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Trump Rat Lawyer “I Can’t Wait to Drop the Soap in Prison Showers”

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Trump Rat Lawyer “I Can’t Wait to Drop the Soap in Prison Showers”

The former lawyer and congressional testimony rat, Michael Cohen has revealed how he is looking forward to things that will happen to him in prison.

“I heard, if you drop the soap in the showers, you get a nice surprise. I wonder what that is, hmm, guess I will have to wait to find out,” an eager Cohen revealed during his testimony on Wednesday.

One thing about inmates is the majority love Trump and no one likes a rat, so how is this going to play out for Michael Cohen?

“I give him a week before he gets whacked. They’re gonna tear that fucker a new a-hole!” a member of the Gambino crime family revealed.

If the former lawyer thinks he is going to get any special protection or treatment in prison, he is definitely living in La La land, because people will pay good money to see Cohen on the end of a stick, and in prison money counts.

“The guards will look the other way if you grease their pockets enough. It’s the unwritten law. Some of us, we live like kings in prison, we get what we want, when we want it. That’s because we have the rep, the contacts and the money. It’s either that or the whole family line goes down, we know every guard in prison, their family, and their extended family,” another crime boss revealed.

Cohen is due to report to federal prison in May. He has been sentenced to serve three years after pleading guilty to campaign finance violations, tax fraud, bank fraud and lying to Congress.

In New York city where Trump has the majority of his business, no real estate venture can ever succeed without the say of the mob, so it is safe to say that Trump has a lot of connections, and they will see to it that his former lawyer rat friend is made an example.

“I give him two weeks before he is shanked,” the Gambino family consigliere betted.

EU Referendum: If the Vote Does Not Count Anymore What Does?

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EU Referendum: If the Vote Does Not Count Anymore What Does?

On June 23, 2016, the largest supposed democratic vote in British history was held. The result of the vote was an emphatic one, by a majority of 53% the country voted to Leave the EU.

Before the vote took place, MPs, and other political players vowed to respect the vote result, because the polls at the time were predominantly pointing towards a Remain win. When the shock Leave result came through however, all promises to respect the vote were left at the doorstep and reneged on.

Gorbachev eu soviet

Despite Remain people saying the British people did not know what they were voting for, the Leave voters are very sure of what they voted for at the time. We voted to Leave the Customs Union, Leave the CJEU, Leave the CFP, amongst other EU agencies, and the Single Market. The British people voted to take control of the borders, and to take sovereign control of Britain’s laws, to free the UK from the EU’s inhibitive trading regulations, and open up the UK to the global market.

So what became of Britain’s largest democratic vote in history?

It never happened. At every turn, the parliamentarians, many on the EU payroll and pension plans stifled the democratic vote. The EU referendum vote will thus go down in history as the most undemocratic vote ever made.

If your vote doesn’t count anymore in the UK, what is left for the voting citizen, or for democracy?

Apart from civil rebellion, there is not much else. What has happened with the EU referendum means that we are not living in a just, democratic state ruled by law, but a corrupt dictatorial feudal state ruled by rogue MPs who have gone so far away from the democratic path they are now de facto tyrants, greed driven undemocratic beasts who have completely abandoned any pretence of the actual political process of democracy.

The most unfortunate part of the whole sorry affair is that the British people do not rebel. It is frankly not in their nature, however wronged, to lift a finger in protest. The British people are too civil, they would rather have a cup of tea, and roll their eyes than go forth into the streets and do something about the situation. Unlike their Gallic cousins, the Brits have never had a revolution, and wouldn’t know what to do if one plopped itself on their heads.

Why vote if it means nothing?

The only other thing left to do in an undemocratic, corrupt sham system is to never vote again. This it seems is the most sensible option. If enough disgruntled citizens decided to never vote in any election again, it would further the message that we are living in a tyrannical unjust hierarchy only serving the needs of ruling class privilege.

Call it Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, or another EU Referendum where they keep asking the same question until the voters come up with the answer that is wanted by the unelected eurocrats, the UK, is now within this zone of a democratic deficit.

Democracy in the UK does not exist anymore, and until something drastic is done, it will not exist for a very long time in the future.

 

 

Can’t Wait For that Meaningless Meaningful Vote on Brexit Next Week

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Can’t Wait For that Meaningless Meaningful Vote on Brexit Next Week

Stop everything, it’s that ‘meaningless vote’ next week. Halt! Postpone your wedding, your new job interview, or wife’s pregnancy.

We must all pay attention to a bunch of parliamentarians who are pulling every dirty trick out of their hats to stop Brexit.

“It will be the pinnacle of the week. Get ready to watch about six or seven different factions all fighting to stop Brexit their way. In the middle of course will be the PM who will simply pretend all of this is not happening but is sort of glad that Brexit will never happen. The Tories and the Labour party have all split into about a dozen splinter groups, and no one really knows what is going on apart from the stopping Brexit bit,” one parliamentary commentator said on Tuesday.

STOP BREXIT

Stopping Brexit is now a key parliamentary process that is under way, and this means delaying tactics, sticking loads of amendments in the way, slapping a few protest resignations in key places, and threatening to do this or that if Brexit is not stopped.

How’s that famous British democracy going then?

Yes, it is going, going….gone!

Creative Cities: Beirut

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Creative Cities: Beirut

The most creative museum or gallery

The Sursock Museum is without any doubt the most interesting to me. Its permanent collection is a reminder of how incredible Lebanese art was during the war. The Seta Manoukian work “Wind From the North” is a work I saw when I was 13, during my first visit. The museum has had a major renovation, which took several years, and on my visit after the inauguration I gave a major audible gasp when I saw the work again. The young attendant thought I had a health issue.

The café where you go to read, write or be inspired

Rawda Shatila: You are not a real Beiruti unless you know it – and not all so-called Beirutis do. Pick one of the tables right by the sea. In winter the waves come crashing right next to your aluminum window (which are a recent addition!). In the summer, the breeze is just incredible. Ask for a plate of tormos and mint tea.

A restaurant with a difference

Charbel of Le Chef comes from the same town as I do – his trademark “welcooooome” is so heart-warming! The dishes are basic, but so am I. A rare place where people join across the economic divide, and which trespasses the age split as well.

The most creative neighbourhood

I am not very hipster-friendly, but Mar Mikhael is where the youngsters meet and the new uber cool cafes are. When all else fails, Le Chef is barely 5 minutes’ walk away!

The store(s) you can’t pass without going in

Depot Vente: Only someone as crazy as Nawal (the owner) could host my “funeral” – which was an art installation of all the clothes I could no longer wear because I had turned 40 and they were kind of youngish in look. Nawal sells vintage second-hand clothing, which I love! Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.

The Outlet From Aishti is the remainder store of the city’s most luxurious shop, Aishti. When things go to the outlet they are already 70% discounted, so when the outlet has its own 70% sale it means you can get a Prada cheaper than a Zara!

Theresa May Enjoys Her Suicide

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Theresa May Enjoys Her Suicide

Theresa May thoroughly enjoyed her suicide on Monday morning, a Number 10 Downing Street aide told Reuters.

“She slipped the noose around her neck, laughing with gusto, and jumped off the bucket. The sound of her neck cracking was a delightful emotive moment in Brexit history. Much to the satisfaction of her senior aide, she went quickly and only quivered for six minutes,” a doctor who arrived four hours after her hanging revealed.

Despite protestations from her closest ally, Jean Claude Juncker, Mrs May was not given a state funeral but was interred in an unmarked grave somewhere inside a cheap cardboard box coffin at an undisclosed location.

“We deliberately gave her a cheap send off because frankly in life, she was cheap, her only extravagance being those ghastly shoes she wore. We gave those to a charity in Africa, and should be somewhere in the Congo by now,” Ralph Goodman, the PM’s former press secretary announced.

Outside Downing street after the news had filtered through, street peddlers were already selling souvenir items to American tourists with Theresa May dolls hanging from a rope for £7.99 a piece and speciality mouldy jam at £15 a jar.

Suicide is usually a terrible thing, but in this case, many agreed, it was fully justified.

 

 

Starving Child Outside Meghan £500,000 Baby Shower Was Thrown Scraps

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Starving Child Outside Meghan £500,000 Baby Shower Was Thrown Scraps

As an ambassador to global warming and poverty, Meghan Markle, who has become the Duchess of Sussex, flew to New York this week in private jets spouting vast amounts of carbon emissions into the already dying atmosphere at a cost of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

The full cost of the three day trip is estimated at £500,000 or $651,000, but all was not lost, a starving child who was outside the Upper East Side hotel, where Meghan had a suite for $75,000 per night, was given a morsel of food by the duchess as she exited the establishment to meet her porn star friend, Abigail Spencer, for a night out on the town.

Jinny, 12, who lived with her homeless mother after travelling to the city from Nebraska, was sitting outside the hotel when Meghan breezed by.

“It’s so cold at night so I found a hot air vent. Then I saw Meghan coming out of the hotel. I hadn’t eaten for five days, but out of the kindness of her heart she threw a piece of bread on the floor in front of me. She even signed it with her name with a big black sharpie pen. I was delighted. At first, I thought I should keep it as a memento, but my hunger got the best of me.”

Since returning to Britain after the trip on another private jet costing $240,000, Meghan has heard the little girl died after succumbing to the brutal cold weather in New York.

“At least she got to eat one of Amal’s home baking delights. The bread is to die for,” the duchess commented afterwards from her luxurious cottage which she shares with prince Harry.

Brit Awards Exclusive: The State of the Music Biz Today

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Brit Awards Exclusive: The State of the Music Biz Today

This year’s Brit Awards, is a sort of commentary on how the music biz has deteriorated to such a state that it is not actually a music biz anymore.

Amongst the preening dresses and high pitched bellowing, we find a music biz where the actual musicality has been completely diminished to zero.

“Can you play a musical instrument? Have you ever sung live? Do you know what a bridge is? Have you ever played a G minor 7 chord?” someone asks Jua Dipa, one of the many female starlets on the set.

The answer to all questions is obviously an emphatic ‘no’ as she gets ready for her mime set by propping up her designer couture dress and her tits.

To see all these powdered up trollops in their Hollywood gowns all prancing around trying to outdo each other with their looks, is of course a breath of fresh air for many, because it is feminism that got them there, and not talent, it is still justified, but don’t mention the fact that their brand of feminism means they can fellate producers to get ahead, and still champion the #MeToo movement.

“None of these women can sing, write coherent songs, or perform live, but they are the music biz today. It’s just a female-centric fashion show now showcasing mediocrity and banality. They are only there because they have the woman card and look good. They all sound like moaning pregnant cats on heat. Nothing else,” a music commentator revealed.

One only has to look at the Billboard charts to see this phenomenon enacted with strange curiosity. The charts are now completely full of non-artistry, non-musicians no creativity, and no talent. Everything is run completely by marketing teams paying outlets to play their template autotuned shit en masse to audiences that know nothing better.

“If you play enough crap to people, they will eventually accept the crap, because they have nothing else to listen to, and because the crap is touted as the latest thing in crap it is then accepted 100%. To hear the caterwauling cacophony of today’s female dominated songs screeching their usually anti-male lyrics is like having big bags of oestrogen dripping all over the place, incessantly, never relenting. Untalented, moaning, these girls who have never even probably seen a musical instrument or relented over hours and years of slavish practice to hone their craft are now representing the music biz,” another disgusted musicologist revealed.

If you go to a bagpipe factory, you will hear better sounds than the people who populate the current music biz screeching today.

It’s the same old template Antares autotune RnB atrocities that are a sign that true creativity has not touched the music biz since the 1990s. You can listen to most stuff recorded before that date, but something very wrong happened afterwards. Was it the mass proliferation of the internet, or the RnB, the domination of one-size-fits-all templates created by the same linear software?

Sure, there are probably many culpable variables for the complete and utter destruction of any musicality or creativity in the music biz, but one thing is sure, maybe one day record companies will become brave enough to actually commission real artists again. It’s risky, there can be losses, but at least we might have some real rock stars, and musicians back up there and not this flock of detritus, suppurating talentless fake fucks miming on stages to songs they never wrote or care about. Fuck these people. They don’t deserve to live let alone mime.

One Man’s Harrowing Journey to Cure His Toxic Masculinity

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One Man’s Harrowing Journey to Cure His Toxic Masculinity

Today we would like to focus on one man’s painful, harrowing journey to cure his toxic masculinity.

Bernet Tregaskis, has lived his whole pitiful life with these urges that most men have to deal with. Those painful erections, that blinding libido desire that takes over your whole being. It’s all because of his balls, his testicles, these things that are the epitome of toxic masculinity.

You can help Tregaskis overcome his toxic masculinity today by going to his site and donating some hard cash so he can have his balls chopped off.

You can make a difference today to society — why not castrate yourself as well?

 

The World is Simply Waiting For America to Fold

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The World is Simply Waiting For America to Fold

What can a world which is being held ransom by one single country called America do but wait for its inevitable collapse?

Here is a country that makes up less than 5% of the globe’s population yet uses up over 60% of its resources, which threatens the earth with complete annihilation from its massive military power, bullying smaller nations to bend to its will or entertain certain destruction economically or militarily.

Time is the only thing that other nations of the globe have as they wait patiently for the U.S. debt to rise to such levels that the country eventually implodes. The current American debt is officially at $22 Trillion but that does not factor in its unrealised liabilities which some economists say is in the region of $80-150 Trillion.

What will the world look like once America goes?

The burden will ease, certainly, much like a large parasite coming off a poor bedraggled dog, but we will then have to contend with the other monsters on the block, China and Russia. There has to be some assurance that China stays in its place, and Russia behaves itself.

Until that time however, the world carries on, waiting patiently. Every day we are infected by American media, Americans shouting on every media platform, Hollywood puerile banality, loud American tourists, and an internet dominated by Americans shouting about what they are doing, and what they plan to do next.

Every part of the globe is now infected by Americanisms, by their inability to have a civil discussion without shouting and proclaiming they are correct all the time, without their inability to see the bits in the middle of anything, their black and white limited viewpoints on everything. Their sheer ability to reduce complicated global situations into gross generalisations and simplistic language that misses the point of many problems.

Time…it moves slowly but surely, and one day the global community will be free from the parasite that grew up way too quickly, lived way too fast, and croaked before its time.

Man Orders ISIS Mail Order Bride on Internet

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Man Orders ISIS Mail Order Bride on Internet

“I was looking for a mail order bride, flicking through the catalogue, went through the Russian section, then the Korean section, then the Chinese, then the Thai. They all seemed a little too needy, so when I came across the ISIS section, I thought why not order up something different for a change?”

The man, Rodney Humbole, 52, from Tunbridge Wells, has already gone through numerous mail order brides, with not much luck.

“One of them got lost in the post, she was meant to be a 21-year-old Chinese beauty from Beijing. According to the courier, she left but got lost somewhere in the system. The other one was a Russian, who was meant to be a demure 23-year-old model who loved cleaning. When she turned up at my door step, I found an 18 stone Ukrainian shot putter woman with more hair under her arm pits than my whole head. When I refused to let her in the house, she picked me up, swung me around a few times then let me go. I ended up in the green house and squashed my prize tomatoes.”

It’s Monday, and Rodney awaits his ISIS bride. He hears a knock on the door, and opens it tentatively but with curiosity. What wonders of the East has he invited into his home?

“I opened the door and there was this black thing resembling a bin bag with two eyes looking at me. She looked just like her catalogue picture, so I let her in. The first thing she did was take her shoes off and walk through to the lounge, laid down a prayer mat and started praying. I tried to get a word in edge ways but she told me to shut up. She then got up, and asked me where the bomb making equipment is kept? I pointed to the kitchen.

“From now on your name is Masoud, and you will pray five times a day to Allah. I told her I was Church of England. ‘You will learn to behead infidel dogs just for existing’, she whispered in a strangely seductive manner. She immediately grabbed a long knife from her purse and put it to my neck. Repeat after me ‘lā ʾilāha ʾillā llāh muḥammadun rasūlu llāh’.

“After that, she pulled me upstairs, threw me on the bed and we had the wildest sex I’ve ever had. She was like a wild animal.”

Sadly, after that admission, no one has heard from Rodney or his ISIS bride for weeks now. Some are speculating that they have gone to do Jihad somewhere in Arabia, or Somalia.

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