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Meghan Sends the Queen a Banana

Gary Malone
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Meghan Sends the Queen a Banana

To say sorry for demanding that Harry leaves the royal family and Britain, Meghan Markle sent the Queen a single banana with the word ‘sorry’ written over it in scribbly black ink.

The Duchess of Sussex has sent a final gift to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, which was received at Buckingham Palace this morning, the official palace statement read.

Meghan’s spokeswoman, Meghan Markle, wrote on the Sussex’s Instagram page that the Duchess was accustomed to only sending bananas now to people since a certain public engagement last year.

Despite being given everything by the royal family, their own refurbished home, their own engagements, the overseas trips they wanted, the wedding they wanted, the staff they wanted, the truckloads of taxpayer money, it was not enough for poor Meghan Markle, who stated she was ‘barely surviving’.

What the Queen will do with the banana is not known yet.

Meanwhile, there was only abject silence from a miserable Prince Harry on the sensitive matter.

Meghan Markle Successfully Splits Prince Harry From Royal Family

Gary Malone
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Meghan Markle Successfully Splits Prince Harry From Royal Family

Meghan Markle, who has split her own family, split from her own dad, has now successfully split Prince Harry from the royal family, and caused a permanent split with his own brother.

“It’s goodbye Prince Harry, he was pretty much the most popular of royals, but he will now bunker down in a cabin somewhere in the Canadian wilderness away from the press and his own royal family. Away from those who can advise him, he will be even easier to control by controlling Meghan. She has sunk her claws so far deep, that it may take a miracle to save poor Harry,” royal commentator Hortense Magilowe, told Sky news.

What is the significance of this fatal royal split?

Unfortunately for the Windsors, it will mean that their family is fractured by an outsider who came in and took away their beloved Harry.

“After they go to Canada and America, we will rarely see Prince Harry in Britain ever again. Instead there may be only Instagram posts where Meghan will be selling stuff as an influencer with sponsorship deals. She will also use Archie to sell products, and even Prince Harry may be roped in,” another commentator revealed.

Progressive – What Meghan Wants Meghan Gets

Today is a very sad day for the Windsor clan, and the Queen who was not consulted first by the couple when they made their announcement, was said to have blown her top. The Queen was already very angry that Meghan had demanded to go to Canada for Christmas and snubbed the Sandringham yearly traditional meet.

Isolated, Prince Harry will be even more vulnerable to the controlling narcissistic grifter, as she takes everything from the poor prince, before eventually dumping him to move on to the next chump. If poor princess Diana is watching this now, she must be weeping into the clouds.

Naturally, the Daily Squib predicted this would happen years ago.

Rebecca Long-Bailey: Hi-De-Hi! From Stasi Camp Stulins

Gary Malone
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Rebecca Long-Bailey: Hi-De-Hi! From Stasi Camp Stulins

“Morning campers! I’m the new continuity camper for Labour’s Stasi camp, where I will show you all what it’s like to be stuck in a gulag with no way out!” Rebecca Long-Bailey shouts through the tannoy.

Poverty for the many not the few

It’s another rosy sunny day in Labour land, the committees are busy doing what they do best, discussing the introduction of their next Soviet policy and massive tax hikes onto the unsuspecting public.

“I’m not mekin’ the tea any more, the Labour party has found woman’s liberation and I will be the new Labour Party leader if it’s the last thing I do,” Long-Bailey yelps as she looks at the image of her former boss leering down at her.

All chalets will be heavily taxed, and eventually owned completely by the Stulins Camp, and if you’re a bad camper you get to go to a special camp somewhere up north called a gulag, where you will be re-educated in the correct Soviet ways, before freezing and starving to death.

“If you’s don’t have a regional accent, one of my policies I have been writing for the past four years with me former boss will be to tek you away and force you to talk like a Geordie or Liverpudlian. It will be a crime to talk all posh under my rule, even though I somehow have a double-barrelled surname meself.”

Here’s to Rebecca Long-Bailey and Labour never being voted in ever again.

Iran Fires Off Few Pathetic Fireworks Avenging General’s Assassination

Gary Malone
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Iran Fires Off Few Pathetic Fireworks Avenging General’s Assassination

A broken bankrupt Iran has fired off a few short range missiles into U.S. bases in Iraq, as a pathetic retaliation to the assassination of General SoleImeini by the Americans. Tehran chose to forewarn the Iraqi Shiite regime who did not inform the Americans about the impending attack.

“This feeble rocket show was a capitulation by the Iranians, and a display of supreme weakness because Iran fears a war with the might of America as they know they would be crushed, despite their exuberant rhetoric. The Iranians will now retreat to their proxies, as is their cowardly stance to face the enemy. It seems Iran is ruled by cowards who cannot face their enemy head on. These are not real men, but pussies,” a relieved American commented on Wednesday.

With no casualties reported by the Americans, there is an emphatic feeling of relief that the Iranian response to the assassination of SoleImeini has been so pitiful.

After a period of three days of mourning, with crazed Iranians stampeding across the streets beating their chests and chanting for America’s death, one would think there would have been a more spectacular grandiose response to the death of the general, but instead, a few cheap missiles fired into a shed somewhere on an American base sufficed. More people died in the Iranian marches during the mourning period.

It seems SoleImeini was not worth much after all.

To their credit, the Americans are naturally jubilant that the Iranian response has been so limited so far, and Trump has been given a reprieve by the Iranians because they are so scared of a full conflict.

The situation could have been a lot worse, as some are depicting on Iranian TV — PURE FICTION.

Iran Retaliation Lottery: Where and How Will They Strike Next?

Gary Malone
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Iran Retaliation Lottery: Where and How Will They Strike Next?

By striking the evil Iranian General Qassam Soleimani and frying him with a few well-placed Hellfire missiles, Trump has made one small mistake, he has given the Iranians the ball, allowing them to retaliate whenever and wherever they want.

The three day of mourning of Solemeini is nearly over.

So, where and how will the fucking Iranians retaliate against the West?

You could be a tourist in Times Square, milling around the crowds, taking some photos and selfies when — BOOM! The bomb knocks you off your feet, and you are caught in the panic as people run in all directions. It was a bomb but not just any old bomb, a ‘dirty bomb’ which has just irradiated a one-mile radius of this great international city. You may be alive for now, but the heavy dose of radiation that you and thousands of people have ingested will most probably result in your early death, and the radiation will make the area uninhabitable for decades.

You could be on the London Underground, the carriage is full to the brim, rush hour, standing, an armpit rests directly under your nose. Boom! You hear a loud bang from the next carriage. The Iranians, nasty as they can be in revenge mode, have set off a Sarin gas device which slowly filters through the tunnel. The last thing you feel is a tightening of your lungs as your sight blurs into nothingness.

You could be on an international or national flight, as you sit back to flick through your book, you notice a man going into the toilets, and he stays for a long time. He suddenly emerges and shouts out Allahu Akbar. That’s when you go to the toilet yourself, in your seat. This lovely Iranian chap has smuggled on a home-made 3D printed plastic gun, which he smuggled onboard in pieces, then constructed in the plane’s toilets. He points the gun at an air stewardess, and demands to be let into the cockpit. When she refuses, he crassly shoots her in the head, her warm brain landing on a passenger’s table as they were about to eat their Chicken stew lunch on the tray. The brain, fresh from its hosts skull, steams the man’s glasses as he stares at it in abject shock. The Iranian reloads, then shoots a window out, losing cabin pressure, many are sucked out into the freezing air, others lose consciousness from the lack of oxygen. The plane goes into a terminal dive.

You could turn on the tap in your kitchen. The Iranians have somehow infiltrated the water utility processing centre. It’s a hot day so you drink the glass of water with gusto. The last thing you feel are your nerves seizing up, as you slink down onto the floor, your mouth frothing, your body shuts down as the chemical agent surges through your system in seconds.

You could be in the White House, eating a cheeseburger and slurping on a coke. The Iranians have enriched enough uranium to a high grade to create an atomic bomb. Through America’s porous borders with Mexico, they have managed to smuggle in a suitcase nuke through one of the many drug tunnels used by the cartels. The Iranians pay them handsomely for their use. The next thing you see is a white flash, as you spit out a piece of burger, the White House is buffeted by a hot wave that permeates through the walls. There is no way out, at least not in the time you have, the engulfing flames burn with such ferocity that your body is turned to ash in less than a few minutes. The mushroom cloud over Capitol Hill serves as a message of defiance and revenge from the Iranians.

Etc, etc, etc…

Self-service Company Cammax Set to Attend Transport Ticketing Global 2020 as they Launch New Smart Ticketing Solutions

Gary Malone
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Self-service Company Cammax Set to Attend Transport Ticketing Global 2020 as they Launch New Smart Ticketing Solutions

Cammax Limited will once more return to Transport Ticketing Global (TTG) – the world’s largest and most exciting public transport ticketing conference – for 2020.

The annual get-together for the transport community, TTG attracts all the key players from across the intelligent ticketing, passenger information and SMART cities industry. And, one of the UK’s leading self-service solution companies, Cammax, will be showcasing their new smart ticketing solutions at this year’s event.

TTG will take place at London’s Olympia between 28th-29th January with over 1,200 transport professionals from over 60 countries flocking to the capital to peruse the latest innovations and technology.

Sending transport ticketing into a new era

The 12th installment of TTG will focus on the ability of transport operators to provide a smooth and complementary multimodal experience.

Cammax will be present to demonstrate how smooth and interconnected travel can really be achieved and the West Yorkshire-based firm will use successful projects they undertook last year to illustrate their point. Among the discussions will be the cutting-edge iPoint smart ticketing vending machines that Bristol City Council have adopted alongside its new MetroBus scheme.

What can the Cammax iPoint do? Well, it offers bus passengers a number of services even when they are not getting on a bus. Passengers can buy tickets for Bristol’s MetroBus transport service as well as topping up their smart cards, but the iPoints are also useful indicators of real-time bus information.

One of the greatest technological developments in recent years is the progression towards a cashless society. And, in reference to that, iPoints allow customers to purchase tickets using contactless or chip-and-pin bank cards. For those users scattered up and down the country, you can buy tickets from First’s mTicket app whilst registered Travelwest smartcard users can purchase tickets from the Travelwest site and use an iPoint to upload them onto their smartcard.

Tapping an electronic ticket when boarding a bus has been clocked at being up to five times faster than when people pay the driver for a ticket.

 

New year, new solutions

As part of the TTG 20 event, Cammax will be showcasing a new type of smart ticketing cammax2 smart ticketing solutionsdispensing kiosk and a new slimline design for the existing stratus outdoor smart ticketing machine will be paraded at the conference. Taking transport innovation to new heights, Cammax are helping to fill roles that are currently vacant in the smart travel marketplace and, alongside offering expert advice and awareness, are revolutionizing how transport payments will be made.

Cammax at TTG and on social media

TTG has grown year-on-year and its 2020 conference promises to be the biggest and best one yet. The Cammax team – who will be willing to answer any question – will be on stand B5.

You can still register to attend the event for 2020 by heading to www.transport-ticketing.com to find out more information.

The grind won’t stop there for the Cammax team either as throughout the exhibition they will be updating their social media pages – follow them on LinkedIn and Twitter to keep abreast of the latest news.

Experts: Obama Allowed Iran to Takeover Iraq

Gary Malone
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Experts: Obama Allowed Iran to Takeover Iraq

The Shiite government of Iraq which is now directly controlled by Iran has voted to expel all U.S. troops from the country after the assassination of Iranian military commander Qassem Soleimani and Iraqi militia leader Abu Mahdi al-Muhandis.

How did Iraq get to the point that it would be dominated by Shiite politicians and groups in league with Iran in the first place?

One only has to go back to the negligence of the Obama regime and its total appeasement of the Iranian regime, as well as its full support of Iran basically taking over Iraq. Just as Obama allowed Putin to take half of Ukraine without even a whisper, he allowed Iran to take over Iraq.

It was under Obama’s laissez-faire reign where Iran was given carte blanche to infiltrate the Iraqi parliament and government, and to have free reign over the country with its militias.

The Obama administration also cut a nuclear deal with Iran which gave them time to develop their nuclear program, and wanted to pay the regime in Iran $1.5 billion for their trouble. John Kerry, under the orders of Obama, personally delivered millions of dollars of U.S. taxpayer cash to the Ayatollahs as a capitulation to their demands.

Now the American garrison within the Green Zone will be kicked out of the country they spilled blood liberating from Saddam Hussein. How many countless American lives and tax dollars were spent freeing the country only to be thrown out by an Iranian controlled Shiite regime, that is proving to be worse of a handful than Saddam’s Sunni Baath party?

Iraq was lost because of the Obama regime’s apathetic stance to the whole Iraqi project, as he actively strode to weaken America’s foothold on the country. It was because of Obama’s useless foreign policy, that America was effectively locked out of Iraq, and the Iranian Shiite movement ran rings around the White House.

The Iraq war, where countless American lives were lost, was all for nothing, and being kicked out of a country they helped to supposedly liberate will be the final insulting nail in the coffin for America in the region, simply because Iran is now calling the shots in Iraq, and not the Americans. How about that for a fuck you for liberating their country?

As is the case, one tyranny has simply been replaced by another, and the power vacuum created after the Iraq war was a staging post for further shameful future disgrace for the American liberators, now nothing more than pariahs.

How To Talk About Addiction Issues

Gary Malone
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How To Talk About Addiction Issues

Most people won’t think twice about helping their friends and family members who are struggling with health problems, but not many would do the same when it comes to chemical substance abuse. Addiction isn’t something to be overlooked or swept under the carpet; people have been medically diagnosed for it and if left untreated, it can have really negative side effects of long term use and be extremely life-threatening. However, alcohol or substance use disorder isn’t easy to talk about. If you’ve got a friend that might be suffering from substance abuse and would like to help them as much as possible, read on to find out more about what you can do to offer your support.

addiction support

How You Can Help Your Friend Or Loved One

Since those suffering from addiction problems are often stigmatized in society, starting a conversation about it might not be the most comfortable thing to do, but it will definitely be lifesaving. Here are some reasons why it is important to reach out to your friend, regardless of how difficult it might be to do so.

1. You don’t want to tell your friend how to live

It’s different from telling someone to get their act together. With chemical substance abuse being the leading cause of death in the U.S, it is absolutely critical to address your friend’s substance abuse problem — you’re not telling them how to live, you’re helping them save their own lives.

2. You fear that you might jeopardize the friendship

Your friend might secretly be hoping that someone will reach out to them, because humans are social creatures, after all. No one should have to suffer alone in silence — reach out to your friends before they retreat further into their own shells.

3. My friend’s vices aren’t that bad

Comparatively, alcohol abuse seems much less severe than drug abuse, but you’ll be surprised to know that alcohol is equally as addictive as drugs. It has been reported by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention that excessive drinking has caused one in ten deaths in working adults.

4. You’re unsure if you’re able to say the right things

Remember to not be judgemental about your friend’s addiction problems. It would be good to let your friend know that you’re willing to be a listening ear so that they can open up to you about any personal/emotional issues that caused them to become reliant on chemical substance abuse in the first place. Be it your loved ones, close friends, acquaintances or even colleagues, let them know that you’re always there for them if they need help. Reaffirm that they’ve always been doing a good job but that you’ve noticed a difference in their behaviour lately, then go on to add that you’re concerned and that they can confide in you if they’d like to. They’ll definitely be sure to appreciate sincerity and genuine care from you.

5. You think that you’re not in the right position to say anything

In some cases, family members are the last to realize that the individual is suffering from substance addiction and needs help. This can happen for a number of reasons, such as the family members being in denial of the situation or that they’re simply too trusting of each other to believe that such substance abuse is going on.

addiction 3

Signs that Your Friend Likely Has an Addiction Problem

The individual doesn’t need to abuse the substance daily for it to be considered an addiction, and even the most successful person out there could be secretly suffering from substance abuse. It is crucial to take note of both the amount of substance used and the effect of it on the individual so that you’ll be able to better assess the situation. Here are some common signs that someone is suffering from substance abuse:

  • Increased use of the substance, more so than usual
  • Jumping onto the bandwagon and switching up to try the latest trending chemical substances
  • Alcohol and drugs are incentives to individual
  • Erratic behavior and personality changes
  • Memory loss, or an inability to recall recent things well
  • Seeking validation for their substance exploits
  • Difficulties at work or home, which can result in skipping work or staying out late at night
  • Spending most of their time with their drinking/drug buddies
  • Has legal, money or relationship problems

addiction help

So, What Can You Do?

Find a time when your friend is clear-headed and rational. This way, it will be easier to appeal to logic when talking about the negative consequences of substance abuse that they have experienced/yet to experience.

List down a pattern of events rather an isolated incident because they may not be aware of what has been going on; plus, you’ll be able to give them another perspective on what they’ve been doing. It will be tedious to talk about this topic but don’t fret about trying to perfect your words.

The most important thing to do is to convey your concern. Be as supportive as possible, and don’t make it sound like they’re doing something “bad”. Also, be specific about what you’re trying to say. This will help them understand the situation much better and you’ll be able your sentiments clearly.

You’ll also need to be mentally prepared that your friend might not be receptive to your help. Even if they take it badly, always remain calm and reassuring. If they’re ready to get help, advise them on what organizations they can go to, like Narcotics Anonymous or AA.

Talk them through the options they can take, such as seeking an assessment by a counsellor, a mental health professional or physician. In the event that your friend doesn’t want help, you can just let your friend know that you’ll still be there for them.

Additionally, refrain from encouraging further chemical substance abuse. If they’re calling you out late at night for drinks, remember to stand your ground and decline the invitation — but in the meantime, keep close tabs on them so that you know what they’re up to.

Seeking help for substance abuse will greatly alter your friend’s current state of living, so you’ll also need to be prepared to welcome the new changes. Be as supportive as possible and help them reinforce the newer healthy routines that they’ve been taught to adopt; it will be an intensive period of time for them and you might find that their personalities are changing as well, but all of this will be for the better — your friend will be on the road of recovery and your friendship with him/her will be even stronger than ever.

4 Easy Ways to Save Money in Your Business

Gary Malone
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4 Easy Ways to Save Money in Your Business

Your business costs increase between 10-20% each year, therefore, it’s in your best interests to monitor where cash is being spent and how you can lower your annual expenditure. Paying over the odds on different aspects of the business can certainly eat into your profits and have an impact on your business performance.

If you own a small business and are constantly watching every penny, it’s time to look closely as to how you can cut your spending and control costs. Here are just a few ideas that you may like to keep in mind:

1. Lower your office space costs

Depending on the commercial property costs in your region, you may be paying over the odds on your rental costs. If location isn’t too much of an issue for you, it would be a good idea to move your office to a less expensive part of town, or negotiate with your landlord on how much you’re paying out each month, providing you do so calmly. Or, if you don’t have many employees and you don’t need a huge amount of space, you could cut costs even further by running your business from home or going mobile.

2. Save on bills

Just as you would for your home, you should be paying close attention to how much you’re spending on your business energy bills. Shopping around for the best deals when it comes to electricity, gas and broadband could leave you with more money in your pocket than you anticipated. Price comparison sites such as Utility Bidder allow you to compare business electricity ratings with an array of suppliers, so you know you can be sure you’re getting the very best price available to you.

3. Cut down on staffing costs

If your business has particularly quiet periods, hiring full-time staff members can cause the worry that you’re going to run into financial difficulty. Nowadays, it’s easy to hire freelancers who are happy to work and as when they’re needed and work for other companies in between. Similarly, some employees may also be happy to take unpaid leave to fit around their personal life.

If possible, aim to hire family members to join your workforce, so that you don’t have to pay a wage and instead, split the business profits between you.

It may also be a good idea to advertise work experience opportunities for odd jobs that need completing in the business over a set period, providing you have the correct insurance to do so.

4. Be savvy with advertising

Although advertising is a fundamental aspect of your business’ rate of success, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Gone are the days when physically printed newsletters, posters and fliers brought customers to your door – most of your advertising can be done online for a fraction of the cost. You can build an online presence by creating a Facebook page, tweeting about your company or creating a website that users can visit to find out more about what you do.

Other inexpensive advertising methods including cold calling and asking for referrals.

Are Desktop PCs on the Way Back?: Windows Leading the Way in Desktop Development

Gary Malone
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Are Desktop PCs on the Way Back?: Windows Leading the Way in Desktop Development

As the world became obsessed with tablets and MacBooks for their computing and gambling needs – playing online slots and casino games and searching for bet and skill casino bonus offers for example – Windows PCs appeared to be consigned to the scrapheap. But, out of nowhere, a rising interest has seen a recovery of Windows devices. Could they really make a comeback amidst the Apple revolution?

Windows 10 can work anywhere

Windows 8 was a remarkably brave move by Microsoft; that hybrid operating system laid the platform for the now impressive Windows 10 that can run on desktops and tablets alike.

Machines can therefore be created that are 2-in-1 or laptops can be produced that have detachable screens. That would ensure that users can still run what desktop programs they need, something which the iPad cannot do, giving the Windows devices a greater degree of flexibility.

Improved hardware design

Windows 10 has a number of extra options such as their 2-in-1 devices with plug-in keyboards that have excited both hardware manufacturers and consumers.

The likes of the Surface Pro and the Surface Book are cutting-edge, but it’s not just Microsoft that has this innovative hardware with Samsung, Huawei and Acer all dipping their toes into the technological progression. Windows, thus, has its work cut out if it wants to rise back to the very top of computing.

Cortana arrives on the scene

Whilst Microsoft has been working hard to determine how to develop an operating system that works on a touchscreen just as well as it does with a keyboard and mouse, the company has also been making huge strides in the smart assistant world.

Apple has Siri whilst Microsoft has Cortana, but the latter can be downloaded on both Android and iOS too and it can take typed text as well as spoken, demonstrating its versatility as an app and enhancing its success as a virtual personal assistant.

PC 2

Microsoft thinking outside the box

Microsoft’s creativity has already been more than outlined, yet it goes further than just its hardware design. The stylus has been around for years, but the virtual pen acquired with the Surface Pro can make you sit back and notice, particularly those with a creative mind and hand.

But, Microsoft’s creativity does not end there as the company has sought improvements all along the line. The Surface Dial, for example, ensures that users are no longer limited to interacting with their Windows PC with the usual mundane and rigid keyboard and mouse combination.

Moreover, the HP Envy Curved All-In-One 34 not only has an actual curved screen, but it also possesses an integrated wireless charging pad for increased comfort and durability.

The proliferation of VR

Virtual Reality is becoming increasingly prevalent and popular in the technological world. Windows PCs have a massive advantage in this respect, given their experience in gaming. A Mac simply would not be good enough or powerful enough to support an Oculus Rift as a first-rate Windows PC would.

VR is only heading one way and that’s up. Virtual Reality is certainly a technology trend to look out for – particularly in the gambling industry – in the near future despite it being a niche industry at present. And, considering that Windows has always been popular with gamers, the desktop PC is certainly on its way back as the technology improves and requires a high-spec machine to support it.

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