17.7 C
London
Friday, January 2, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 495

It’s War!

0

Britain is once again at war. Sixty Labour ministers added to the tally during the parliamentary vote, which will make Britons open to attack by Jihadists all over the world.

“We are going to see an escalation leading to World War III which is the overall plan because the Assad supporting Russians are on the opposite side of Britain and the U.S.” a source in Westminster revealed tonight.

Vladimir Putin is finalising 150,000 troops to be sent to the region and the intense bombing from the air will ensure some of them get caught in the crossfire.

We are now very close to World War III folks so buckle up, dig deep and don’t forget to read the Squib for regular updates.

Syria Airstrikes: David Cameron Does a George W. Bush

1

On September 20, 2001, George W. Bush said: “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

On December 2, 2015, David Cameron said: “You should not be walking through the lobbies with Jeremy Corbyn and a bunch of terrorist sympathisers.”

The language of war is thus black and white, there are no variables or grey matter, and this is the foregone conclusion for Britain as it commits itself to bombing Syria in a fruitless, expensive campaign.

During the parliamentary debate today in the Commons, the Opposition leader was very succinct and detailed the many nuances and variables included in the bombing of Syria. In stark contrast, David Cameron showed a very rudimentary almost ignorant viewpoint. It seems Cameron has little or no understanding of what is going on in the ground in Syria and has very little understanding of Islam in general, painting everything in black and white.

By saying he does not want to deal with ‘terrorist sympathisers’ Cameron is obviously utilising an ‘us’ and ‘them’ theme, however in true hypocritical style, he still wants to get moderate Jihadists to fight for Britain’s interests. He therefore is a ‘terrorist sympathiser’ himself because there is little or no distinction between a moderate or hardcore Jihadist, they are all in effect ‘terrorists’.

There is no plan, just go in and bomb indiscriminately, and Cameron claims there are 70,000 terrorists willing to side with Britain to topple Assad. In truth, factions on the ground are constantly changing and there are no true numbers to anything. At one point during the debate, it was confirmed that there were only 11,000 terrorists willing to fight.

There was little or no mention of the Russians who are in opposition to Britain and the U.S. and are fighting with Assad and the Iranians.

The Syrian quagmire cannot be quantified in simplistic terms like Cameron is attempting to do, there is no black and white, and yet here is the prime minister of Britain pushing forth a suicidal mission that will accomplish nothing in particular apart from a mild bombing presence to demolish empty sheds and deserted houses in Syria.

To label people who look at all the variables as ‘terrorist sympathisers’ reveals the amateurish nature of Cameron and how little he knows about military matters as well as the construction of the Islamic religion as a whole.

The only thing Britain will achieve by bombing is to open up soft targets on mainland Britain for ISIS. All air traffic will most certainly be fair game as the Russians have found out, and no British citizen abroad will be safe.

Repeating over and over again does not help this situation, however we will repeat once more for the people who have no common sense or logic. The only way to beat ISIS is for all out war, there will need to be full deployment of all troops and hardware including full air support. Since Cameron has reduced the British armed forces through cuts into a bare bones outfit, and with the Russians now claiming Syria with the backing of Assad, we feel that it is too late. The time has passed and gone for action.

Cameron’s war is thus a futile, useless gesture which will accomplish no result of any merit.

No Wonder Americans Are All on Prescription Drugs

0

Living in American society is a competitive hell march where millions fall by the side every day.

Opting out of the horrendous grinding schedule that makes up their hollow shallow existence is nigh on impossible unless you are drugged up to the eyeballs.

“If you don’t take prescription drugs in America, you ain’t in society.

“How else can these people in shops smile sweetly and wish you a good day? It’s because they’re pilled up to the eye balls with anti-depressants and what not.

“Take the pills away and most Americans would be in a corner somewhere cradling a Glock in their shaking hands and frothing at the mouth,” Dr. Julius Fintner, a psychoanalyst at the Fitz Institute of Epilepsy told CNN.

Living on the edge, millions of American citizens barely make their car payments let alone their health costs.

If you get sick in America, that’s it, Obamacare won’t pay for most illnesses and the premiums are so high that the health insurance is nigh on useless. The pressure of work and kids, keeping up with the Joneses and the constant levels of competition are immense.

The sad part is, most Americans are so insular that they can’t see what they’re doing to themselves.

It’s only people from outside the goldfish bowl who can see the tortuous lives of these very sick people living their lives in a hell soup of mental illness and drug induced lunacy.

When America implodes, there will be fireworks seen from space. The deficit is so large right now that even the IMF is welcoming in the Yuan as a reserve currency. The countdown to the purge has already begun..

Zuckerberg Baby: “You Did What With the Money?”

0

 

“What the zuck? Are you saying you’re giving away those billions of dollars to research scientists and your pals? What the hell am I gonna do?” the baby bawled throwing a severe tantrum.

Well, the baby doesn’t have to worry much because what the mighty Zuck actually meant is, he is using that money to shape his immediate environment according to his vision. The money will still serve Zuckerberg’s ego and serve his elite group of super nerds. Power nerds are a breed apart, and they want to shape the world to their immaculate technical conception.

“There will still be huge inequality, poverty, war, violence. Facebook will still be selling data mined information to intelligence agencies and corporations, so he will still be getting richer and richer because the dumb people can’t see what Facebook is really about,” a corporate analyst for Schwab and Seuter Finance told the Financial Times.

So, don’t worry baby Zuck, you are still all set to live in a creamy dreamy Zuck world where you will never go hungry or need to think about bills or paying tax.

Experts: ISIS Recruitment Rises Through Indiscriminate Bombing Campaign

1

“Bombing solves nothing and only serves as a call to arms for many Muslims in the Middle East and Europe.

“We have seen many instances of bombing, especially during the Gulf War which had little or no effect on the outcome apart from radicalising millions of Arabs and Muslims against the West.

“Bombing campaigns are also not effective in targeting the enemy because ordinary civilians will invariably be caught in the crossfire adding to the propaganda aiding ISIS as the enemy digs in.

“The Islamic State is now well established in Raqqa, Syria and to bomb that area would kill thousands of civilians.

ISIS territory Iraq Syria 2015

ISIS territory is now bigger than Belgium and increasing daily.

“As for the fighters, they have tunnels and hiding places, and will most probably be utilising civilian casualties as human shields and as a recruitment tool for their cause.

“The Russians are now using white phosphorous bombs on civilian areas which is banned under the Geneva Convention.

“Additionally, British armed forces bombing in Syria will also be open to attack from Russia, whether intended or unintended.

“To go to war with ISIS is to go to war with the core of Islam and its people, therefore the real fight is not in Syria but globally in many different countries.

“The only way to get rid of the Islamic State is to fight every Islamic country in the world that is funding and manning them and to install a compulsory conscription in the West for all fighting men 18-35.

“Bombing is futile and a waste of money and will serve no purpose for the West.”

NATO: Why the Greeks Are Siding With Russia

14

During the summer, the Greeks showed their real selves by utilising Russia as a bargaining chip to get more money from the EU. The financially crippled country of Greece is Europe’s beggar, a pan handler who has lost all dignity and will do anything for a few pennies. Greece also helped Russia circumnavigate Western sanctions after they invaded and annexed part of the Ukraine.

“The Greeks are supposedly in NATO but blackmailed Europe during negotiations (July and August 2015) by aligning itself with Russia. Their modus operandi is to make the EU pay up, and it worked, the weak EU paid the Greeks more billions which will inevitably go into a black hole, and Swiss bank accounts,” EU minister, Lars Trundgen, told Reuters.

The amateur nature of Alexis Tsipras was all too evident yesterday when he made remarks towards Turkish prime minister, Ahmet Davutoğlu, publicly on Twitter, later deleting his posts.

Greek Tsipras TweetThe Greeks share many things with the Russians, two of which are their Orthodox Christian religion, and their devout hatred of Turks.

“Our dream is to enter the City [Istanbul], raise our flag and sing our national anthem.”

The Greek soldiers provocatively chant during marches, and this may be the overall plan, as Assad is using bully-boy Russia to do its dirty work, so do the Greeks who have an inferior military compared to the massive Turkish army, air force and navy, the second largest force in NATO. If conflict ever arose between the Greeks and Turks once again, there is no doubt that Greece would call on Russia for assistance as without this, they would be overrun and decimated within a few days.

Overall, an interesting dilemma for NATO, where one of their own members consorts with the enemy in more ways than one.

Up Your Dardanelles: Let the Russians Use the Straits of Gibraltar

0

Those dastardly Turks have closed off the Dardanelles and Bosporus Strait leaving many ships stranded in the Mediterranean and Black Sea. Naturally this news is not being mentioned yet in the media.

Turkey is of huge strategic importance in any conflict and closing off this corridor makes things a lot harder for the Russkies. What’s Putin going to do, transfer his war ships from the Straits of Gibraltar?

Putin is escalating the conflict each day with his furious backlash against the Turks who shot down one of his military jets, an SU-24, last week when it ventured into Turkish airspace for a mere 17 seconds.

The Turks invariably wanted to punish the Russians, not only for repeated violations of their air space but also the indiscriminate bombing of protected Turkman tribesman in Northern Syria as well as destruction of convoys within the war torn country that deliver vital supplies of food for oil for the people of Syria who are being indiscriminately bombed by the Russians.

“It’s basically a tit for tat response. You do this, we’ll do that sort of thing. In diplomatic circles it’s called PFFW (Prepare For Fucking War!),” Donald Montague, a source on the ground revealed yesterday.

As for the Montreux Convention which allows the Turks to close the Bosphorus Straits during a time of war, this convention still stands today. The convention was amended in 1982 to allow the Turks to close the Straits in peacetime as well as war, so looks like the Russians will now have a round trip from St Petersburg, all the way around Northern Europe through the Baltic Sea, through the North Sea, past France and Spain finally entering the Mediterranean through the Straits of Gibraltar. The Russians could use the Caspian Sea which borders Russia and Iran but this would mean they would have to go over land through Iran and Iraq to get to Syria.

One thing is certain, Uncle Vlad is not fucking happy.

Syria: Why Does Cameron Want to Deploy Air Strikes When There’s a Russian S-400 Around?

6

Since the Russians moved in their anti-aircraft S-400 missiles in Northern Syria, the U.S. and Turkey have halted air strikes.

Why is David Cameron even contemplating sending RAF jets to Syria when they can be shot down at any moment by the Russians? The leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn is correct in disputing this course of action.

The highly mobile S-400 has a target detection distance of 600 km and shoots numerous missiles including the 40N6 (max 400 km) at a speed of 17,000 km an hour, as well as having the capability for 80 targets to be simultaneously engaged.

Additionally, the S-400 can target pretty much any military or civilian aircraft including F-16s, strategic bombers, F-35 stealth bombers, cruise missiles, and ballistic missiles.

This deployment by Vladimir Putin, after the much disputed incident where an SU-24 was shot down over Syria, is the next step in the conflict that could turn very hot if NATO jets are targeted in the future.

As mentioned before, Putin has now staked his territory, and to go any further for Western forces would be utter madness, leading to an escalation towards all out war. Maybe that’s what they want.

Picture You Didn’t See at the G20

1

Tensions were high between Russia’s Putin and Turkey’s Erdogan during the G20 meeting earlier this month, obviously spilling over to jet fighters getting shot down this week.

“Putin was sulking in the corner most of the time. He would huff and puff like a big baby. Then Erdogan would clomp around the place and grimace like a an angry boy. When the two met on stage there were a lot of daggers and at one point we captured the best picture of the conference. Two stray dogs somehow found their way to the stage and started humping,” Reuters photographer Grayson Meadows recalled.

Looks like Putin got the hump in more ways than one.

Exodus: Valued Jews Leaving Europe in Droves

1

Jewish people are a valuable commodity in any society, they are generally hard working, peaceful and contribute greatly to all facets of life.

It is a sad day to see them once again leaving Europe, where the climate of fear and religious hatred is rising daily.

With the influx of many from the middle East and ISIS threats, Jews are once again finding themselves on the wrong side of the tracks but this time at least they have a homeland to flee to.

Israel may be just or even more dangerous but it’s a land Jews can call home unlike European countries which offer little or no protection to their citizens.

Shut up shop, pack those bags, make the exodus far from the shores where you grew up, a sad day to behold. Jewish leaders are advising the exodus of Jewish people, because things will only get worse, as long as we have EU leaders like we have today, this certainty is assured.

Mainland Europe is worse off than Britain, but the UK will most probably deteriorate further if Britons vote to stay in the EU. There will be a marked increase in refugee quotas and no one will be able to refuse EU technocrats.

The increase of extreme Islam and Far Right Nazi groups is now putting major pressure on Jewish communities across the continent to find safety elsewhere.

In five years time, Europe will be unrecognisable, the number of ghettos in cities harbouring disenfranchised marginalised peoples will rise, there will be violence at every turn, wars in the streets as factions vie for overall control, and the people keep streaming in.

Under Merkel’s watch an estimated 45 million extra refugees from Islamic countries are to be distributed across Europe, but this is the tip of the iceberg, the numbers coming over are already unaccounted for, some of these people disappearing once across the porous borders, making their way through the Schengen zone with ease.