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Putin Drinks Glass of Polonium Every Day

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According to Russian sources, including the president’s personal chamber maid, he drinks a glass of polonium each morning with his breakfast.

“I deliver the glass to our Tsar in a lead lined box. He then drinks it down in one. Afterwards, I have to take the empty glass to a special area where it is sealed and disposed of with other nuclear waste,” Svetlana Babushka, told the Tass news agency.

Former FSB agent, Igor Rostov, revealed that over the years of poisoning his dissenters and rivals, Putin slowly grew immune to the effects, and many have tried to poison Putin to no avail.

“We were out in Siberia on a shooting trip when Putin pulled down his trousers and urinated in a lake. By sundown all the wildlife and fish had died and were floating on the lake,” the former friend of Putin, who is now dead, revealed before his death in August.

Jihadist Explodes With Love in Trafalgar Square

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Witnesses say the jihadist started shaking uncontrollably and ripped his coat off whilst reciting words that no one could understand.

“I saw him he looked a bit funny. Then his eyes rolled up in ecstasy and he was blowing kisses at every one. Everyone could feel the love, it was as if sprinkles of multicoloured dust were flying off him, then when he ripped his jacket off we all ran because we thought it was a suicide vest, but it was a t-shirt with a peace sign on it and the word L-O-V-E on it. That’s when he exploded, like a trillion fireworks undulating across the square and sky, a sonic boom where we saw the blast waves ripple through the crowd. Everyone started hugging each other, black, white, whatever, we even saw a rabbi suddenly hug a Muslim man giving him a big smacker on the cheek. Man, that was the most amazing high I ever felt, better than any drug. Shit, I’m still tripping right now,” Miles Brigstow, 28, a student at UCL who was in the square at the time told the BBC.

The Metropolitan Police and bomb squad who attended the scene of the love blast never found any remains of the jihadist apart from a few wisps of glowing embers.

Meanwhile, in Syria, the martyr was denounced as a kook and someone not in tune with the Jihadist cause of hatred.

Crocodiles Seen in Cumbria

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“It’s that climate change they’ve all been going on about, innit,” Dave Cockermouth, 32, from Cumbria said after wading through what used to be his High Street.

David Attenborough just flew in to the town of Crummock to check out the crocs for a new episode of Planet Earth featuring the flooded croc infested streets of Cumbria.

“Fascinating. We have witnessed about twenty of these crocodiles, possibly the snub nosed Crocodylus cumbriactus. These waters are a perfect environment for them to flourish.”

Luckily no one has been hurt or eaten by the crocs who can grow to a length of 6 feet, but one woman had her Aldi bag snatched by a hungry crocodile who then consumed the contents including a Shepherd’s pie and trifle pudding right in front of the shocked woman.

Brits Advised to Wear Bullet Proof Vests if Visiting California

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Britain’s America Travel Bureau are advising all Britons to wear bullet proof vests, hard hats and if possible hiring bodyguards when visiting California.

“We are advising all travellers to take precautions as the level of gun violence, shootings and terrorism in California is very high. Please read all of our recommendations before even thinking about buying a ticket to that area,” Julie Simmons, a representative of the Bureau told the BBC.

John Tremendes, a tour operator in San Bernardino wants to capitalise on the terror and is offering visitors protection in a hired APC (Armoured Personnel Carrier).

“We got good protection from Muslims. This thing can withstand a direct hit from an RPG (Rocket-Propelled Grenade) as well as most sub machine gun fire. We have turrets and .50 cal gun on top, but that’s optional. Thermal and night vision. We can even pick you up at the airport, and deliver you to your bunker, ahem, I mean hotel.”

Trained bodyguards or mercenaries don’t come cheap though. BlackMamba is an outfit of hardened mercenaries who have seen every combat situation under the sun, to hire a single merc may set you back $15,000 per day but it’s worth it if you and your family keep your lives.

Abel Johnson is offering day trips to Santa Barbara for $16,500 all inclusive including travel to and from the LZ, in a Blackhawk helicopter and armed bodyguards so you can enjoy a stroll by the beach without dying in a hail of bullets.

Erdogan Could Star in Lord of the Rings VII

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Learning to have a sense of humour is something the Turks are not known for, but it seems the President of Turkey, Erdogan, has accepted the offer from Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson to star in the latest film in the franchise.

“I phoned Erdo the other day and said, listen, you do it so well. Every expression you do on that face of yours is Smeagol, and when you get really greedy we get Gollum. You have to do this. C’mon my precious-s-s-s-s!”

At first Erdoğan said he would jail Jackson for such impropriety and insult, but after waving a few dollars in his face, the president took the bait like a power hungry creature from a dank dark cave.

Lord of the Rings VII will be out in cinemas next year.

The Effect of the Gambling Industry on the UK Economy

 

This has led to a massive emphasis on the supply and demand of this industry as it continues to expand in this sector.

In fact, this industry that’s worth £3bn props up the economy of the UK to a startling degree. Almost every man, woman – but no children – have tried out online gambling in this country in an effort to become millionaires. Gambling in this country is everywhere, from phones to on TV with the National Lottery.

This entertainment factor of these games is highly appreciated by the playing public and just as other countries are obsessed with soccer or baseball, this culture is all about betting. This gives sites the chance to appeal to every demographic, from the young adults betting on sports to the older population seeking out new bingo sites, like luckycowbingo.com. These gambling sites have taken on a culture of their own, with mascots, cartoons and television personalities.

Law enforcement have attempted to quell this black hole of man hours with gambling restrictions but to no avail. This rapidly growing sector is quickly gobbling up every other industry in its path, including mobile and social gaming. Now, almost everything has an element of gambling within it from the lotto to who’s chosen to put the kettle on.

As this all-encompassing beat continues to invade more and more of the social tapestry of the country it takes a more focused will power to stay away from it. With adverts everywhere you look the average consumer is accosted by casino sites at every turn. Bookies on the high street are ten a penny, sites crop up and then close in quick succession and the population has no choice but to claim the offers they boast.

Even social media is a home to these sites, with competitions, questions and friendly interactions on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. There’s no end to the outlets that gamblers can choose from and it’s no wonder that the economy has seen a rise in the amount spent in this sector. Gambling sites now appeal to the sense of frugality that Britain is so stereotypically famous for, offering better deals than their competitors and almost free play.

Gone are the days of reading the newspaper on a bus in this country as these citizens take their gambling mascots everywhere. In pockets, on desktops and at work the population of this country know how to gamble and take great joy in doing so. With forecasts expecting the worth of this sector to increase to £20bn in the next five years the British public won’t be running out of sites soon.

 

Ghost of Tony Benn Was Photographed at Hilary Benn Commons Speech

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The Daily Mirror has claimed they photographed and witnessed the ghost of dead leftist MP Tony Benn during his son’s bristling speech condoning the bombing in Syria.

“I saw this ghostly image of Tony Benn, he looked aghast at what his son was saying. Tony was very anti-war and would have definitely voted against the air strikes that will most certainly cause civilian collateral damage,” one of the reporters in the gallery claimed in the newspaper.

Hilary Benn himself said after the speech that during his bristling words condoning and encouraging the bombing of Syria, he felt a “chill go up my spine” and a “waft of pipe smoke went up my nostrils” almost making him choke.

We leave it to our readers to make their own decision on whether this is proof that Tony Benn reappeared from the other side to show his concern towards his wayward son.

Hilary Benn - Tony Benn ghost

 

America: Mass Shooting Doesn’t Even Make Local News

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“Mass shooting is so common now. It’s like a trip to the dentist, it ain’t news worthy,” Bobby Cruz, a man who was shot through the ankle wrote on his blog.

One woman at the Alabama mall where the shooting took place didn’t realise she had been shot until she came home and her husband saw her exposed kidney through gunshot wounds.

“I said Darlene, I can see your kidney. Let me push it back in, we don’t want to mess up the new carpet. Nuttin a few stitches won’t fix.”

 

Playing Casino Card Games – What They Can Teach Us About Players’ Personalities

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As kids, we learned about our friends from playing card games -who liked to cheat, who was the sore loser of the group, who was the most competitive – but could playing casino games in our adult years teach us even more about the personalities of our fellow players?

If you’re anything like this writer, somewhere among your childhood memories you’ll find scenes of sitting around the table as a deck of playing cards was shuffled and dealt.

Indeed, one of my favourite nostalgia flashbacks involves playing card games with my family and friends.

Like, I suspect, many of you, it started out with the basics; Old Maid, Go Fish, Hearts, even the classic childhood favourite, a simple game of Snap. When adolescence rolled around, the typical need most of us feel in our teen years to grab a taste of adult life saw the kids’ games replaced by the likes of Gin Rummy and Poker.

Cribbage and Bridge got a look in too, but for me it was always about the Poker, and not just because of the potential monetary gains to be had. The more I played, the more I realised what a fascinating insight into people and personalities could be gained simply from sitting around a table and playing cards.
You’ve probably noticed this yourself without ever actually paying much attention.

The Personality of Poker Players

Think back now to the last time you got together with your friends or relatives, either for a trip to the casino or a simple games night at home.

You can probably recall that one buddy who went into a sulk when a certain hand didn’t go his way, or the second cousin who held their cards so close to their chest, it displayed a level of privacy that skirted on the verge of paranoia.

While people may think they play differently, their natural personality comes out in how they bet, joke and banter while playing. Then there’s the aggressive, in-it-to-win-it types, the ones for whom the whole experience is pretty much useless if they don’t walk away with the winning hand.

For the most part, these are personality traits that we may not see -at least to such an extreme degree- when we’re spending time with these people in other circumstances. After all, if we did, we might perhaps question when we’re even friends with such competitive, aggressive, overly serious people in the first place.

No, for the most part, we see our friends as pretty normal, well-adjusted folks most of the time, but through them into a competitive environment, especially one where there’s a cash prize hanging over them like the proverbial carrot on a stick, and you soon start to get a glimpse into the kind of character traits even those closest to us do a pretty good job of keeping to themselves.

Moving towards mindfulness

Of course, keeping an eye on how our fellow Poker players behave and interact isn’t just a fun social experiment, it can also have tangible benefits when it comes to experiencing the kind of peace of mind and happiness many of us crave.

Once the game is over, there’s every chance that you’ll pick up on those aggressive, competitive traits of your friends that for the longest time you’ve simply overlooked. Sure, you may still love them just the same, but as you continue your journey moving towards mindfulness, it may be a good time to examine what kind of impact these negative traits are having on you.

Playing the hand we’re dealt

If that impact is detrimental, it might even be a smart move to reconsider who you’re spending the most time with, and look for those who reveal largely positive characteristics during your card game session. If you want to give it a try, check out with a online casino portal first. I have noticed it personally when playing online casino games on William Hill Vegas that things are much better and simplified that you think

Think about those players who approached your last game with a carefree attitude, who were quite happy just to be involved and took each round as it came. Doesn’t that say a lot about their approach to life in general? Doesn’t it bring to mind a phrase that’s often used simply as wise advice, but here takes on a more significant meaning?

“ It’s not the hand we’re dealt that matters, it’s how we choose to play it.”

Those who seem to play their hands with a “whatever will be, will be” attitude are surely worth spending more time with, don’t you think? Indeed, who knows what we could learn from them as we continue our on our own journey to mindful living?

Playing just for the fun of it.

Naturally, not all of us want to turn our every card game into some covert experiment in psychoanalysis, for some of us, we just want to play cards, and probably win a few bucks en route. If you’d much rather do that, you could do worse than looking for casino card games online. In my own experience, removing that face-to-face contact and replacing it with a certain level of anonymity (even if that only extends to the fact that nobody can see you behind the screen) eliminates the opportunity to really study our fellow players.

If you want to understand people better you should try to play cards with them. You will soon understand their moves, and even their strategy, which often helped me in life, business and even in love. But if you’re looking for the simple ease of playing, without complicated personalities, check out a casino site with online slots.

 

Experts: Climate Change Overpopulation Direct Cause of Terrorism

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Climate change in conjunction with overpopulation is a direct cause of much of the terrorism in the world today.

There are many who deny that climate change is a cause of terrorism however where there are shortages of water, food and stability, an overpopulated area of humans results in disenfranchisement.

The internet serves a purpose towards disenfranchisement as well, because many who are within these overcrowded poor areas see how people in the first world live.

In America, the majority of the population live in big houses, sometimes having two or three cars per household. They enjoy lavish lifestyles, holidays to luxurious destinations and have ample retirement funds as well as access to healthcare.

In the Third World, terrorism flourishes because many people see for themselves either from the internet or television how Americans/Europeans live.

Surpopulation

The terrorists know how this is a great recruitment tool, and combined with disenfranchisement, religion and Western bombing of their lands adds to an unhealthy hatred of the West.

Western agencies must seek to address these multiple problems, and to ultimately reduce the populations of the earth through birth control, sterilisation and education.

Overpopulation

For the earth and its finite resources to survive, the world’s population must be reduced by a minimum of 80%, however there is a quandary on how to achieve this goal utilising humane methods.

In the overpopulated country of India, the government are giving incentives to people who agree to be sterilised. Monetary incentives could be a game changer in reducing the numbers, as well as supporting abortion and educating the populace in birth control.

The onus is with governments within the Third World and developing nations to come up with solutions to the problem of overpopulation, and with the help of Western governments maybe they can work together to address this important matter.

China

The deadly polluted atmosphere of China is testament to overpopulation. The rubbish mountains of India where the poor search for recyclable materials in the dirt are testament to over breeding. The draught hit lands of Africa are testament to unfettered breeding. Even in the West, in Britain, the estates filled to the brim of people with no jobs, no hope and no future, are testament to a system that is being brought to breaking point from mass needless breeding.

The overpopulation Malthusian nightmare is upon us. Overpopulation creates famine, terrorism, pollution, destruction of finite resources, and ultimately war. In an overcrowded world, there is no recourse for complacency as in less than fifty years from now, all will be left will be bones heaped in a big desert.