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SYRIA: Americans Showered With Gifts From Grateful Kurds

Manfred Gonzalez
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SYRIA: Americans Showered With Gifts From Grateful Kurds

Retreating American convoys have been showered with Kurdish gifts as a massive thank you for giving them arms and air cover during the fighting season in Syria.

Specialist, Dean Connor, from Louisiana had a tear in his eye as his Humvee was showered with rotten tomatoes, potatoes and other assorted garbage.

“Boy, it’s so nice to see the good side of the Kurdish people who we armed and gave air cover to during the fighting. We protected and supported their cities, and paid them shit loads of money. Wow! Thanks guys for the great send off, because we’re going home now because the fighting is over. What a great bunch of people.”

The Kurds were showing their gratitude, because without the might of the USA military, they would have been defeated years ago during the war in Syria, which has since subsided.

One grateful Kurdish YPG terrorist Marxist militia member had this to say about the Americans: “Fuck USA! Capitalist swine. I spit on you!”

The Kurdish YPG routinely terrorises Assyrian Christian minority groups in Syria, killing them indiscriminately and turfing them out of their homelands, as well as conducting terror operations in mainland Turkey killing innocent civilians.

Not all Americans are going back for some well-earned R&R and family time back home, some are staying back to guard the oil fields.

Prince William Worried About Harry

Manfred Gonzalez
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Prince William Worried About Harry

Brothers are brothers, whatever happens, and it is natural that Prince William, who is being fast-tracked to the upper echelons of royalty is concerned for his little brother, Harry.

Prince Harry, is faltering and stuck in a rut with a sociopathic narcissist actress who is slowly tearing him apart, and his world into shreds.

Psychologist Andrea Holman, analysed the situation with Harry and Meghan, and did not come up well with her diagnosis.

“Meghan’s ‘pity party interview’ where she took the starring role with ITV revealed something very serious about Meghan, which many already knew. She is a sociopathic narcissist who moves from person to person, she literally shreds her targets down psychologically to their wounded selves, uses everything about them, takes all she can, then moves on to the next chump. Before she leaves, she will pour petrol over the ruined person, toss a match and walk out the door grinning like a Cheshire cat. Her next target will get the same treatment but will not realise who Meghan is until it is too late. Sociopathic narcissists do not have any feelings for people, it’s all fake, and the only person they care about is numero uno, no one else.”

The only hope for Harry is a quick end to his misery, however now that a child is involved, circumstances have been made a lot harder.

The only way to get rid of sociopathic narcissists is to either go broke, or play their own games, but for poor vulnerable Prince Harry, who is sincere in his actions, and totally naive, with a low IQ, he will have to learn the hard way, and get a full rinsing from this woman, before she moves on to her next target.

Prince Harry, will naturally delude himself, and think things will roll over in time, but the longer this charade lasts, the worse the pain will get as Meghan shreds every single part from his rotting carcass.

News That’s Beyond Satire – Edition I

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
News That’s Beyond Satire – Edition I

Greetings from the world of news articles from across the globe that defy satire. We will try to bring you the headlines that have come to our attention in recent times. There will be no regularity to the updates, because we’re too fucking lazy, but check it out anyway.

An Assortment of Headlines That Defy Satire 

gay guy

  1. Man sues Apple claiming iPhone turned him gay – You don’t get crazier than this Russian fuckwit.

“In a suit filed on 20 September, it is claimed a crypto-currency called “GayCoin” was delivered via a smartphone app, rather than the Bitcoin he had ordered.

Crypto-currency is basically virtual money – like an online version of cash – and Bitcoin and GayCoin are some of those currencies

According to the complaint, the GayCoin crypto-currency arrived with a note saying: “Don’t judge until you try”.

“I thought, in truth, how can I judge something without trying? I decided to try same-sex relationships,” the complainant wrote.

“Now I have a boyfriend and I do not know how to explain this to my parents.”

He adds that his “life has been changed for the worse” and he “will never become normal again”.

Apple “pushed” him “towards homosexuality through manipulation”, he claims.

“The changes have caused me moral and mental harm.”

beer

2. Man, 46, started producing beer in his own STOMACH because his gut became colonised by high levels of brewer’s yeast – We couldn’t even fathom this guy’s special power of being his own brewery, and everyone in the Squib office has been studying this article to see if they can replicate his wonderful condition.

“A man charged by police for drink driving actually had a bizarre medical condition that caused his stomach to brew beer.

The unidentified 46-year-old was pulled over in 2014 and a breathalyser showed he was five times over the drink-drive limit.

He maintained he hadn’t consumed anything alcoholic, but neither the police nor his family believed him.

The man was eventually diagnosed with auto-brewery syndrome (ABS) in 2017, after seeing a specialist at Richmond University Medical Center in New York.”

Stewardess And Pilot Standing Against Private Jet

3. Prince Harry Calls for End of Human ‘Greed, Apathy, Selfishness’. This headline goes so far beyond satire, there is no way to even comment on it.

Globetrotting Prince Harry has renewed his global call for increased climate consciousness in Africa, appealing on Monday for more efforts to be made to protect the environment against human “greed, apathy and selfishness.”

Harry, the grandson of Queen Elizabeth, made his plea prior to joining an anti-poaching patrol with rangers in Liwonde National Park, Malawi.

He spoke a day after it was revealed a love for international travel by members of the British Royal Family has placed huge pressure on UK taxpayer-funded police budgets.

SHINKANSEN JAPAN

4. Japanese rail company apologises for a train leaving 20 seconds early. Over here in Blighty, we are lucky to get a train arriving on time, let alone getting an apology for a train leaving too early we pretty much never get any apologies for any of the infuriating delays or mishaps full stop. You have to hand it to the Japs for their polite almost robotic sense of etiquette in pretty much everything they do.

At Tokyo Metropolitan New Urban Railway Co., Ltd. (Head office: Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, President: Koichi Kashiwagi), around 9:44 on Tuesday, November 14th, a regular train (down) takes about 20 seconds from the scheduled time. There was an event that occurred early. We apologize for the inconvenience caused to our customers.

Cute smiling little girl with a pile of books feeling happy

5. Young Girl Arrested At School, Charged With A Felony For Pointing Her Finger Like A Gun – It’s those pesky Americans again, this time going completely over any satirical level measured.

OVERLAND PARK, Kan. (CBSNewYork) – A young girl in a Kansas middle school was reportedly handcuffed, arrested, and charged with a felony – for pointing her fingers in the shape of a gun.

 

That’s all for now folks…until next time…if you come across any headlines that you think are beyond satire, send us an email: editorial(at)www.dailysquib.co.uk – all contributors will get a mention.

Bercow Speaker of the House Now More Powerful Than the Prime Minister

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
Bercow Speaker of the House Now More Powerful Than the Prime Minister

Every decision or attempt to bring in legislation or a deal is frustrated by the biased partisan Speaker of the House, John Bercow.

Through unconstitutional corrupt means, John Bercow has perverted the machinations of parliament to give the remainer MPs the upper hand in every action that is made in parliament by the ailing PM, Boris Johnson.

“Essentially, what we have here is a Speaker of the House, who is meant to be impartial, perverting and corrupting his role in parliament to frustrate and deny the government its ability to govern, which is wholly unconstitutional, and devoid of decency within this place,” a disgusted parliamentary insider revealed.

The worst part of the whole situation is that there are no safeguards in parliament for Speakers of the House that go rogue, and corrupt the institution by perverting the role of the office.

The current government is thus powerless, and at the mercy of Bercow, and remainer MPs to do as they wish in thwarting Brexit, and putting through amendments that will ruin any deal that the government may have put forward.

At this time, Bercow is planning to halt the Brexit deal even being put forward for a ‘meaningful vote’ which has put the government in an impossible position.

The only way out of this situation is to take the Daily Squib’s advice, and bring in a State of Emergency, to halt the corrupt ‘Dead parliament‘ from continuing this morose merry-go-round of profound deviant behaviour by remainer MPs who will NEVER accept Brexit in any shape or form.

Democracy must be pushed through, and a State of Emergency is the only way Boris and co. can implement Brexit cleanly on October 31.

If the government does not do this, then the purgatory will continue ad infinitum and the Conservative party will be ripped apart in any upcoming election.

Harry and Meghan to Take 6 Weeks Off From Permanent Vacation

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
Harry and Meghan to Take 6 Weeks Off From Permanent Vacation

It’s a hard life taking private jets and first class trips around the world where your every whim is catered for and you are attended by numerous staff hand and foot.

Meghan and Harry have announced they will take six weeks off during the Christmas period to travel around in private jets and stay in five-star boutique hotels at the expense of the British taxpayer.

Meghan Markle: “I am existing. Not living!”

Speaking to ITV, Meghan Markle told of her anguish: “It is hard. I have an entourage of 143 staff members attending to my daily needs, and travelling with them can be intense, simply because of the amount of luggage we have.”

Indeed, the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan has so many people in her entourage, they have to take a separate plane to get to each destination.

Some of the entourage include a specific sharpie pen holder (sharpies can come in many colours), four manicurists, five pedicurists, twelve hair stylists, eighteen PR officials, and even six diaper changers for baby Archie, who can have violent blowouts at any time.

Prince Harry, has a rather simpler arrangement and even dresses himself, much to the chagrin of Meghan.

Amongst the many foibles the new Duchess exhibits, is a rather unsavoury appetite for freebies.

meghan hotel2

Whenever the new royal stays at one of these five-star hotels, Meghan likes to take the cutlery and bath robes and anything else she thinks is valuable. In Frogmore, staff have been astounded at the amount of booty Meghan collects from every five-star visit.

“We find bed side clocks, hair driers, Mormon bibles, and even a stool, amongst all the silver cutlery she has appropriated from these five-star establishments. It’s not only the cutlery, if there is a buffet at the hotel, she will ask staff members to take four of five plates worth of food to her room which she wraps up in kitchen paper and takes home. Most of it is then dumped in the compost at Frogmore because she forgot about it, or it went rotten,” one former staff member recalls.

It is certainly hard work being a new royal and many people are now gushing over Meghan on twitter after her tear soaked interview recently on ITV.

“It’s hard, because like, when I had my £700,000 baby shower in America, I got home sick on the plane back to the miserable Britain where everyone hates me. I told Harry, I don’t want to go back to that grey place where hypocrisy filled celebrities are vilified in newspapers and greed fuelled champagne socialism is given the short shrift.”

EU Peoples March: Thousands Communists March on Parliament

Manfred Gonzalez
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EU Peoples March: Thousands Communists March on Parliament

Britain is rife with the political ideology of Marxist communism as thousands of marching and chanting anti-Brexit communists demonstrated on Saturday.

The level of collectivist Soviet indoctrination in the UK is unrivalled as was witnessed by observers.

Communism is one of the nastiest political ideologies ever created, and responsible in history for over 300 million deaths. Dictators like Stalin, Pol Pot and Kim Yung Un are all proponents of communism, as is the current brutal totalitarian regime in China.

“To see the rise of communism at such a high level in Britain is indeed a scary sight. We witnessed young children who had been completely indoctrinated by their parents at the communist march. Many held Marxist flags, and chanted communist mantras during the march. The security forces that defend our democracy were no doubt logging each and every one of these protesters with face recognition cameras. They will all be logged and put on watch lists as anti-British, anti-democratic enemies of the state,” an observer revealed.

 

Soviet communist techniques of indoctrination

Soviet communist indoctrination techniques are used extensively on these subjects marching to parliament to demand anti-democratic actions be implemented.

The communists utilise a process of indoctrination through persistent repetition of short intonations designed to become mind-numbing, eliminating logical thinking and inducing a trance state. Constant repetition of Soviet communist chants brings upon a heightened state of suggestibility and cult-like ultra conformist hypnotic trance states amongst the communist marchers.

Soviet repetition of any mantra, however untrue, eventually becomes a truth to the hypnotised crowds impairing the convert’s ability to make decisions and evaluate new information. The more the communist crowds repeat their continuous lectures, singing and chanting the more awareness is altered and critical thinking abilities eroded.

“These people have skewed the concept of democracy to suit their communist ideology of anti-democracy. To chant continuously that snow is black, eventually makes that false statement a truth to the indoctrinated mass,” a commentator observed.

 

Brexit Betrayal: How Britons Forgot Their Past

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
Brexit Betrayal: How Britons Forgot Their Past

If you forget your past, you are eventually doomed to relive the past in a perpetual cycle.

As we see the Remainers in parliament who are even laughed at by their masters in Brussels as insane zealots, thwarting democracy and dishonouring the EU Referendum vote of 2016, there is only a sense of betrayal felt by those who fought for this country in the many wars of the past.

What was the point of the war if Britain is now ruled by other nations, especially those that Britain so valiantly fought in World War II? The Remainers do not only dishonour the sacrifices of millions of soldiers who fought for our survival and freedoms in WW2, but they dishonour democracy and the 17.4 million people who voted to leave the EU in June 23, 2016.

The utter and sheer sense of betrayal and frustration people feel today doesn’t come close to the fear and courage people felt during the Blitz, but it comes close.

 

There is something terrible happening to a nation which rejects its past victories in battle and instead sides with the enemy. This is what Remainers are doing, by rejecting democracy and our hard fought freedoms, they are also dishonouring the many who fought and died in the two world wars so that Britain could have the freedoms we had before the EU, led by Germany took over Britain.

No one remembers the Blitz any more, and no one cares. Instead, the Remainers prefer to remember the day their parliament stopped Brexit and marched through the streets with their Marxist chants wishing for the British government and people to become obsolete.

At the end of the day, does Britain want to forge its own way, make its own laws, control its own borders, and keep this island nation as its own sovereign democratic entity, or does it want to be dictated to, and lose its sovereign democracy forever?

How Smart Fleet Technology Changed The Industry Forever

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
How Smart Fleet Technology Changed The Industry Forever

The fleet management industry experiences huge changes. That’s because the use of new technologies alters traditional models. Today, companies who are open to innovation gain an upper hand in the competition.

But what exactly are these changes? Enter the combination of GPS navigation, fleet management applications, and telematics. The synergy of these technologies allows Smart Fleet Tracking unlike ever before.

In this article, we’ll explore the use of these innovations and see how companies with fleets to manage can reap many benefits from this.

How does smart fleet tracking work?

Telematics is more than simple vehicle tracking. Companies are able to get all the data points for both real-time and long-term decisions. The devices and their accompanying software account for various information, including:

– The vehicle’s location
– Real-time diagnostics
– The vehicle’s route
– Temperature

All of this information helps to make decisions on the go. Another aspect is the long-term impact of the accumulated data. Mining this data allows companies to increase the efficiency of their operational strategies.

What are the benefits of smart fleet tracking?

Telematics finds its way into the operations of an increasing number of companies. There are tangible benefits of using innovative technologies.

Here are the top benefits of using this technology:

· Lower insurance rates
· Reduced fuel expenses
· Optimal maintenance
· Safer vehicle operations
· Boost in productivity

Let’s take a closer look at the benefits of using modern fleet tracking technology.

#1: Lower insurance rates
Safer operations lead to fewer incidents recorded by the insurance company. As a result, the insurance provider’s algorithms factor in the low accident rate. The reduced insurance premiums benefit the company’s overall cash flow.

#2: Reduced fuel expenses
Fuel costs are ripe for optimization by using a fleet tracking service like FleetGo. The companies are able to find out what they are able to improve in terms of fuel efficiency. There are many factors tied to higher fuel expenditure, including:

– Driver mistakes
– Aggressive driving style
– Inefficient routes
– High fuel consumption due to technical errors
– Unlawful use of company-purchased fuel

It can be surprising how tiny tweaks can make a huge difference in fuel consumption. UPS trucks avoid left-hand turns. This saves the world-famous company millions of gallons of fuel annually.

#3: Optimal maintenance
Every company needs to maintain its fleet. Remote tracking and data analysis can show the best use of maintenance resources. For example, conducting maintenance at the optimal intervals saves money.

Having fresh oil in the engine and the right tyre pressure increase fuel efficiency. Plus, real-time diagnosis tools indicate when any vehicle needs early maintenance or repairs.

#4: Safer vehicle operations
Driver safety is a goal for most companies. Telematics solutions help to track driver behaviour and performance for safer operations. And following a maintenance schedule ensures drivers operate vehicles that are up to the task.

#5: Boost in productivity
Smart fleet tracking creates a feedback system for increasing productivity. There are even creative options for gamification. For example, leaderboards could showcase top safe driving performance. This sets concrete benchmarks for others to follow.

The overall productivity increases after managing the routes based on the collected data. While human intuition is powerful, nothing replaces analysing large amounts of raw data. The conclusions drawn from this inevitably lead to efficient routings.

For instance, take the following example. Fleet tracking could enable optimization by mapping the logistical bottlenecks due to common mistakes in addresses. There are a lot of potential uses that are yet to be put into practice.

The bottom line: smart fleet technology changes the industry

Smart fleet tracking allows companies to operate safely and increase their efficiency. The new technology links GPS tracking, multiple sensors, and intelligent software. The resulting products and services let fleet-owning companies strengthen their operations.

Companies like FleetGo provide cutting-edge solutions for the transport industry. The installation time for the devices and software is kept to a minimum. But the impact of using these services lasts as long as the vehicles are in use.

STATE OF EMERGENCY: Boris You Must Now Act

Manfred Gonzalez
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STATE OF EMERGENCY: Boris You Must Now Act

Whenever a Tory steps on a piece of dog shit in the street they now call out the name of Oliver Letwin.

Once again the Remainer parliament has scuppered a vote on the new Boris Johnson Brexit deal, thanks to a corrupt Speaker of the House, and the smirking puss ball, Letwin.

Constantly under attack from EU operatives within the UK, and EU agents within parliament, as well as the EU from Brussels directly, the British government is fighting for its very survival.

It is not just the survival of the government in question but the very mantle of democracy in Britain that is under threat by these nefarious forces within and without.

We are now in a state of emergency, because if Brexit is not delivered by October 31, there will be a crisis in politics, and democracy in Britain for the next thirty to forty years. Millions of people will never vote again, because they will have seen the EU Referendum result dishonoured. There may be civil disorder and riots daily for the next thirty years, simply because the sheer anger over a Brexit betrayal will eventually boil over. If one’s vote does not count any more what does?

EU operatives masquerading as British MPs have tried to block Brexit with a Benn ‘Surrender Act’ and a Letwin Amendment working hand in hand with their bosses in Brussels.

There have been numerous legal cases brought by EU agents operating in Britain to thwart Brexit and to corrupt the rule of law to aid the EU.

Under these conditions alone, the combined forces of government that have not been compromised must join together to thwart the operations of these seditious agents who are actively working to aid the Sovereign’s enemies here and abroad.

 

STATE OF EMERGENCY – 30 DAYS

22 Scope of emergency regulations

(1) Emergency regulations may make any provision which the person making the regulations is satisfied is appropriate for the purpose of preventing, controlling or mitigating an aspect or effect of the emergency in respect of which the regulations are made.
(2) In particular, emergency regulations may make any provision which the
person making the regulations is satisfied is appropriate for the purpose of—
(a) protecting human life, health or safety,
(b) treating human illness or injury,
(c) protecting or restoring property,
(d) protecting or restoring a supply of money, food, water, energy or fuel,
(e) protecting or restoring a system of communication,
(f) protecting or restoring facilities for transport,
(g) protecting or restoring the provision of services relating to health,
Civil Contingencies Act 2004 (c. 36)

Part 2 — Emergency powers
15
(h) protecting or restoring the activities of banks or other financial
institutions,
(i) preventing, containing or reducing the contamination of land, water or
air,
(j) preventing, reducing or mitigating the effects of disruption or
destruction of plant life or animal life,
(k) protecting or restoring activities of Parliament, of the Scottish
Parliament, of the Northern Ireland Assembly or of the National
Assembly for Wales, or
(l) protecting or restoring the performance of public functions.
(3) Emergency regulations may make provision of any kind that could be made by

Act of Parliament or by the exercise of the Royal Prerogative; in particular,
regulations may—
(a) confer a function on a Minister of the Crown, on the Scottish Ministers,
on the National Assembly for Wales, on a Northern Ireland
department, on a coordinator appointed under section 24 or on any
other specified person (and a function conferred may, in particular,
be—
(i) a power, or duty, to exercise a discretion;
(ii) a power to give directions or orders, whether written or oral);
(b) provide for or enable the requisition or confiscation of property (with
or without compensation);
(c) provide for or enable the destruction of property, animal life or plant
life (with or without compensation);
(d) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, movement to or from a specified
place;
(e) require, or enable the requirement of, movement to or from a specified
place;
(f) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, assemblies of specified kinds, at
specified places or at specified times;
(g) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, travel at specified times;
(h) prohibit, or enable the prohibition of, other specified activities;
(i) create an offence of—
(i) failing to comply with a provision of the regulations;
(ii) failing to comply with a direction or order given or made under
the regulations;
(iii) obstructing a person in the performance of a function under or
by virtue of the regulations;
(j) disapply or modify an enactment or a provision made under or by
virtue of an enactment;
(k) require a person or body to act in performance of a function (whether
the function is conferred by the regulations or otherwise and whether
or not the regulations also make provision for remuneration or
compensation);
(l) enable the Defence Council to authorise the deployment of Her
Majesty’s armed forces;
(m) make provision (which may include conferring powers in relation to
property) for facilitating any deployment of Her Majesty’s armed
forces;
(n) confer jurisdiction on a court or tribunal (which may include a tribunal
established by the regulations);
Civil Contingencies Act 2004 (c. 36)

Part 2 — Emergency powers
16
(o) make provision which has effect in relation to, or to anything done in—
(i) an area of the territorial sea,
(ii) an area within British fishery limits, or
(iii) an area of the continental shelf;
(p) make provision which applies generally or only in specified
circumstances or for a specified purpose;
(q) make different provision for different circumstances or purposes.
(4) In subsection (3) “specified” means specified by, or to be specified in
accordance with, the regulations.
(5) A person making emergency regulations must have regard to the importance
of ensuring that Parliament, the High Court and the Court of Session are able
to conduct proceedings in connection with—
(a) the regulations, or
(b) action taken under the regulations

Best Photo-Editing Apps for Android and iOS

Manfred Gonzalez
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0
Best Photo-Editing Apps for Android and iOS

Not so long ago, advanced photo editing was only limited to desktops. Features like tone curves or the ability to work with many layers were only available on desktop. However, that is not the case any more. Because of a lot of advancements in technology, many features are now available on mobile too.

In fact, you can now edit your photos the same way as if you were on desktop. As a result, there are so many photo editing apps on both Android and iOS. It is, however, difficult to choose the best one. This is why we bring this list of the best photo editing apps for your phone. Remember, there is so much more that you can do with your phone nowadays, including playing online casino games (machines a sous in French) and edit your videos.

ostrich-3026627_960_720

Adobe Lightroom

This app has definitely become the standard for most editors. The app has a very simple interface. Not only that, but it also comes with some great syncing features. We really love the fact that you do not have to be a professional to start using this app.

The photo manager and editor comes with other great features like watermarking, pre-sets, RAW photo support, exposure adjustments, and many others. You can download this app for free but in order to sync your photos across many devices, as well as use the app’s premium features, you will have to pay $10 per month for Adobe’s Photography Creative Cloud plan.

Excitingly, the app, which is also used by popular sports betting sites such as kiwibetting.com, also comes with an in-built camera with options like long exposures, as well as other advanced tools.

image-editing-101040_960_720

Photoshop Express

Adobe Photoshop is well known for professional-grade photography tools. Of course, this app is not as great as the desktop version. However, that does not mean that it will not allow you to enjoy the advanced photo editing features from the desktop version. In fact, you can crop your photos, as well as adjusting exposures. There are many other features that you can enjoy.

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