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BALMORAL - Scotland - With all this ongoing Brexit shenanigans, Harry's mental issues and Philip's health, the Queen has some welcome news.
PENNSYLVANIA - USA - One of the jurors in the Bill Cosby rape case, an attractive 28-year-old woman has revealed that she does not remember much of the case or jury deliberation.
LONDON - England - No doubt, the well fed privileged white anti-capitalists will be out today for the Day of Rage march through Parliament Square.
DALLAS - Texas - The Daily Squib has acquired an unaired portion of the divisive Megyn Kelly, Alex Jones interview.
KENSINGTON - England - Champagne socialist 'singer' Lily Allen is to cancel one of her yearly holidays so she can buy things for the hundreds of stranded Kensington tower block survivors still stuck in shelters.
RIYADH - Saudi Arabia - Empowered 'feminist' and rap skank stripper, Amber Rose has sold her vagina to a Saudi Sheikh for the princely sum of $600.
LOS ANGELES - USA - Whichever Warner Bros executive thought it would be wise to spend $175 million on a Guy Ritchie King Arthur flick must be either mad as a box of frogs or as gullible as a Remoaner listening to Tony Blair talking about re-joining the EU.
LOS ANGELES - USA - Johnny Depp's former managers have claimed the star is fed everyday conversation lines through an earpiece so he doesn't have to think when he talks, US media say.
LOS ANGELES - USA - The celebrity scientists were both attending the same book launch for some scientific tome, when out of the blue they started attacking each other.