Jones: You gotta understand, it’s not that I don’t like people who speak the wrong languages. Just the opposite. If I didn’t like them, why would I want the government to force them to learn English? More people who speak English, more people I get to chitchat with. But I do like them, and so I want them to speak the best language.
Kelly: You’re saying English is a superior language?
Jones: According to the experts, yes. Language people, whatta you call ‘em, the ones who know all the lingo….lingo-ists! They say English has the most words, which means you can pray to God with more variety, which means God is more likely to listen because He hates reruns. Also, English doesn’t have accent marks, and I for one don’t like my vowels wearing hats. It’s rude. Look at it another way: what language is better than English? German? Jeebus, please. A thousand doctors performing a thousand hernia exams could recreate the German language in under an hour. Eskimo? If you need that many words for “snow,” you’re not shoveling fast enough. Arabic? Megyn, have you ever taken a gander at that alphabet? It looks like a support group for low-motility sperm. I don’t know about you, but I won’t speak to my family in the tongue of melancholy semen.

On Justin Bieber and Ferdinand Magellan:

Kelly: You have derided parents who encourage their children’s adoration of Justin Bieber. In 2011 you ranted, “[Ferdinand] Magellan’s a lot cooler than Justin Bieber! He circumnavigated the entire globe with one ship. He was killed by wild natives before he got back to Portugal, and when they got back there was only like eleven people alive of the 100-something crew and the entire ship was rotting down to the water line! That’s destiny, that’s will, that’s striving, that’s being a trailblazer and explorer! Going into space, mathematics, quantum mechanics, and the secrets of the universe! It’s all there – life is fiery with its beauty, its incredible detail….they wanna shatter your mind talking about Justin Bieber! It’s pure evil! They’re taking your intellect and your soul…and giving you…Bieber.” Do you still hate the Biebs?
Jones: After his last album, more than ever.

Kelly: Yeah, I’m with you there.

Douglas Silver

THINK TANK: The Rise of Communism in Britain Today is a Serious Threat to National Security

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When we have staunch Marxists like Jeremy Corbyn and John McDonnell commanding large swathes of the electorate, we must immediately ring the alarm bells, for there is something seriously wrong in the country today.

Marxism via communism has been responsible for the deaths of over 120 million people in the 20th century alone, and yet this dangerous ideology is flourishing amongst especially the young of Britain today. The youth have somehow fallen for one of the most malicious, evil ideologies ever created, and yet no one is doing much about it.

Communism in Britain is a serious threat to our national security and must be treated the same way Britain treated the Soviets during the Cold War, only this time, large swathes of the population have been indoctrinated through clandestine Soviet techniques by the Labour party under Jeremy Corbyn.

Reading the words of devout Corbynistas on Twitter, you realise the extent of the problem at hand.

“We must organise. Much like the Bolsheviks, we must take what is rightfully ours through violence if need be.”

“There will be blood on the streets. Dissenters will be shot. Through guerilla warfare Mao was able to take power, and so can we!”

“The election was rigged. Unite as one and we are unbeatable. The million man march will show them our power.”

With calls from Corbyn himself to seize the homes of the rich to house migrants, one can see the dangerous mindset of this deranged communist madman. There is no doubt that Corbyn would arrange for violent action to take over the capitalist democratic state and destroy the monarchy.

From Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, Mao Zedong to Lenin and Stalin, all these communist dignitaries have one thing in common, they came to power through violence and warfare. Who is to say that the same will not happen in Britain?

The only way a true communist regime can come into power is through revolution, which means warfare, guerilla tactics, and fighting in the streets.

The first thing the communists always do is kill 40%-60% of the population. All people who might in the future get in the way of the soviet state are purged. From the base population, the hierarchy then indoctrinate the rest of the population and shape the state in communistic ideals and utilising Pavlovian technique, brainwash citizens completely.

For those remaining within the populace who still resist and show dissent of any kind, they are shipped off to gulags (concentration work camps) where they either die from malnutrition or over work.

The threat Britain is facing is a very real one. In the General Election 2017: 61.5 per cent of under-40s voted for Labour. Many of the young people were only voting for free student loans and other freebies touted by the Corbyn led Labour party, maybe some of these numbers are aware of what communism is, but it is suspected that many do not know, or simply do not care as long as their student loan is written off.

With the current weak state of the ruling Conservative party, and the resurgence of communism in Britain today, we must be very careful to keep the peace in the country. All it will take is a few more mistakes by the Tories, or in-fighting that will rouse the extreme left Corbynistas to act, whether violently or not.

For true communism however, Corbyn and his Marxist Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, will not hesitate in mobilising and manipulating their brainwashed troops to react, to cause chaos, and to agitate to bring forth total anarchy.

Engels’ 1870s work Anti-Dühring describes the process of revolutionary change. The quote begins with “The proletariat seizes state power and turns the means of production into state property to begin with. But thereby it abolishes itself as the proletariat, abolishes all class distinctions and class antagonisms and abolishes the state as state.”

Lenin not only supported violent revolution but believed it is “inevitable.” Thus, we see the danger of Labour’s communist ideals under Jeremy Corbyn, who did not win the election in 2017, and is now pushing for change through the Momentum group, through violence, agitation and mass civil disobedience.

Lenin said that violent revolution is inevitable and “the necessity of systematically imbuing the masses with this and precisely this view of violent revolution lies at the root of the entire theory of Marx and Engels.”

It is not too late to thwart Corbyn and his evil plans. However, we must act now to stop him, before the mass graves fill the horizon of what was once a democratic Britain, and is now a communist prison where many perish without a single thought or note in history.

Theresa May: “So What If I Have Zero Emotional Intelligence”

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May’s job is to deal with whatever comes up, to coordinate the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that fall in her lap on a daily basis. She is not some weepy, emotional flappy person, or hysteric female, but dedicated to her job. She is detached to the emotion, and this is how she does her job best.

Much like other barren women in power at the moment, May like Merkel and Sturgeon are all childless. They did not bow to their natural biological proclivities to have kids, instead preferring to pursue power in politics. Children get in the way for these women, and are deemed beastly burdens for such career obsessed women.

We must not begrudge the choices of these career women, as they made their own choices, and thus should be respected for their right to make that choice.

Ms May is frankly a misunderstood person, she rides so high to the mountain top, she has no understanding of these little people below. This stance is understandable and completely normal behaviour to those who rule over the plebiscite, they exist in their own world, and only converse with people on or slightly below their level.

Dealing with the electorate is every politician’s nightmare, and May knows this only too well. This is why she keeps away from them as much as possible. Unfortunately, this stance showed itself most during the recent election, where May lost the previous Tory majority in the House. Despising the electorate and plebs is nothing to be ashamed of, they are after all the unwashed masses, the uncouth Corbyn followers who believe any lies told to them by their god without question. Naturally, a heavily vetted group of supportive people in a room with May is preferable however fake it looks.

As long as May does her job, what should it matter that she despises the common muck? Being in politics is not about being an emotional blubbering Agony Aunt, but it is about leading and making the right decisions. Let the overly emotional fake actors like Corbyn and his dutiful Soviet followers instead dwell on emotional subjects, while others actually do the work and lead.

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