Up Your Dardanelles: Let the Russians Use the Straits of Gibraltar

ÇANNAKALE - Turkey - Mad Vlad is fuming today as his Ras-Putin fleet are left stranded in the Black Sea.

Those dastardly Turks have closed off the Dardanelles and Bosporus Strait leaving many ships stranded in the Mediterranean and Black Sea. Naturally this news is not being mentioned yet in the media.

Turkey is of huge strategic importance in any conflict and closing off this corridor makes things a lot harder for the Russkies. What’s Putin going to do, transfer his war ships from the Straits of Gibraltar?

Putin is escalating the conflict each day with his furious backlash against the Turks who shot down one of his military jets, an SU-24, last week when it ventured into Turkish airspace for a mere 17 seconds.

The Turks invariably wanted to punish the Russians, not only for repeated violations of their air space but also the indiscriminate bombing of protected Turkman tribesman in Northern Syria as well as destruction of convoys within the war torn country that deliver vital supplies of food for oil for the people of Syria who are being indiscriminately bombed by the Russians.

“It’s basically a tit for tat response. You do this, we’ll do that sort of thing. In diplomatic circles it’s called PFFW (Prepare For Fucking War!),” Donald Montague, a source on the ground revealed yesterday.

As for the Montreux Convention which allows the Turks to close the Bosphorus Straits during a time of war, this convention still stands today. The convention was amended in 1982 to allow the Turks to close the Straits in peacetime as well as war, so looks like the Russians will now have a round trip from St Petersburg, all the way around Northern Europe through the Baltic Sea, through the North Sea, past France and Spain finally entering the Mediterranean through the Straits of Gibraltar. The Russians could use the Caspian Sea which borders Russia and Iran but this would mean they would have to go over land through Iran and Iraq to get to Syria.

One thing is certain, Uncle Vlad is not fucking happy.