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Jesus Will Save Russell Brand From Rape Trial

LONDON - England - Could Jesus save Russell Brand from going to jail at his rape trial? We delve into these intricate Christian conundrums.

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Jesus saves. That is, if you believe Jesus is the son of God, or ever existed. In this respect, Russell Brand, who is currently in court on charges of alleged rape, is a reformed and saved man after converting to Christianity recently.

Exclusively to Christians, you are born as a sinner, and any other sins or crimes you commit are not very nice, therefore if you confess and repent your sins to a priest you will be forgiven. That’s the great thing about Christianity, you just notch up as many sins as you want, cash them in at church, then start over again.

Is there a limit to the number of sins you commit? Nope, because the Christian God is all forgiving, there is always an avenue for forgiveness as long as you confess your crimes.

The only problem here is that Russell Brand is accused of a few alleged rapey rapeys, and other fiddles, and he’s denying these ever occurred in court. So, how will that impact in his Christian belief? If he confesses his sins and crimes in line with Christian belief, then he gets a bit of jaily jaily time but he would be a true Christian, and if he denies his sins and alleged raping, he goes against Christian values of repenting and confession, and will thus not be forgiven for his sins.

This Christianity stuff does get rather complicated sometimes, but you just need to work on it, understand the rules and regulations, and you will be saved. You could possibly be sent up in the Rapture in a great flash of bright light, where you will rise up above the outer reaches of earth’s atmosphere to be united with God. Who knows what can happen?

If Jimmy Savile or Gary Glitter suddenly announced their Christian rebirth, could they have been saved as well?

Whatever happens now is up to God and Jesus, besides, if Russell is C of E, anything goes.

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3 COMMENTS

  1. This is what happens when you play with Satan for too long. Brand has to pay the price of his dalliance with the horned devil.

  2. Maybe Russell will levitate over the court house and they can let him off for doing those horrid acts on those women.

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