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Experts: Donald Trump Will Lose Economic War With Turkey

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One thing is certain about Turkey is that it is strategically a mass of land that is crucial in global terms.

Donald Trump’s economic war against Turkey, including sanctions and tariffs, is misguided, and will eventually cause the U.S. a lot of financial as well as military pain. Geopolitically, Turkey is a crucial NATO partner, and not only holds the keys to the East but has the second largest army within the Western military construct. The country’s strategic placement is crucial to Middle Eastern stability as well as the former Soviet countries bordering it. Furthermore, plans for any attack on Iran by Trump would be halted unless there is cooperation with Turkey.

Turkey controls the energy corridors from oil rich nations within the Caspian basin, and although the United States now produces much of its own energy, it still imports more than half of the oil it consumes.

Turkey’s role as a bridge between the West and the East is also of utmost importance. Instead of petty disagreements making mountains out of mole hills as President Trump is doing now, he could be forging new alliances and increasing America’s strategic hold on the area.

To thus underestimate the resolve of the Turks is a grave miscalculation by Trump, and he will ultimately lose any attempt to undermine the country economically in the longterm, because Turkey will look further East and into Africa as it is already doing. Already, closer bonds are now being tied with African nations, Russia, China and even Iran by Turkey, as it moves away from U.S. and EU influence or trade aspirations.

To lose Turkey, as Trump is doing is a grave mistake, and will isolate America further leaving it alone in any future conflict.

Turkey is now the biggest investing power in Somalia, and are achieving more now, than the Americans could ever dream of doing in the past. They are building large military bases, schools, hospitals and roads around the country and securing large amounts of commerce and vital raw materials.

While no one was watching, the Turks have broadened their influence in a country no one dared to try and tame. One only has to watch Black Hawk Down to see what happened when the U.S was last in Mogadishu.

The Turks are even establishing military bases in Sudan, and have increased their reach across the whole of the African continent.

No wonder America is now threatened by the Turks, especially as it moves into countries the US dares not bother with.

Former CIA Director Brennan Cleared For Clandestine Suicide Mission in Siberia

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He may have had his CIA security clearance revoked by President Trump but former Central Intelligence Agency director John Brennan has been authorised for a one way trip to Siberia in Russia.

“I opened the mail this morning informing me that I have been chosen for a clandestine operation into Siberia to check out a heavily armed Russian missile installation; then to steal some heavily guarded secrets, radio them back to Virginia, then if I survive that, to cross the border on foot thousands of miles away chased by hundreds of Russian troops, tanks, dogs, and helicopters,” Brennan revealed to MSNBC.

The one way trip for the former Obama confidante is surely a suicide mission that comes from all the way up top.

According to MSNBC, Brennan has been told he will only be armed with a paperclip to unlock doors and disguised in the attire of a transexual Russian peasant farmer.

Some commentators speculate that this is a cynical ploy to get rid of Brennan who has controversially objected to Trump on social media, even going as far as calling the president’s actions with Putin as ‘treason’.

The Russians are however clueless to the planned clandestine mission and are not awaiting Brennan with machine guns aloft ready to mow him down at first sight.

When asked on Thursday whether he knew about the CIA mission deep into Russian territory, Putin simply smirked, then laughed out aloud.

Should he accept the mission? Well, in his retirement, he’s got nothing better to do, so why not? Might as well go out with a burst of AK 47 gunfire than a Twitter whimper.

Trump Tries Out Eco Electric Chair to Promote Exiting Climate Change Accord

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Made from sustainable materials like hemp for the straps and recycled steel delivered specifically from Turkey with 50% tariffs, the eco chair powered by solar panels can pass 150,000 volts of electricity through a person without even blowing an EU certified eco lightbulb. The perfect gadget for eco conscious Donald Trump.

The creator of this genius piece is not exactly the epitome of science or engineering but some artist called Dave Bishop who is exhibiting the frying art at the Surface Gallery situated somewhere deep in Nottingham, the land of Sherwood..

Fry like some piece of bacon

The Teflon Don, if he parked his wide arse on this gadget would fry like a piece of fatty bacon, and the artist says he even tried it out by frying a full English.

“This thing can do a good fry up. All powered by the sun. Bacon, eggs, mushrooms, slap on the baked beans, some deep fried bread and some sausages sourced from the local farm. It’s fucking fantastic. Can’t wait to see the Donald on it.”

We did not ask the artist whether he plans on sending the chair to Washington D.C. but he has had some interest from the American Democrat party who want to smuggle it into the Oval Office and replace Trump’s desk chair with it. The gallery was mysteriously contacted by a woman called Hillary trying to disguise her voice.

Priced at over £1 million, it’s a bargain for saving the planet.

Come and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe us.

Journey to: http://www.surfacegallery.org/

Surface Gallery
16 Southwell Road
Nottingham
NG1 1DL

Is There Anyone Who Hasn’t Taped Trump Behind His Back?

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One would have thought that there would be some sort of security in the White House, especially with the amount of threats thrown at the Teflon Don president daily, but there seems to be none. Does Donald Trump have a security detail?

“I taped Trump when he said the L word. Yep, he uttered the word ‘linguini’ right there in the Oval Room while I was present,” a former White House worker, and disgruntled book writer revealed to CNN.

Another disgruntled former employee, Fargas Meticulo, recorded Trump say the ‘N word’ not only once but multiple times.

“He kept saying ‘No’ I will not do that, ‘No’ I will not speak to that person, etc, etc. I was so shocked that I recorded it all, and now it’s all over MSNBC.

Even the White House cleaner, Matilda Manahure, has recorded Trump, and has a whole library of recordings. She did not even have to use a micro recorder, and put a microphone on the president’s desk in full sight of everyone.

“In the morning I gets up and I have me an old tape recorder from 1987. I fixes da thang up and takes it to the What Hass! When the Donald’s comes in he don’ even aks me why I am carrying a tape recorder in ma hands, so I clean up his mess on the desk and record away as he tawlks!”

Mrs. Manahure, repeatedly heard the president say the ‘F word’.

“I heard da prez say the word ‘fiduciary’ multiple times and was dang disgusted. I don’t even know what the fuck it means!”

Message to the Teflon Don, get some security dude…

New London Tour Buses Praised by Labour Mayor

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The heavily armoured new London Tour buses come equipped with some serious firepower and armour to counteract any contact with the numerous gangs running around freely in the capital.

With 50 inches of plate steel armour and reinforced tires, the newly introduced tour buses will thus ensure complete safety for tourists who wish to see the sights of London.

On the roof of the bus is a 50 caliber turret gun controlled by the gunner seated inside. The turret gun can spit out 45,000 rounds per minute, with a range of 3km.

“Because of the window protection, tourists will not be able to directly look out of the windows but each bus is furnished with a 4k TV screen so the tourists can view London in complete safety as the cameras record the journey. We also have onboard, a team of ex-SAS men on standby fully geared up with the best weapons, just in case, in the unlikely event that any criminals or gang members try to storm the bus,” Roger Ellman, the tour bus company’s spokesman revealed to the Evening Standard.

All tourists taking the London tour will be given training in using firearms, as well as be dressed in bullet proof vests and helmets.

London Mayor, Sadiq Khan praised the new buses on Tuesday.

“To counteract the mass stabbings, terrorist drive-thrus, mass shootings, mass muggings and burglaries, as well as my wonderful skills as mayor of London, I now announce the introduction of the new tour buses on our safe streets. It is perfectly safe to go on London’s streets,” the Mayor said just before four masked men appeared from a dark alley, mugged and beat him to a pulp.

Liam Gallagher Stops Gig to Give Away Some Bananas

Liam Gallagher’s busy summer took him to a Spanish Festival in the countryside on Saturday, where he cut short an Oasis classic to give away some of his vast banana cache which he keeps on stage at all times.

Gallagher’s manager, Paddy O’Brian, was insistent that the gig carried on despite the singer’s generosity.

“Bananas are his fuel. He can’t go anywhere without his bananas, even when he’s swinging from the rafters at home in Primrose Hill. As a gesture to the appreciative audience, Liam took it upon himself to give away some of his banana stash to the audience. The joy of the crowd was amazing, they peeled the bananas and ate them up whilst trying to sing Wonderwall.”

You can check out some fan-shot footage on YouTube somewhere.

Liam, who was fresh from his “best family holiday evah” in Magaluf is currently working on the follow-up to number one solo debut album Peel My Banana.

Mancunian, Gallagher, who hails from Manchester, likes all things simian, and even has adopted a primate style of walking, as well as a devout love of bananas.

“It’s like a religion, innit. Bananas in the morning, bananas for lunch, and bananas for supper. As for High Tea, banana tea,” Liam Gallagher grunted to Melody Maker magazine in July.

Later on after the concert, Liam took a tour of a banana orchard where the owner reported the singer ate half his crop, then climbed a tree refusing to come down.

Theresa May Counting Days Till She Has Permanent Vacation

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This summer holiday recess from parliament has been rather tiresome for Theresa May.

Sadly, Mrs. May cut short her summer hols for a bit of brown nosing by gate crashing the holidays of French PM, Macron and a few other EU leaders in the Continent.

“Theresa May, in pure desperation put it upon herself to ruin the French PM’s summer holiday, as well as other prominent EU leaders, by trying to bypass EU negotiator, Michel Barnier. She just turned up and started talking about Brexit, which of course was a major downer,” one insider revealed.

One can imagine the French PM thinking he is away from the baying proles for a few weeks to see one turn up at his door begging for some trade deal here or there.

“Who is at the front gates? It better be my special male companion and bodyguard. Ah merde, the British prime minister? Double merde!”

Naturally, it all backfired, and has not only undermined her position even more than is so, but the EU leaders came back and revealed they will go with Michel Barnier after all.

So much for trying to bypass Barnier Mrs. May, you have now made his hand even stronger and it is only a matter of time till the PM takes a permanent vacation away from Brexit and her failed premiership.

Vote of no confidence winds blow in the wind of discontent back home..

Internet Suddenly Really Quiet Without Ranting Maniac

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Suddenly after the purge of a certain site from all known major traffic zones on the internet, there seems to be a strange quiet settling over the place.

*Crickets*

“Every day I would go onto YouTube to watch my favourite videos about people unboxing the latest gadgets and be accosted by videos of an angry maniac spitting fury in every direction, or one of his minions sheepishly babbling on in a cheap suit. Now that’s all gone. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief,” one internet user opined.

On Facebook, things are very quiet. You just get articles from CNN on a constant loop and no talk about how fluoridated water is making Americans into dumbed down imbeciles or other not very salubrious stories instilling fear into the population.

Soon, thanks to our tech overlords, the internet will be a squeaky clean safe space, where no one discusses anything apart from the latest cat video meme doing the rounds. Aaaah!

The internet is finally a clean safe space…Aaaah!

The truth is, it was getting a little too much, and having the lights switched off at that site is rather delightsome to some internet users.

“It was all about fear. Constant fear, and I gotta thank Google and all the other companies that deleted that troublesome old nitter natter from the internets. By golly, it’s so quiet now on the internet that one can hear a pin drop somewhere in Thailand, and I’m in San Francisico,” another internet user wrote on their blog.

Everywhere, sparkling little posies pop up from the fluffy clouds streaming through the internet-verse, and there is no sound of the loudmouth projecting angry fearful headlines, no, just the gentle sound of a breeze blowing through the curtains.

The thing is though, who is next to fight? There always has to be a bad guy, and if all the question makers have all gone, then what will be left? Aaah…nevermind. Just flip on the tube and forget about it all.

New Sovietized Internet Where No One Can Speak Freely

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The days of an abundant free moving internet are long gone. Those were the days before the monopolies took over every facet of peoples lives, and dictated their Soviet propaganda messages daily. You could say anything, download anything, upload anything and no one would bat an eyelid. It was a beautiful time, sadly long lost. The internet at that time was truly an oasis of abundant knowledge, intellectual thought and free speech.  Those days are now a digital memory fading in a dead server somewhere.

After the tech monopolies grew, the free internet effectively died and their totalitarian Soviet message of socialist realism became prominent.

Soviet censorship techniques

During the Soviet era in Russia, the Glavlit would be in charge of all censorship of literature, and the monopoly internet companies today are taking up this same Soviet technique of mass censorship to control speech and instil a socialist narrative point of indoctrination.

Even discussing a forbidden topic on a monopoly tech site today is forbidden, where the user is pilloried, then targeted by the socialist mob, finally resulting in complete deletion.

Is it communism or fascism? One could say both dualities used this form of censorship, and as the Soviets in Russia burned all books written before the cultural revolution, so did the Fascists once they came to power.

 

The monopoly tech companies, primarily zoned in the San Francisco area, are now overlords over all literature on the internet and their allegiance to Chinese Soviet censorship is all too apparent, seeing as the Russians are no longer a Soviet state officially.

Sadly, with the purge of free speech, satire will no doubt suffer. We have already been censored many times, but we struggle on despite the totalitarian censorship purely for our love of the genre. When they completely delete us as well, no one will bat an eyelid, for they will be looking out for themselves. We are now severely restricted in writing our satire anyway, and cannot write as much as we used to. Satire, a once protected genre, is sadly a prisoner to totalitarian politically correct Soviet rules.

Fear

The climate of fear now clouding the internet is as real as a dirty sock dipped in mud and sweat and extracted from a dustbin somewhere in Tbilisi. This stench of fear threatens the livelihoods of thousands, millions of people across the net now who could be purged at any moment.

Is there an escape from this horrible controlled malaise? Yes, of course there is, but no politician seems to have the balls to confront the monopoly tech companies, and it is this silence which could eventually bring upon the end of the politicians themselves. Trump beware.

Since 2008 and the Obama presidency, censorship in all media has increased, and even as he left office censorship levels increased incrementally. Obama’s Soviet Chinese censorship push was partly funded and controlled by various arms of the Open Society Foundations as well as the CCP, through shell companies.

Legally, these social network monopolies are exercising editorial control over their users, in a biased manner, therefore they cannot claim impartiality. By targeting conservative and libertarian voices on their networks specifically, and letting leftwing users off who post overt calls to violence against conservatives, then they are legally liable for what is posted on their platform.

To target websites or people purely on their political beliefs by using Soviet censorship techniques is a tried and trusted method of winning elections, and the monopoly tech companies affiliated with the socialist American Democrat party are ensuring there is a clear path to winning the next election simply by deleting the opposition.

How is what Louis Farrakhan says about Jews not hate speech? Why are his videos preaching hate against Jews and the government still on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook and all the other tech monopoly sites? He is untouched by the tech conglomerates solely because he is black and protected under socialist principles. This example, however, is a sure sign example of bias, and editorial control. The proof is in the pudding, and the pudding is now very mouldy.

The Daily Squib are mere observers, mirrors to events, we see what is going on, we have no affiliation to any political construct of left or right, or any party, or any religion.

In Defence of Boris Johnson – Burqa Not Mentioned Once in Quran

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We all know the reason why Boris Johnson is now being targeted for his comments on women wearing the Burqa, a garment that covers the body from head to toe.

This is obviously coming from the Theresa May crew of Remainers who wish to get him out of the way, considering the current climate of weakness in the PM’s premiership and a leadership contest over the hill.

Firstly, the DS does not subscribe to any religion, political party, so is looking at this in a completely objective manner.

The Burqa

The Burqa is a cultural tradition from Arabia spanning hundreds of years. It is also a particular preference for a woman to wear a Burqa, and nothing to do with the Quran, or Islam, or being a Muslim.

The Quran simply states for women in public to cover the cleavage as a point of modesty, and if a woman is particularly beautiful, to cover her hair and legs in public, so as not to enflame male virility.

In fact, it is illegal for female pilgrims to wear the Burqa to the holy pilgrimage of the Hajj in Mecca.

In Middle Eastern and Asian countries many businesses refuse entry for Burqa clad women purely for security reasons as many robberies have been committed by men wearing Burqas. Wearing a Burqa by a man is also a good cover to get into Hammams (bath houses) so they can check out the women.

In the West, there is no reason for women to wear the Burqa other than an advertisement of their affiliation to Islam, although in reality, there is none, and it is purely a cultural throwback to 400 years in the past. In effect, these women reject Western culture and how Western women display their bodies in public, and are displaying this rejection in full view of the Western population. It’s basically a way of saying I am better than you, to other women.

Therefore, the tool of utilising the Burqa question to get at Boris Johnson is quite ridiculous. The Remoaners, and May sycophants are simply utilising this false outrage as a means to knife BoJo and preserve May’s failing prime ministership.

It is, of course, the right of any woman to wear what she wants, however, it is also the right for anyone to comment on someone’s attire without prosecution, or persecution, however offensive it may be deemed.

One should not be offended if someone does not agree with someone’s garment. It is simply a garment and the Burqa has no religious connotations whatsoever.

Mr. Boris Johnson is seen as a threat to Theresa May’s position as PM and her planned BRINO, therefore it is quite obvious they are using ludicrous reasons to get rid of him.

Note to Mr. Johnson, be very careful in what you say, because these days anything can be twisted around and used against you in the name of ‘hate speech’. This Orwellian, Soviet technique to discredit is nothing new, however we are seeing another resurgence.

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