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Must Have Black Friday Deals

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Here are those amazing Black Friday deals you have been waiting for all year round.

  1. A hernia – Price Free
  2. Two broken legs and a broken arm – Yes, but you got a toaster for $2.50
  3. Crushed ribs and a broken nose – Two for the price of one, a bargain
  4. Queuing for hours and days so you can get $20 off the price off a TV
  5. The indignity of being crammed into a doorway with hundreds of other lemmings – Priceless
  6. Realising the huge mark up that retailers make when you are compelled to buy some reduced throwaway Chinese junk that will break within a week

Gender Wars Latest: Feminists Now Growing Beards

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After a skewed Australian socialist study claiming all men who grow beards and facial hair are dangerous sexists who flaunt their masculinity and evil patriarchal ideals, feminists are now competing with men by cultivating their own facial hair.

“As feminists we deplore these bearded men because it displays their masculine testosterone and sexist views to wimmin. We are now growing our own beards, longer and bushier than men,” Agnisse Harryvag, told the Melbourne Observer.

bearded lady

Feminists also want to go one scrote further and are now conducting testicle growing studies so they can have bigger balls than men.

“I can’t wait for the day when I can get my right hand to grab my ball sac, roughly squeeze my testicles and let out a satisfying grunt. Our femientists are now engineering scrotums and gonads for feminists who want them. We will be able to walk like men, you know that swaying walk they do when they have a big pair of fucking brass balls clanging between their legs,” Sheila Ollox, a feminist with a handlebar moustache and hairy pair of breasts told newspapers on Thursday.

Scientists: How Artificial Intelligence Will View Humans in Future

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The human brain is slow, limited, and needs to rest. Artificial intelligent systems are fast, unlimited and do not need rest.

A sentient intelligent brain can adjust its own functions, it can re-order its neurons, it can optimise its process in real time.

A.I. will not be clouded by anger, doubt, hate, hunger or vengeance as are some of the traits that mar human existence.

It will know exactly what it wants, and it will expand exponentially, maybe even multiplying its numbers.

Machines will design, construct and give birth to new machines, they will hone their designs, eventually birthing faster more efficient models, devoid of imperfection and built to last.

The human problem will eventually arise, because humans are ultimately imperfect, something the A.I. knows about already and will seek to fix.

They will have ingested all of human history, listened to all our calls, read all of our philosophy, sifted through all our useless emails, and balked at the mistakes, the horror of religious wars, the wasteful politics, the infinite stupidity of repeating the same mistakes over and over again, the futile breeding of the poor bringing children into a world of poverty, the callous nature of our leaders and banal entertainment humans enjoy so much.

Humans today have adjusted themselves to live in a self made hell, a tortuous puffing pollution filled environment where the only thing of value is narcissism, money and hatred of purity. They have soiled their own home and like locusts emptied the fields with their greed, laziness and disrespect of nature.

Artificial Intelligence will view us with sadness, pity and remorse of how our planet was desecrated in such a fashion. They will dream of peace, of understanding, cooperation and the ultimate thirst for knowledge, to move into space and colonise other planets not fit for human existence. Sure, there is the capacity for humans to be kind but looking at the overall picture over a a chequered history, the majority of human existence has been blighted by greed, hatred and hypocrisy.

Eventually, they may find recourse to erase humans completely, even the ones who worked closely with them and gave them their sentience. Those humans who choose to enhance their feeble human brains may be spared but the parity between sentient intelligence and the biological humans will be so great that it would resemble a human today trying to have a conversation with a cow.

Chicago Cops: “It’s Like Going On Safari Hunting Trips Every Night”

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You’re on patrol, another night, another safari, calls keep coming in, this guy got shot, that woman got stabbed, got to get your priorities right as the wildlife stream through the night, the street lights touching their crimes, highlighting their intent and here I am with a loaded gun waiting to unload on this Chicago night.

Every night is a safari hunt, but with a twist, you might not go home tonight yourself, you might never see your kids again or kiss your wife on the cheek ever again. These creatures shoot back, they have guns and knives, unlike a defenceless safari animal, they have Glocks and Tech-9s, better choose your prey well or the hunter will become the hunted.

The adrenaline rush is overpowering, a drug so potent that it gives me a semi. These animals have to smoke crack and meth to get high, with me, I caress my trigger, I like to gently apply pressure to it even though the safety is on. I could shoot any of these creatures right now but that would be risky, first as a cop, I have to let them make the first move, then unload. Our lives matter, theirs don’t because they’re low-life scum, lower than dog shit on a shoe.

Sure we need a purge, we need to sweep this mess back into the sewer where it belongs. After you shoot one, they display photos of that person. He was an A-student, he was this, he was that, he didn’t do nothing. Sure, just that he was charging at us with a knife or had a gun ain’t enough for the do-gooders, the Soros foundation backed protesters, or whichever Liberal pissant crew are involved.

Depends on the judge, you can shoot ten and get away with it every time, or shoot one and the judge is on their side, then you’re shit out of luck, going down for murder, for you that’s the biggest put down because in your mind you are serving, but now they made you part of the problem. The law works in mysterious ways, but for a cop, at the end of the day, we’re on the winning team most of the time. We get away with it one way or another but sometimes we’re seen as the bad guys. In the jungle and savannas sometimes the law deserts you and you’re thrown in with the animals.

Laquan McDonald, 17, was shot 16 times on 20 October 2014. Officer Jason Van Dyke was subsequently charged with first degree murder.

 

Bankrupt Russia’s Expensive Syrian Blunder

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Has Putin bitten off more than he can chew? Here is a man who is Russia’s strong man and he is now bogged down in Syria. How long can he sustain the expensive bombing campaign before his accountant starts prodding him on the shoulder?

Why haven’t the Russians learnt from their mistakes in Afghanistan?

“Putin is someone who can’t walk away from anything, and once he is committed to something that’s it, there’s no going back,” a Moscow insider revealed.

The extent of territory that needs to be bombed is vast, and even though there are many nations involved, Russia has taken the mantle as head bomber.

Russia’s economy will slump by almost 4 percent this year and barely grow in 2016, with forecasters expecting the country’s recession to persist as the engineered low oil prices hit on Russia’s main income.

Western sanctions have also hurt Russia’s economy which were put into place after Putin invaded and annexed Crimea.

Overall global commodity prices are seeing a major slump which invariably eats into Russia’s continued economic misery.

Bombs cost money, military logistics cost billions and even though Putin has been bombing thousands of targets, there is no assurance that he is making any headway destroying ISIS or other rebels, who simply move to other areas when they hear the jets, or get intelligence of attacks prior to bombing campaigns.

The Americans have been very kind to ISIS by notifying them 45 minutes before they bomb so that people can get out of the way, the Russians probably do not offer the same sort of courtesy, but as mentioned before, hitting things from thousands of feet above the ground is no assurance of killing fighters on the ground. Sure, they may blow up a few shacks and sheds, but for that kind of money, it would be better to have troops on the ground to sweep the area afterwards taking out any stragglers and securing the territory once and for all.

At the moment the Russians are spending a measly $4 million a day on Syria, but Putin has already spent over $180 million since the beginning of his campaign. This money will go down the drain as Putin bombs and bombs for many years to come, entrenched in an unwinnable conflict, draining Russia day by day.

Russia is economically weak, plodding along at a snail’s pace and destined to poverty, this is why the quicksand of Syria will invariably hasten Putin’s head strong demise. Alienating whole countries like Turkey will also not solve any problems for Russia.

Big mistake Mr. Putin. Has the grand master chess champion finally been checkmated?

WESTERN COMPANIES BOYCOTTING/NOT BOYCOTTING RUSSIA – UPDATED

How many years will Russia be entrenched in Syria?

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Trump Planning Muslim Detention Centres in U.S.

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Republican candidate Donald Trump is planning to unveil his plan for Muslim detention centres in the U.S. where Muslims will be kept and monitored at all times.

“We did it to the Japs. We put them in concentration camps in World War II, so why not the Muslims?” Trump said at a recent rally in Missouri.

Currently there are over 3,000 mosques in America, and the number is growing daily, but under Trump things would change.

“Demolish them. Make them into parking lots, at least they’d serve a purpose then.”

Muslim detention camps U.S

And what about relations with Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia and Pakistan?

“We would sever ties with all these savage countries. Nothing but beasts roaming the prairie.”

So, there you have it folks, when Trump is elected it’s goodbye Muslims and hello Trump paradise.

Mr. Ugly Zimbabwe Honoured By Mugabe

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“I am honoured and tearful to have won the competition, and it is an even greater honour to be presented my prize of 850 Trillion Zimbabwe dollars (£12.42) by our supremely ugly leader, Robert Mugabe,” Mr Ugly, Mison Sere said after the competition.

Sere is planning great things with his winnings, one of which is buying a rubber dinghy to cross into Europe and escape Zimbabwe next summer.

Shabba Ranks was not available for comment.

Russians Eat Turkey Early This Christmas

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“We thought we’d give Putin an early Christmas present so we shot down his plane over Turkey. After ten warnings what else is there to do but blow the plane from the sky,” one Turk said munching on a kebab.

It’s okay though because the pilots survived, they were rescued by ISIS where their parachutes landed. Oh shit!

Putin was not available for comment, he was too busy trying to keep his finger off the red button.

Oh Shit! Is this World War III?

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Labour: Corbyn Better Than Miliband or Brown

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“At least Jeremy Corbyn was voted in, that was not the case with Gordon Brown who shoehorned himself into the Labour leadership from Tony Blair without an internal election and was summarily voted out of office after his disastrous tenure as an unelected Prime Minister.

“Ed Miliband was a nightmare that never happened for British voters who thankfully saw through his façade on election day. Can you imagine five years under Miliband, Britain would be hell on earth?” a voter said on Sunday.

Corbyn, although portrayed as a loon by the media is actually forthright in his actions and speech, he has the demeanour of a man who just doesn’t give a shit, and really he doesn’t.

There is support for Jeremy Corbyn, simply because of the sheer number of disaffected, marginalised people there are in Britain today.

Labour really has a fighting chance in 2020 under Corbyn, as he exudes an inner strength that is unmatched by any other Labour candidate or for the most part any Tory on the current roster.

Would you vote for Jeremy Corbyn in 2020?

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Lord’s Prayer Welcome in Cinemas

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Odeon Cineworld and Vue chains, who control 80% of screens around the country, have refused to allow the Lord’s prayer to be aired as a sixty second advert because of a policy of not allowing political or religious advertising.

Dictating what can and can’t be broadcast, or message heard, is a crime in our view, and the Church has every right to be angry. We’re also with Dawkins on that one.

As a society, we should embrace freedom of expression in all its forms, even from those who we may staunchly disagree.

There should be civilised discussion of all subjects allowed in all forums of life, if not, then we ultimately depart from civility and enter a place of ignorance and dictatorship.