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Jo Swinson Wants to Be Prime Minister of the United States of America

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Jo Swinson, the Liberal Democrat leader, has claimed her party could take thousands of seats at the general election in America as the next prime minister of the United States.

Speaking to a crowd of women, the deluded hysterical Swinson now claims she will be the next U.S. Prime Minister.

“The Lib Dems are going to conquer America after we conquer the little enclave of New England. We are very important, we are. I am a great Statesman, and I am going to be Napoleon Bonyparte, I mean the Prime Minister of the moon, gabba gabba, gadoink gringot!

Ms Swinson said that the Lib Dems were “within a small swing” in the polls of securing an unprecedented result to capture the whole of America in the election.

The Lib Dems plan on fielding 8,000 of their members in Congress and the Senate as well as take over the supreme judges of America.

“Fucking crazy”

“Our polling shows that we are within a small swing of winning hundreds of thousands of seats in the American House of Commons, because we are the most amazing party in the world, yep, did I say that? Yep, we are the most amazing amazingest party in the universe. Abooga wong wing wang! Lib Dems all the way, Fwuq Brexshit!,” Swinson told Fox news amidst great laughter from the correspondent.

Visiting Grimsdale, Northern England Ms Swinson thought she was in Washington D.C. at one point, and gestured at a kebab shop thinking it was the White House.

“Over there, that’s where I will be Prime Minister of America. I will teach Americans how to do things proper. None of this gun slinging Brexit stuff. Naw. Eeeba jeeba mumble mumble..Soubry did a fanny fart!”

At one point during her visit, Swinson cupped her vast breasts together with both hands then jumped up on one foot as they wobbled with gusto much to the delight of some teenage boys passing by.

Her election coordinator then tried to herd Swinson into a waiting car, but she ran the other way sitting on a wet patch of grass gurgling like a baby on steroids.

Donald Trump, the current President of the United States, having not heard of Swinson before, remarked when asked by reporters what he thought of her threat to the Republicans: “I’d grab her by the pussy. Damn crazy limey women need to get an education in manners.”

Unveiling Comrade Corbyn’s Soviet 10-Year-Plan

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Comrade Corbyn of the Soviet Labour Party of Britain has revealed his 10-year collectivist plan to bring order to Soviet Britain.

Speaking from his dacha in Islington, North London, Comrade Corbyn spoke with great authority about his plans for Britain.

“First thing we will do is imprison and try all rich people in Britain for the crime of aspiration. For us Soviets, to aspire to increase your wealth is nothing but theft unless it is a high party member of course.

“We are for the many, therefore, we will redistribute the riches of wealthy businesses and individuals giving it to the people who don’t deserve it and have never bothered to improve themselves.

“Everyone in the UK who has either registered to be a Conservative in the past or is one today, will be arrested and thrown into one of the many Gulags we shall build in Northern Britain. For high ranking Conservatives like Boris Johnson, they will be hanged in Red Trafalgar Square in front of Soviet crowds.

“All private property in Britain will be banned and redistributed by the state. All properties with gardens will be forced to pay extra state rental taxation.

“All newspapers and media companies will be nationalized and state owned. Any journalist that does not write state sanctioned articles will be imprisoned and installed in a re-education camp.

“All private schools in Britain will be overtaken by the state, and their assets sold off, redistributed to the masses.

“Labour will introduce food rations for every household. Because of our Soviet generosity, to commemorate our election win, chocolate rations will be increased within the first month by 20 grams per household.

“Everyone is entitled to an education, and we will send every child from the age of six months to education camps where they will be taught how to be good Soviets, and learn about the value of communism.

“Everyone is entitled to a home. This is why will build vast blocks of soulless Soviet towers, with lovely flammable cladding on the outside to make them look pretty. We will build rows and rows of these buildings across the concreted countryside.

“Everyone is entitled to health care. This is why we will invite as many immigrants as we can from all over the world, so they too can use your limited health care for free, leaving Soviet citizens with little or no health care funds available.

“Under my Soviet system of order, every citizen will be entitled to live a life of equal misery, and to die early in a grimy Soviet Gulag or hospital.

“Thank you Comrades for your vote in the last real election Britain will ever see. From now on, there will only be an election every thirty years to show how democratic we are with only one party to vote for — the Labour party. United we stand under One Soviet!”

 

Was Rees-Mogg Correct in His Common Sense Comment About Grenfell?

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Speaking to LBC radio host Nick Ferrari, Mr Rees-Mogg said: “I think if either of us were in a fire, whatever the fire brigade said, we would leave the burning building. It just seems the common sense thing to do, and it is such a tragedy that that didn’t happen.”

Mr Rees-Mogg was later forced to retract his comment due to outrage from some members of the public and Grenfell residents.

Okay, let us analyse this comment by the honourable gentleman, who should not have had to apologise for stating an obvious common sense fact.

LOGIC 101

Fire = hot (burns you)

Fireman tells you to stay in hot fire and die.

If fire = hot and staying where you are = death

Get the fuck out.

Analysis of the above problem does not require large amounts of brain power, but maybe a little common sense.

It does not matter if it’s the Queen of England, or your favourite film star telling you to stay in a burning building where you will be burnt alive. For self preservation and that of your family, you would tell that person to eat shit, and run out of the burning building.

Firemen are not the law, and they do not have any right legal or otherwise to stop a person from fleeing a fire raging in their building.

Was Rees-Mogg Correct in Saying People Should Have Left the Grenfell Fire Despite Firemen Telling Them to Stay?

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It is a sad detriment to our current dumbed down society where people take the words of so-called authority figures or agencies as the final word.

The awful tragedy at Grenfell could easily have been averted if the poor souls did not listen to the firemen telling them to stay in the burning building. They had several hours to leave the building safely via the stairs from the time the fire initially started.

If for any unfortunate reason you ever find yourself in a burning building — get the fuck out. If you can feel the heat, smell the smoke, despite what anyone says to you, simply leave.

It is not heartless to say such a thing, it is common sense and key to our survival as a species.

Tactical Voting: Labour Voters Advised to Vote Conservative

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Labour electoral tacticians are advising their core voters to vote Conservative.

Tactical voting is a phenomenon that has bedevelled recent elections causing interesting to say the least results, but the latest advice from Labour central office certainly has raised eyebrows.

Gordon McManus, a Labour election expert explained the reasoning behind the latest tactical voting communiqué.

“Contrary to indoctrinated voters who have always voted Labour, we are advising them to not vote Labour in the 2019 election. They should instead vote Conservative, because tactically their vote will mean that the Conservatives will be elected into office and Jeremy Corbyn will not. For the good of Britain for fucks sake, if you vote for Corbyn it will not only be a wasted vote, but there could be a slim chance that he could be elected. Do you fucking understand what this could do for Britain? We would be taken back to the stone age within a few years, the destruction to our economy would be so horrible that if you vote for him, you might as well go and shoot yourself in the head, that is how bad it will be. If you want to keep your jobs, your homes, your gardens, your bank accounts and anything you fucking own, or ever aspire to own, or do in life, do not vote Labour, instead vote Conservative.”

Reanne Evans Proud Despite Losing To Shaun Murphy On Champion Of Champions Debut

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Reanne Evans is a proud woman after nearly becoming the first female to beat a man in snooker’s top 16.

The Women’s World Snooker Champion lost 4-3 on her Champion of Champions debut but fought back impressively to get a frame away from beating world No.8 and fellow English national Shaun Murphy. Evans won a World Championship qualifier against Robin Hull back in 2017, however, a woman has never beaten an elite male snooker player in a televised event, with Evans having come the closest.

The 34-year-old spoke to BBC Radio Four after the game, explaining the emotions that ran through her while she played and revealing that she’s proud to have had Murphy “on the ropes.”

“I had him on the ropes a little bit at the end,” she said.

“At the start, I played so poorly. I won a frame and got into the match a bit. I went from being nervous, embarrassed to really proud, gutted.”

Murphy would go on to lose 6-5 to Australia’s Neil Robertson in the Group Four final but was full of praise for Evans, who he feels is not getting enough recognition for her achievements to date.

 

“It’s a funny world we live in. This woman here, she’s a 12-time [women’s] champion of the world completely disregarded by the general British sporting public at large,” he said to ITV4.

“People are throwing MBEs and awards out at people left, right and centre – she’s got 12 world titles to her name and nothing after her name. It’s a disgrace.”

Evans went down 3-0 after a shaky start to the match but managed to rally back and force a decisive seventh round. Murphy came out on top with a 130 break, stopping what would have been a historic feat.

Robertson is 5/2 to win the Champion of Champions with Ladbrokes but Judd Trump is the outright favourite at 15/8 with William Hill. Trump is also favoured to win the UK Championship, with Bet365 offering 10/3 odds to that end. Before you go looking for more UK snooker Championship betting odds, though, be sure to check out Oddsmanager for tips and other important information. You’ll also find a wealth of literature on betting as it pertains to most other popular sports.

Ronnie O’Sullivan is at 6/1 to win the competition with Betfair while Robertson is 11/2 with Skybet. William Hill has 8/1 odds on offer where Mark Selby’s chances are concerned and you could also grab a 14/1 bet on John Higgins.

Boyle Sports have also offered odds on the players who will make it to the final, with Mark Williams and Robertson both at 4/1, Higgins at 9/2 and Jack Lisowski at 9/1.

Evans, meanwhile, has expressed her gratitude for Murphy sticking up for her.

“I respect Shaun for saying all that and I agree – but it’s up to other people,” she remarked. “It’s a frustrating game sometimes where you’re at the top of your sport but you don’t really get recognised for it.

“Sometimes you are still not allowed to play in certain clubs, so there is still that stigma, but we are getting there very slowly.”

McDonalds CEO Fired For Viciously Dipping McNugget in Sauce

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McDonalds CEO Steve Easterbrook, 52, has been fired for a consensual session dipping his McNugget into a fellow employee’s hot sauce tub at the world’s largest fast food chain – which is a McSackable offence.

The Burger Alarm

“One thing you don’t do with your McNugget is stick it in an employee’s hot sauce tub, even if she consents to the illicit dipping session,” one of the board members told the Financial Times.

No one is sure how long the nugget dipping has been going on, but it sure has made a mess in the board room with a lot of sauce dripping from the former CEO’s desk.

“We found out about this by following the trail of hot dipping sauce to Easterbrook’s office,” one of the McDonalds investigators revealed. No one knows if this was a frontal or rear dipping nugget assault, but some are even considering asking the Hamburglar to find out.

It’s perfectly fine though, because the former CEO will get a serious amount of cash as a golden arch handshake send off, something to the tune of $35 million plus.

Britain Deserves the Divine Punishment of a Marxist Corbyn Government

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With Labour jumping six points in recent polls, they are now just behind the Conservatives, a party that failed to instate Brexit.

This failure to put through Brexit ‘Do or Die!’ as the Tories claimed has already damaged the party, but not completely, it is limping along, a wounded animal in a cut throat political atmosphere that may soon see the underdog, Corbyn riding high.

With Marxist sympathiser, university students vowing to vote for Labour multiple times, and tactical voting by the Lib Dems, Plaid Cymru and Green Party are set to reveal, as early as Tuesday, a remain pact in up to 60 seats.

The plan will see two of the parties standing down to give the third a free run in key seats. Yesterday, the Lib Dems agreed to stand aside for the Greens in the Isle of Wight.

They are also expected to do so in Brighton Pavilion, the seat held by the Green Party’s Caroline Lucas, and in Broxtowe to help Anna Soubry, the former Tory minister who is leader of the Independent Group for Change.

The moves are being coordinated by a group called Unite to Remain, which is backed by the millionaire Julian Dunkerton, the co-founder of the clothing company Superdry. It has a war chest of about £5m to co-ordinate anti-Brexit activities in 50 seats.

The Conservatives will get hit hard when the election comes, and although they are complacent of a majority, this is in no way assured due to the unnerving tactics of Britain’s hard-left communists.

Britain has failed to Brexit, and it is to this end that it deserves the severe punishment of a Corbyn government that will eviscerate the nation from top to bottom economically and socially.

What the EU Referendum showed us is that democracy in Britain is practically non-existent, and communism is on the rise. The level of dirty tricks and resistance to honouring the Brexit vote is a testament that parliament and large sections of the population of Britain today have communist Soviet ideological tendencies. The sheer level of hatred towards democracy and capitalism is proof that the general shift by the population has gone so far left that it may take many decades to cure the brainwashed masses of their communist Soviet fervour.

Voting for Labour and causing a win for them in the General Election will cause an immediate mass exodus of money from Britain as many entrepreneurs, businesses and rich people flee the country. Labour is not a party of aspiration but one of poverty, victimhood and envy. Those who vote for such an overtly Marxist party have got nothing to lose, and it is their wish to punish not only the rich but themselves as well. You see, British people are ultimately masochists, they enjoy their abject misery, and they do not aspire for greatness, they hate that, they hate themselves, they hate those who succeed in life or business.

It is this self-hatred and masochism that caused Britain to reject the open prison door when Brexit was offered to them. Instead, the British people, the good little masochists they are, preferred to stay in the dark prison of the EU. They could have escaped to freedom countless times, but chose to rot in their EU cell as their EU wardens laughed and spat in their faces.

This is the ultimate psychology of a lost nation who has forgotten the sacrifices made by the brave soldiers and civilians in two world wars, instead choosing to desecrate the graves and memories of those who fought for freedom and democracy.

Soviet communism has won over the youth, as their Marxist tutors indoctrinate them, and this is why Labour may very well win the election.

Boris Johnson is looking rather scared these days, and quite right he is to be fearful of his party’s position in the polls as the organised left continue to dominate the social networks with their soviet message.

When Corbyn wins the election, Britain will effectively cease to exist from that point onwards, as will our nuclear deterrent, thousands of Jews will flee, 90% of Britain’s wealth and business will leave, and the ‘special relationship’ with America will also cease to exist.

Britain deserves this punishment, and the curse of Corbyn, which will infest the nation, a biblical plague of soviet evil will descend across the land taking from the hard-working and giving to those who think they are entitled to free things for nothing. Poverty, pestilence and economic apocalypse will plague this country for the next four or five generations to come after the mass borrowing spree of Corbyn and his cronies is over.

You fucked up BoJo, we were counting on you, but you have potentially given this one to Corbyn wrapped up in a gold plated Soviet star.

Why Gambling is Growing in the UK

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Gambling is one of the oldest and most enjoyable pastimes in the world. Whilst the human race has been gambling for centuries, it’s only recently that gambling has really taken off and reached its full potential in the UK. There are a number of theories at to why gambling is growing in the UK, but what is the truth? Each year in the UK, gambling generates more than £16 Billion, and that number is increasing every single year.

Whilst we’ve enjoyed gambling on a grand scale for decades, why is it that gambling in the UK has only really taken off in the last decade or so? That’s what we’re going to be looking at today, as we look at why gambling is growing in the UK.

Relaxed gambling laws

One of the main reasons why experts believe that gambling has become so popular in the UK is due to the relaxed gambling laws we now have. The UK gambling commission recently relaxed a number of gaming laws and as a result, gambling has increased dramatically over the years. In fact, since these laws and rules were relaxed, UK gambling enjoyed its biggest spell of continuous growth ever.

The Gambling Act 2005

The Gambling Act, 2005, was an example of one of the aforementioned gambling laws we touched upon previously. The Gambling Act of 2005, which ironically came into force in the year 2007, opened up a whole new world of advertising possibilities for gambling companies. Ever notice how, nowadays, whenever you’re watching the football, the golf, the boxing, or any other sporting event, as soon as the adverts come onto the TV the first one is usually an ad for a gambling company? Sports betting, casinos, poker, and online casinos now have greater advertising opportunities when it comes to marketing themselves through offering customers UK signup offers, and they’re reaping the rewards as a result.

Online gambling and smart tech

Without a doubt, one of the biggest deciding factors when it comes to the growth of the gambling industry is online betting. Because we now have the ability to browse the web anywhere, at any time thanks to our phones, we can gamble conveniently online. There are now countless online casinos available for you to browse at your leisure, and as a result, this has greatly increased the amount of revenue that the online casinos take every minute of every day.

More money

Even though gamblers can potentially win big when they gamble, ultimately it’s always the bookies that come out on top. Because we are now spending more money on gambling, the gambling companies are earning more money, and they therefore have more revenue to pump into their businesses. There are now virtual casinos you can browse on your phone which offer you all kinds of fun and enjoyable games to enjoy at your leisure. More money means that the gambling companies can offer punters more games, more options, a better gambling experience, and more fun.

Image by Joachim Kirchner from Pixabay

How to Choose the Best Slot Game for Beginners?

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Let’s get one thing straight right now — online video slots are very easy to play. All you need to do is spin the reels and wait for the best possible outcome.

However, it doesn’t hurt to know a couple of things about this kind of entertainment as that could improve your overall spinning experience and help you master the game. If you are new to slot games, there are a couple of things you need to take into account before making your first spin.

Read on!

Casino Quality

There are literally dozens of online casinos out there, but not all of them will suit you. Some might not offer the type of slots you like, while others might not be available in your location. Also, some might try to trick you into making a deposit and give you nothing in return.

Therefore, be very careful when choosing the casino for playing slots.

Casino Promotions

Some casinos offer various promotions that can give you a boost while playing online slots. These are usually called deposit and no deposit bonuses. They award players with money that can be used for spinning slots or playing other casino games.

If you haven’t chosen a casino yet, make sure to find the ones that offer the online slots free welcome bonus. That way, you will get more free spins and be able to play slots for longer.

Reputable Slot Providers

One way to know that a slot is entertaining and trustworthy is to check which company made it. The online casino industry is a highly competitive one, meaning there are quite a few reputable slot development companies out there.

Some of the most popular ones include NetEnt, Microgaming, Playtech, Play’n GO, and more.

Return to Player Score

Return to Player (RTP) is a term that refers to the overall amount of money online video slots return to players on average via prizes. For example, if the RTP is 95%, the game will return approximately $95 for every $100 players spend on bets.

The majority of online slots have RTP scores higher than 90%. You should go for the ones with the highest possible RTP. Anything above 90% is considered decent.

Slot Volatility

The volatility of online slots can be high, medium, or low. High volatility means you will get big prizes but they won’t happen very often. On the other hand, slots with low volatility will reward you more often, but jackpots are usually much lower compared to the high-volatility ones.

Slot Bonus Features

Modern slots have various bonus features that make this type of entertainment very immersive and rewarding. If you’re a beginner, don’t go straight for the ones with the most features as they can be confusing. In other words, start with the simpler ones that don’t have many paylines or reels.

Slot Grids

The number of reels and rows in a slot determines the number of symbols that are going to appear during every spin and affect the number of possible combos as well. The standard grid structure for the majority of slots is 5×3 (five reels with three rows each), and this is something you should start with if you are new to online slots.

Labour Urging Students and Naturalised EU Citizens to Vote Five or Six Times Each

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In a country where ID is not required at polling stations, Labour may very well bury the Conservatives by winning key seats through a well known Labour technique of individuals voting multiple times committing mass election fraud.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn could thus be installed in Number 10 by Christmas, and Boris Johnson tossed into the ditch as the shortest serving PM in British history.

Radicalised Marxist students who follow the cult of Corbyn and the Momentum movement have been promised free tuition, free lodging, and free food by the Labour manifesto, even though Labour has not mentioned how it will pay for such things.

Students can register to vote at their university and at their home town, thus doubling or quadrupling each vote for Labour. Bournemouth University student, Lucy, 23, demonstrated this Labour technique by posting several tweets about her plans for the election last week.

Lucy wrote to other students on Twitter:

I have just re-registered for both my hometown and uni address . . . in under 120 seconds! If you live at a second address . . . add it to the register and you can vote twice. Register twice. be brave.

In other words, she was intending to cast two votes in December: once in Bournemouth and again in Birmingham. And she was rallying other students to also break the electoral rules (which state that in a national poll, you can only cast a vote in one constituency) and face a £5,000 fine.

Labour activists and other far-left students conducted the same technique in the 2017 election where Mrs May nearly lost.

“You don’t even have to show your voter card, or ID, so we have been urging students and migrants in urban and rural areas to vote a minimum of six times each. We even had one guy who voted eight times in the same constituency on the same day. All he had to do was  go to different polling stations in the same area. This is the only way we will win, and if enough people do this, then we will win and put Corbyn in Number 10,” an anonymous Labour source revealed.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done for legitimate voters in Britain today, because the system is so lax, voter fraud is a major player in elections. This means most general election results in the UK are false and illegitimate fake affairs, not to be trusted.

If Jeremy Corbyn is instated in Number 10, then we will know how he got in, but it will be the fault of the authorities in charge of electoral legislation and law who will be the cause of this utter scandalous mess.

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