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The Daily Squib Guide to Avoiding Pro EU Propaganda During Run Up to Referendum

 

To be honest, it will be everywhere, on every media, bus stops, in your local newspaper, up your jacksie, in the pub, down the football, all over the BBC, and every word David Cameron will utter will be pro-EU.

Cameron is not going to get any concessions from the EU, and the ones he asked for are piffling any way.

 Eu migration britain

Protect Yourself From the Pro EU Propaganda

1) Do not read the papers because writers are told what to write or they lose their jobs.

2) Do not read the mainstream media on the internet because this is saturated propaganda paid for by the EU’s vast budgets funded by you, the taxpayer.

3) Do not attend the Bilderberg meeting, oh wait, you’re not likely to do that because you’re not deemed important enough.

4) Speaking to europhiles is permissible simply because they will reinforce your viewpoint.

5) Think of Britain, read up about Britain’s illustrious history, and think to yourself how 40,000 years of history and heritage could be erased with one vote.

6) Be proud to be British, even if you live in Scotland.

7) Go to the countryside and look around. Close your eyes for a second and imagine death ridden grey tower blocks covering the whole landscape full of EU and Third World migrants.

8) Eat some fish and chips then realise the EU would ban it for being too British if the EU referendum was lost.

9) Look at the amount of tax you are paying now, then get a calculator and quadruple the number. That’s how much you will pay in the EU in the future. Do you really want to pay for the Greeks and their easy lifestyle while you work till your fucking fingers are raw.

10) Read the Daily Squib. From this moment on, we will add in articles intermittently praising British culture, history and the right to sovereignty.

 

Caitlyn Jenner Invited to White House

 

Driving to the White House last Tuesday, former Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner said she was filled with a sense of awe following a path used by many past presidents.

Unfortunately for the former Olympian, she ran over a party of tourists killing three people on the way at 15th Avenue and Hamilton Place, but because of her celebrity status and official invitation, was allowed to continue her journey to the East Wing of the White House.

“I was doing my makeup in the mirror when I heard a crunching sound. Dang, another car accident. I had just run over some tourists, but I was so excited and the nice policeman recognised me and waved me on, especially when I showed him the golden Bath House invitation,” Jenner said.

“It is such a hallowed ground so to speak,” Jenner said. “I was greeted at the White House by Michelle and Barack, they told me that I was home now, amongst my own people, and I was welcome.’”

Jenner describes attending the Obama invitation as “the dream of a lifetime.”

“It is something you can tell future generations and my children who I mysteriously fathered,” Jenner said. “Being invited by the president of the United States and his transgender wife to the White House is a great honour something that I will always cherish.”

A U.S. Marine Corps band greeted Caitlyn Jenner as she entered the White House. Gay cadets from the various military academies, hand picked by Barack Obama personally, were in each room to guide and assist Jenner with makeup tips and one even showed her to the ladies room, Jenner said.

“Michael showed me his dresses, and his straps that he uses to hide his manhood. We compared outfits, and she said it’s all about putting forward an illusion. I asked her how she fooled the public for so long before being outed by Joan Rivers? She said, it’s no big deal, no one believed Joan anyway and the special doctor fixed things after for Rivers.”

“This was a celebration,” Jenner said. “This was a party for me and Michael, Barry and the kids.”

Caitlyn Jenner, despite having male chromosomes and a male bone structure still has not had the full de-masculinising operation where doctors will remove his male genitals completely, but neither has Michael Obama, so the two were like birds of a feather during the visit and got on like a Frisco bath house on fire– almost inseparable.

Comrade Cameron: I’m Back or Am I?

 

“We heard news that Comrade Cameron was back, but then conflicting news filtered through that he may have retired to his dacha to re-think his plan of EU action,” a Westminster source told the Daily Squib.

The semi-socialist PM is a staunch europhile and tied to his masters in Brussels, however he still wants to appear to command his former country, which will soon be re-named Sektor 101 according to EU diktats.

“Any of the lower party that disagrees with the integration of the UK into the EUSSR will be ejected from the party. My EU masters will not tolerate any disobedience to the Soviet message of European Union and amalgamation of former sovereign states. I am unfortunately conflicted in my allegiance as I used to serve as the Prime Minister of Britain. I am not a traitor to the UK but a key negotiator in Britain’s demise as a nation,” Comrade Cameron told parliament yesterday.

Today, however, things had changed. The PM had retired to his dacha in Chipping Norton, as he may have been to hasty in making his plans known.

Greece Vs EU/IMF Summed Up With One Clip

 

There is no need for political or economic analysis, long winded paragraphs of bull shit of the highest order, or fancy diagrams describing the out of control situation of Greece not paying the IMF.

The fact that Greece under Syriza’s leftist government can be summed up with one video clip from YouTube is an exercise in efficiency and technique much lacking by the bamboozled politicians and technocrats banging their clenched fists upon table tops in Brussels and New York.

Et voila, a clip from the 1994 film Dumb and Dumber. Enjoy.

Person Has a Feeling But Does Not Write About it on Twitter

 

“I had this irresistible urge to write about how I felt that very second like I had done for a million other tweets I had committed to the twittersphere. Instead I held back. My hands were shaking. What would my fan base think of me? Beads of sweat dripped down my forehead as I pulled away. I then had another thought, and  another, these passed in my mind and missed the keyboard too. For a second I thought I was losing it, I was losing the will to live as my life passed away through my tweet time line,” Gobblestein recalled in an LA Times exclusive.

Twitter Twatter

Liberation for those few moments of tweet lapse did not come cheep though, because within those few minutes she lost over 40,000 fans.

“Everyone knows every minute detail of my life and thought process. All it took was a few minutes of tweet absence and boom, the whole thing blew up on me. I am now tweeting every few seconds to make up for the loss, and it will take me up until next Tuesday to make up for my twitter tweet lapse,” Gobblestein added.

U.S. Police Shot Man For Two Hours Non Stop But Had 15 Min. Break

Dwayne Johnsons, 18, had been stopped for buying a packet of biscuits at a local store in Arlington, Kentucky by a troop of 64 police officers on neighbourhood patrol.

When the boy refused requests to stop eating the biscuits he was first tasered continuously by 17 officers for approximately twenty minutes. The tasering had minimal effect on Johnsons so officers started unloading live ammunition into the victim’s pulsating corpse for nearly two hours solid.

“First we started on his back for one hour, then on the one hour twenty mark we had a lil donut break. Sarge went back to his cruiser and got us some more ammo and shotguns. We resumed shooting what was left of the body, and by the end we were shootin’ scraps of meat across the car park.”

The officers were commended for their bravery in the line of duty, especially as the young man was deaf, dumb and blind and could have caused serious damage to no one in particular. No further investigation is going to take place because the boy was not black but of South East Asian heritage.

Rangers’ Let Down Leaves Glasgow Feeling Well and Truly Blattered

 

Admittedly, Sepp Blatter’s resignation as FIFA’s president has got people talking, but there is no getting away from the seismic events that unfolded at the end of the Scottish Championship campaign when Rangers messed it up again.

Scottish football is sometimes accused of a certain myopia, an inward-looking self-obsession… but there is no doubting that Glasgow’s blue-green rivalry has its own singular character.

‘Never mind the World Cup’ they’ll tell you, the Glasgow derby is really the beautiful game’s biggest game. Even Blatter admits to having heard of the fixture.


But not everything in paradise (or Ibrox) is quite as it should be. It’s a bit like the way World Cup venues are decided. What is supposed to happen and how things actually work out is not always the same thing. Traditionally, Celtic and Rangers have been pitched against each other at least four times a season in a rivalry that runs so hot it blisters paint. They have been locked together at the top of the betting on the sports book at 32Red for the Scottish title over the years. Their rivalry has defined the Scottish game.

Those regular meetings served to stir up some good old-fashioned tribal passions, but they also served as quite useful pressure releases as well. There are some other tribal issues involved, but we don’t talk about them.
The trouble is that Rangers keep messing things up. In 2012 the ‘Gers managed to get themselves busted down to the third division of the Scottish Football League.

The enforced separation that Rangers’ relegation created was a huge problem for the Old Firm rivalry. No pressure build-up and no release. It left the city’s famous buzz as flat as a badly fried pizza. But before we get too gloomy, there have been winners as well as losers. For the lower league clubs the boost to attendances and a heightened media interest have increased revenues. Ross County now has a lovely new flushing lavatory and a bottle of port behind the bar.

As it turns out, Rangers have let everyone down. They’ve let themselves down, they’ve let their supporters down and they’ve let down Celtic, who the likes of 32red, Joe Jennings and other online bookmakers will find hard to ignore for next season’s top-flight title. Most recently they’ve made a royal blue Horlicks of getting promoted back to the top flight, losing to

Motherwell in a play-off game that ended inauspiciously – and we have to say allegedly – with Bilel Mohsni kicking Motherwell’s Lee Erwin up the bum. This served as a prelude to Erwin retaliating and an old fashioned punch up ensuing. Some said it was the first sign Mohsni had given all season that he knew anything about any form of defence, but that is maybe being cruel.

Needless to say this is not what either side of Glasgow had hoped for. Instead, like a badly organised World Cup, we are left wondering just what the heck is going to happen now. Will Rangers still matter in the years to come, or will they simply fade away like last night’s curry sauce on a rain-washed kerb? Will the great football rivalry that marked 20th century Glasgow bleach into history like an old sepia tinged ship yard photo – to be replaced by something more shiny and clean and modern – like an international PlayStation competition, or a Commonwealth version of The Great British Bake Off?

It turns out that there is already an accredited Interactive FIFA World Cup which is precisely the sort of digital contest we thought we’d just invented. It’s funny like that with FIFA. What you think is wild fantasy and what you think is reality are not quite as easy to put your finger on as you might expect. Ten million dollars here, an ethics report there… it’s never quite what it looks like.

And it’s a bit like that in Glasgow right now. Things are out of whack, there isn’t the same edgy vibe that there used to be. Something is amiss with the cosmos. All that tribal intensity is in a weird state of stasis. It’s like all the gas has been let out of the balloon but we still want it to fly.  We’d like the Glasgow derbies back and we’d very much like a clean World Cup. It wasn’t like this in the good old days. Rangers have messed things up on the sort of scale that even Blatter would be proud of.

Greek Brokebank Mountain New Film Release

Forget about My Big Fat Greek Debt II, the latest film on the block stirring up a storm in the black hole that used to be Greece is Brokebank Mountain.

The film was released this week all over the Greek nation but no one had enough money to buy a ticket to see it.

Instead, it has been viewed across the rest of the EU as a cautionary tale about getting rear ended by a team of crazed leftist politicians gambling away the lives and fortunes of the Greek population for some naive utopian socialist paradise that will never materialise.

“I came away from the theatre with a tear in my eye. The film is about a crazy bald Marxist economist from Greece trying to give some Greek lovin’ to a German guy in a wheelchair. It just was never meant to be,” Elena Schwaubles, from Vienna, Austria told Euronews.

BBC to do a HIGNFY on Top Gear

 

“Yes, each episode of the Top Gear franchise will be hosted by a different celebrity, much like the insipid fall from satirical grace that befell Have I Got News For You, where every week they have been hosting some heavily scripted celebrity bottom sniffer to cajole the egos of the Mertons and Hislops,” a BBC executive revealed today from his London to Manchester black cab taxi ride.

Having a multi-celebrity cushion for these long-standing franchises is also a form of appeasement for the BBC, where they attempt to escape any form of blame from the audience.

The offering of a million quid per year for the hamster and May to stay is still in the works, and it is not known whether they will refuse the bait, or whether they will be tempted by aunty’s fishy knicker smell wafting through the putrid BBC air like a pungent thick soup of festering carrion.

Yet another reason to not pay the BBC poll tax, amongst many.

Do you fucking care?

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Experts: De-Militarization Clue to Britain’s EU Plans

 

“Military spending is crucial to Britain’s security and standing in world affairs, especially in times of war. The world is in the beginning stages of complete global conflict, so why is George Osborne cutting military spending? Well, he already knows the result of the EU referendum, so he is acting in conjunction with the proposed EU army, which will be separate yet integrated loosely with NATO. There will only be a limited need for a dedicated British team, but when the EU military draft is announced, Brussels will dictate what Britain does in the coming conflict.

“The EU president, Jean Claude Juncker, has called for a dedicated EU military force as a matter of immediate urgency and plans are afoot to include all member states.

“The West’s oil supply lines are already being compromised in the Middle East, as 60% of the globe’s oil reserves lie, and ISIS extends its reach from Syria, through Iraq and into Libya. The ISIS threat has already been spoken of by OPEC, especially after recent attacks inside Saudi Arabia. Yemen has already fallen. Iran is embroiled heavily within the region as the Shiite Vs Sunni wars rage.

“From Libya to Southern Italy is only a short boat ride, and if the conflict spreads to that region, the rest of Europe will be within reach of ISIS. The suicidal EU Schengen policy of open borders will be an open door for ISIS or any other military force cutting through Spain, then onto France and Portugal like a knife through warm butter.

“On the Eastern front, Russia is daily moving troops and military hardware within striking distance of former Soviet bloc nations that are now part of the EU. If Vladimir Putin sees fit to attack, there will be no stopping him as the EU and NATO are too slow to act.

“China is moving military hardware and personnel onto disputed islands in the South China Sea and increasing their base presence in the region controlling the area. China and Japan, who are long time adversaries are readying themselves for another conflict, which would naturally be of grave concern to the United States and EU.

“To therefore cut Britain’s defence budget now would be construed as madness by any sane strategist, especially under the current climate of war, however the modus operandi of George Osborne is to amalgamate Britain’s remaining forces with that of the forming EU army.

“It would be naive to think that Britain would ever leave the EU, especially when the corporations dictate government policy. By giving a referendum to the plebiscite, the government is not risking much, because it knows that the votes are already cast, by the entities that really count, as George Osborne has already signalled with his massive defence cuts.”

Is George Osborne Leaving UK Wide Open With Defence Cuts?

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