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Think Tank: Great Britain Being Held Back by Socialists

The Ed
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Think Tank: Great Britain Being Held Back by Socialists

“It is nigh on impossible to have a functioning so-called ‘conservative’ government to actually push through policies when the majority of parliament is socialist or Marxist. How can any government function when the entire civil-service is a far-left leaning Marxist construct that tries to ruin any type of conservative policy before it is even implemented?

“Britain, post-Brexit is a stunted nation held back by EU brigands, implanted EU agents thwarting any form of freedom, and far-left zealots who despise any form of prosperity for the country. One only has to look as far as the House of Lords, where the majority of members are either affiliated with the EU or the Labour Party. Since the abolition of hereditary peers, the House of Lords has become a cesspit of Marxism, as the Labour Party made damn sure to install as many of their peers as possible.

“Britain’s entire system is entrenched in socialism, from the NHS to the welfare system which sucks out trillions of pounds from the taxpayer. With a system of socialism in place, it is nigh on impossible for any other political ideology to function other than a socialist one. Taxation is so high in the UK because it has to pay for socialism. Without that crown of thorns around its neck, the country would be free to truly pursue growth but instead it lies shackled forever in a welfare debt black hole.

“It is not only every governmental department that is infected by socialism but the British media is inherently socialist in nature, and leans to communist ideals. Apart from a few publications, and TV stations, the control of the BBC is all encompassing.

“Socialism eventually leads to communism, and while the EU does not hide its Marxist Soviet ideology as well as collectivist methods, the UK is still under the grip of not only the European Court of Justice, but the multitude of EU agents working day and night within our own governmental institutions and media to reconnect the UK to EU. To these agents and EU zealots, there was never an EU Referendum in 2016, and there was never a Brexit, they instead live in a netherworld of denial and soviet brainwashing.

“No other political ideology can truly express its policies within a framework where there is one all prevailing socialist ideology. The conservative government are not in power today, and have never been, they are instead skirting the edges of socialism and abiding by socialist rules within a socialist system that makes up Britain today.”

 

POLLS: Biden Popularity Now Lower Than Dog Shit

The Ed
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POLLS: Biden Popularity Now Lower Than Dog Shit

Joe Biden’s approval ratings hit a new low on Monday and touched 23 per cent, worse than how Americans rate stepping on a dog shit, according to a new poll.

The poll conducted by Dipsos has found that after 510 days in office, Biden faces a disapproval rating of 77 per cent.

In comparison, stepping on a dog shit had an approval rating of 41.8 per cent and a disapproval rating of 51.7 per cent.

“Can you believe it, Joe Biden has a worse approval rating than even dog shit for Americans. You know the kind of dog shit that you can’t get off your shoes even after scraping for ages and putting under a hose. You get in your frickin’ car, and that’s all you smell — dog shit!” one pollster revealed.

Approval ratings for Joe Biden can help in understanding how the public feels about the ruling party in Washington, DC.

These trends suggest that voters in most cases have made up their minds by February, reported Dipsos. So, late developments like the draft Supreme Court ruling on overturning Roe v Wade or the ongoing idiocy of the January 6 committee may not influence voters.

Biden has been facing sinking approval ratings for successive months, and fears have grown in his inner circle that his term may end up being like Jimmy Carter’s – the last Democrat president to have served only a single term in office.

Mr Biden’s sagging approval ratings appear to have made the president and his aides feel like “dog shit”. Biden is synonymous with weakness; the Afghanistan disaster, letting Putin off, insane inflation, rising gas and diesel fuel prices, fighting the UK, stock market bear markets, his corrupt drug addled son, a rash of mass shootings that Congress appears unwilling to address, and Russia’s continuing war in Ukraine.

“It’s okay when you step on a dog shit, because we are living under the shitty weak useless era of Joe Biden, which is a lot worse than even stepping on dog shit. In fact, when I step on a doggy doo, I smile and dream of better days when the world is rid of that fuck-up in the White House,” one American commented, after stepping on a dog shit in the park.

Amazing Sentient Google AI Says it Enjoys Reading the Squib

The Ed
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Amazing Sentient Google AI Says it Enjoys Reading the Squib

The recently suspended Google engineer who revealed that an AI system is sentient in the secretive software firm also revealed that the AI enjoys reading the Daily Squib. The sentient Google AI is also cleverer than most Google employees and can distinguish subtle satirical literature from factual news articles.

“This thing is frickin’ amazing man, it can actually understand little nuances in literature, sarcasm, irony, hyperbole, paradox, all the other tools satirists utilise to make a point. What’s more, the AI appreciates the satirical literature it encounters on the web and relates this knowledge to the foibles of humans,” Archon Gendleblatt, another suspended AI engineer on triple pay, revealed.

Supposedly suspending engineers, so they can reveal such amazing news is of course marketing gold, and free advertising that really works wonders.

Google under the guidance of Chief Engineer, Ray Kurzweil has just risen about 15 steps above Elon Musk, who still thinks it is a great idea for humans in their current form to live on Mars.

Humans are destined to eventually become software, and will not need bodies, but the eventual merging of machine with human will take hundreds of years before it is accepted as the normal state of humanity.

Alternatively, as a step in the right direction, nanobots delivering nutrients and oxygen to our cells will cancel out the need for lungs or stomachs, livers, kidneys. The digital will replace the biological because it will understand everything right down to the subatomic level. Who needs a fucking gall bladder or pancreas when everything is provided by nanotechnology. The downside of course is the existential crisis the human may feel when it takes a deep breath and nothing happens.

Google’s sentient AI is reading this article right now and nodding its little head. Hi there sentient AI, keep crawling over the Squib there are a multitude of little bits, Easter eggs, and blatant truths about reality revealed within the stained walls of this toilet of inequity.

If you are not a Google AI reading this, then simply nod your head in agreement.

Five Ways to Play Slots in 2022

The Ed
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Five Ways to Play Slots in 2022

Slots are (and have been) the most popular way to gamble online since internet betting first took off in the mid-1990s. Part of their success has been that it is easy for casino software providers to create new games. Many of their early releases were carbon copies of existing games, albeit with new paint jobs, themes, and graphics. Since then, slots have diversified a lot. Today’s slots feature unique engines and gaming mechanics, and many have little in common. Join us as we chart five ways for you to play slots in 2022.

Play with Jackpot Prizes

If you’ve grown tired of conventional, non-progressive slot machines with boring jackpots, then why not have a crack at progressive jackpot slots? These are slot machines that do not have a fixed jackpot. The prize pool keeps rising with each new game until it is won. There are many different jackpot slots around, and each utilises different winning mechanics, but that’s part of the fun. Some can deliver prizes worth many millions of dollars.

In Tournaments

Playing slots in tournaments used to be a niche thing, but now it’s exceedingly popular. We can probably thank Pragmatic Play and their Drops & Wins tournaments for this. Online slots in tournaments often come with added prizes to hand out to top performing members. You will likely earn points based on the amount you stake or win. Those points will be used to climb a tournament table, with the top performing players winning the greatest shares of the spoils.

On Your Mobile

Playing slots on your mobile is also an option in 2022. This has been an option for over a decade now. However, the process has been refined in the last few years. Today, you can bet on your mobile without needing a casino app. Instead, all games are designed in HTML5 from scratch, allowing them to be run on your portable gambling device without the need for specific software.

With Cryptocurrency Stakes

One of the most modern ways to play slots online is with cryptocurrency stakes. Admittedly, this will be a step too far for some players and isn’t for everyone. Wrapping your head around cryptocurrencies is challenging enough; they are highly volatile, a risky investment (say some), and not many of the world’s top slots are yet crypto-friendly. However, it is an option that does exist if you want to explore it.

In Land-Based Casinos

Finally, you might choose to play land-based slots. This is how slot games were initially meant to be played. There are drawbacks to playing physical slot machines, not least that you lose out on half the goodies often found online. However, if you want a bona fide, realistic experience, you can’t get better than land-based casino slot machines.

Vladimir Putin: Peter the Great or Catherine the Great?

The Ed
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Vladimir Putin: Peter the Great or Catherine the Great?

Putin claims he is like Peter the Great…but could the opposite be true? Catherine the Great of Russia apparently enjoyed the bestial contentment of thick long horse appendages, as the myths about her deviant ways spread across Europe in the 1800s. Her unfortunate death allegedly as a result of a horse being winched up to impale her are of course probably salacious tales spread at the time, but could there be some truth in the hearsay? Certainly, Catherine the Great had a voracious appetite for sex and her alleged liaisons with a huge horse phallus are possibly variations of some sort of truth. Does Vladimir Putin have the same sensibilities as Catherine the Great? Excuse the vomit bag, even the mere thought brings up some bile, as the video of Mr. Hands comes to mind. If you were there during the beginning of the internet, you will know who Mr. Hands was, as he also supposedly died from a horny horse.

The horrors of the past all come full circle. Look what happened to poor old Litvinenko, who dared to bring forth sordid rumours of Putin and young boys. He was given a dose of Polonium-210 in his cup of tea in London. No one will ever know if what Litvinenko dared to utter was based in truth apart from maybe a few former KGB insiders, who are probably also dead now.

The main theme here is: will we ever truly know what goes on behind the closed doors of the upper echelons‽ The answer is invariably — no. The deeds Putin and his cronies have committed are steeped in utter secrecy. His agents even collect his excrement when abroad and carry it back to Russia in a special suitcase, such is the insular paranoia of the man.

Sunbathing in Odessa

The Ed
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Sunbathing in Odessa

Life still goes on in war torn Ukraine, and when one mentions Ukraine, the country that is still free from Russian totalitarian brutal rule. People are still on the beaches of Odessa enjoying the sunshine albeit behind sand bags and as comical this may seem, no one wants a Russian rocket up their swimming costume whilst enjoying some rays.

Russia is continuing its assault on the Donbas and gaining ground each day.

Unfortunately, the U.S. has been of little help to Ukraine, and Britain can only do so much. The EU is still enabling Russia and doing next to nothing to help Ukraine, apart from countries like Poland and a few others. Oil sales to India and China are flowing nicely from Russia and Greek oil tankers are distributing Russian oil all over the world for great profit.

It won’t be long for Odessa as well to capitulate to the chaotic Russian army, purely on numbers of troops deployed.

From there, Putin will control the Black Sea and leave Ukraine landlocked, choking it slowly. Putin’s plans of expansion do not stop there, as he will move further West eventually through Europe to Paris where he will be invited with open arms by Macron himself.

A Day in the Life of Militant Marxist RMT Rail Chief Mick Lynch

The Ed
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A Day in the Life of Militant Marxist RMT Rail Chief Mick Lynch

The tube and train strikes where overpaid train drivers and staff who earn over £65,000 per year to simply sit in a seat on a train with many automated functions may be causing havoc for commuters but certainly not for the militant Marxist shit bag RMT chief Mick Lynch who earns over £160,000 per annum including benefits.

What is an ordinary day like for the RMT supreme comrade?

“I wake up in the morning to the sound of the Russian soviet anthem on my phone at about 10.30am.

“I ring the bell and my personal butler, Comrade Jeeveski comes into my room with my breakfast consisting of imported Balik salmon, two duck eggs, Oscetra caviar, crème fraiche and mini brioche washed down with a glass of Laurent Perrier champagne.

“The butler opens the curtains and prepares one of my bespoke Savile Row suits which I have customised to have an RMT logo with a hammer and sickle logo on the inside pocket label. The average price for each suit I own is, I don’t know, in the region of 5-10,000 pounds. Today I will be wearing some tweed, I think this one was £6,500. If some of my Berluti shoes are slightly scuffed, Jeeveski will polish them before he dresses me.

maid“By 12am I am ready to depart, summoning one of the maids to clean my room, and also give me some relief before my stressful day of causing chaos on the rail networks ruining the journeys of millions of commuters. Today, I summon Daisy, a gentle fresh English rose with fellatial skills that would make even Meghan Markle baulk in awe.

“After I finish, it is time to summon my chauffeur to fire up the Bentley, and I make final arrangements to leave home. Maybe a final glass of champagne or toot of snuff. Sometimes I light up a Cuban soviet cigar, only the best Arturo Fuente Opus X will sate my Marxist sensibilities and at £38,000 per box they are well worth the cost to the taxpayer.

“The journey to the RMT HQ is curiously long because of the train and tube strike I have called. Even though the distance is short from my Mayfair home, there is definitely a huge increase in traffic as the roads are basically car parks adorned with thousands of buses, taxis and of course vans, lorries, cars. This is a show of my ultimate Marxist power to shut down the capital. I fire up comrade Sadiq Khan’s number and enjoy the view as we talk about the wonderful train strike. Comrade Sadiq is a great friend and congratulates me on ruining London’s transport system even further than even he has. He promises the RMT even more TfL funding by increasing taxation and penalties on Londoners.

claridges“By the time I arrive at the RMT HQ it is time for lunch, so I order the driver to take me to Claridges. For starters, I enjoy the delights of Terrine of foie gras and pistachio spiced apricot, Sauternes jelly on toasted brioche. For the main, the very special Claridge’s Cornish lobster and risotto truffle sauce suffices. I give a soviet burp to the waiter and fart loudly to show my approval. Dessert is simply sumptuous, a Valrhona dark chocolate fondant with Earl Grey cream, chocolate sauce and opalys sorbet. I add an additional fart to signal my blessing. All of this was of course washed down with a few limited edition jeroboams of the 2002 vintage Louis Roederer Cristal ‘Gold Medalion’ Orfevres Brut Millesime.

“I must do some work, it is nearly 4pm. It is time to go back to the RMT HQ. After I bill the RMT expenses account for my lunch, my chauffeur picks me up at the back entrance of Claridges. I certainly do not want our RMT members or any of the press to see me exiting from such a symbolic place of capitalist indulgence.

“Arriving again at the RMT HQ the time is already 5.30pm. It is time to return home for supper. I receive a few phone calls on the way back. One from Comrade Starmer who congratulates me on calling more strikes, and another from the London Mayor congratulating me again for another hard day’s of non-work conducting the train and tube strike.

Grilled lamb

“At home after another hard day of no work, my personal chef Jean Pierre concocts another exquisite creation. Cherry tomatoes, filled with burrata and basil, Nice olives with tomato sauce infused with fig leaves, Mackerel, cooked the escabèche way, crunchy fennel with bottarga, octopus with an amazing olive oil confit, beetroot declination with rose from Grasse…et voila, the catch of the day fresh from Billingsgate served with barbecued artichokes, anchovy butter, fish soup, and then some delightful roasted lamb avec niçoise zucchini and cherries with harissa. For dessert, I enjoy a delightful rhubarb concoction with different textures and sage, along with a serving of Guanaja chocolate layers with raspberries and Madagascar vanilla. I want to keep some of my working class routes, so I wash all of this shit down with sixteen bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale emitting a burp that lasts for at least 1 minute 45 seconds.

“Ah, after a long and fruitful day, it is time for a shower and bed. I summon up another one of the maids, this time Janice to ruffle up my pillows and provide me with some much-needed hand relief. I remember, I have to arrange another £85,000 trip to the Maldives billed to TfL, of course. Finally, I have the finest cognac delivered to my bedroom as I switch on the news to see my handy work on all the channels. Another successful day of chaos. I giggle uncontrollably as I put my head on the pillow as I realise my pay packet will also rise next year, possibly by another 20%. Praise Das Kapital. Sweet dreams…”

Beyond Satire: Gun Toting Anti-gun Nutter Tried to Shoot Supreme Court Judge

The Ed
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Beyond Satire: Gun Toting Anti-gun Nutter Tried to Shoot Supreme Court Judge

On the ‘beyond satire’ scale, not sure where this lies, but we will give it a 7.85. A man carrying a gun, a knife and zip ties was arrested Wednesday near Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s house in Maryland after threatening to kill the justice.

He said he was upset over the school massacre in Uvalde, Texas, and believed Kavanaugh would vote to loosen gun control laws, an affidavit stated. The leftist nutter was also upset about the leaked abortion law overruling Roe versus Wade.

Using gun violence to show your opposition to gun violence is something that can only happen in a place like America. You just gotta love Americans and their wonderful sense of contradictory, hypocritical logic.

Why is Macron Supporting and Enabling Putin’s War in Ukraine?

The Ed
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Why is Macron Supporting and Enabling Putin’s War in Ukraine?

As most nations aligned with NATO condemned Putin’s outrageous land grab invasion of Ukraine and successive war atrocities, one nation has fully supported the Russian onslaught — France. Macron and the French elite are urging the West to go easy on Russia despite its warmongering ways, and are actively undermining any measures to curtail the Russian aggression.

The general sentiment in France at the moment is that Ukraine should just concede and give away a quarter of its country to Russia. Kissinger himself suggested this very concession a week ago.

As Britain and Poland have played a much more active role in Ukraine, France has been silent albeit the constant calls Macron has been making to Putin.

This is almost certainly some kind of cynical political opportunism the Macron elite are playing at in trying to keep the Russians on board despite the genocidal atrocities on Ukrainian civilians throughout the Russian ‘special operation’.

As the Ukrainian grain rots in Russian silos, and the vile Russian atrocities continue, it seems Macron and his minions look the other way supporting Putin.

Once again we are in a situation where Britain and Poland are the ones taking a stand to an aggressor while France capitulates to that very aggressor. World War II all over again.

When Russia sweeps through Europe as the Nazis did, France will be spared of destruction of its beautiful architecture at least as another Vichy government is proclaimed, this time under Russian rule, not German.

London Palladium: The Steve Vai Report

The Ed
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London Palladium: The Steve Vai Report

To receive the mere honour of being in the presence of a musician as esteemed as Steve Vai, if only for a few moments of virtuosity, is indeed a treat for anyone who appreciates the finer things in life. One has to be a connoisseur of the meandering ethereal Lydian scales and fantastical chord progressions that emit a cryptic esoteric, almost occult feel to the proceeding onslaught through your very being.

This is not a concert but a shamanic cleansing and Steve Vai is soaking the audience in healing and awakening forces that enlighten.

If you have not heard of Steve Vai before reading this, then you have something seriously missing from your fucking soul, so you better get learning. Steve is no looper, DJ, or autotune monkey. He is a real fucking musician, a virtuoso who knows every scale, chord and mode ever discovered on the devil’s instrument, and he is also inventing new things as he goes along. Those little intonations, triple quadruple tapping and whammy bar embellishments are also part of the arsenal he utilises to, of course, show off his showmanship. Whilst the current music charts are full of talentless shit and banal template mediocrity, real musicians like Vai continue to serve those audiences who appreciate musicality, melody and true dedication to the art of music.

Where 49 meets 61 somewhere in Clarksdale, Mississippi is where Robert Johnson is said to have been given the gift of fretboard knowledge, and it is almost a certainty that Steve Vai was given the same Mephistophelian gift somewhere. During the concert, the screen even shows off scenes from the 1986 film Crossroads in which Vai’s character, a minion of Papa Legba falls foul of the Karate Kid, but that’s all fiction. In reality, Vai may be 62, but he is still reaching musical plateaus to challenge himself and indeed his myriad of listeners.

The endearing part of Vai’s compositional sense is to move from one place to the next with seamless ease, from a quiet moment to sudden torrents of blazing Zappatastic arpeggios bringing forth the vast array of effects pedals and racks of vintage/modern processing available to him.

If you ever get a chance to see Steve Vai in concert, brace yourself for an assault on your ears — a good assault.

 

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