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The Year 2022 When Parliament Finally Discovered “Integrity”

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2022, will go down in the history books and talked about by historians for centuries to come because it was the year that the Houses of Parliament finally discovered the concept of “integrity”.

Historian, Professor Lior Fibbs, from Cambridge University, was excited by the new finding.

“Absolutely incredible, it has taken centuries of lying, backstabbing, cheating, dishonesty, immorality and downright evil Machiavellianism to finally come to some form of ‘integrity’ and ‘honesty’. Centuries from now, historians will look at the year 2022 when members of parliament finally found the benefits of honesty and truth.”

The momentous event where integrity was discovered occurred during the ousting process of Prime Minister Boris Johnson. All of a sudden, ministers who in the past were immoral, indecent, depraved, unethical and downright dishonest found integrity when citing their displeasure with the wayward PM.

“I have integrity now, and the filthy dishonest PM does not. As soon as he is ousted though, somehow my integrity will disappear and I shall get back to immorality, lying and cheating,” one MP who resigned to destabilise Boris’ government quipped before slinking into the darkness.

Another MP who resigned revealed: “This integrity lark is hard work. I don’t know how much longer I can handle it before I crack?”

Why Boris is Holding On Despite Resignations

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We have lost count on the number of resignations so far from Boris’ crumbling government, however there is a very good reason for the PM to hold on.

Who are you to tell me to resign? Mass ministerial resignations like this are similar to an internet mob on Twitter or some other horrid platform wanting to cancel somebody or thing.

In these heady days of cancel culture, the ministerial mob are acting like bullies themselves.

The way Boris sees it, it is HIS god-given right to rule, mandated by that large majority he won during the last election. Conversely one could argue that Boris squandered that election win and through his apathetic actions shit in his own shoes but that is neither here nor there.

Never underestimate the tenacity and will to survive, despite all setbacks, when coming from a dog eat dog Lord of the Flies public school background where daily atrocities were simply scoffed at and if you did not fight, you would literally be stamped, reputation and all, into the ground.

As Boris sees it, he may be deluded in his fervour to ‘carry on’ but he won’t take orders from underlings or oiks.

Furthermore, there are options, and he is looking into those right now.

Ministers: SAS Could Be Sent in to Extricate Boris

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Desperate parliamentarians are in contact with SAS commanders in Hereford who may send in the regiment to extricate Boris Johnson who is refusing to leave Number 10 Downing Street.

After 43 MPs resigned from government and Michael Gove just got sacked, things are getting desperate.

“It’s like the Iranian embassy siege in 1980. Maggie sent the SAS boys in to clean the place out. This time, it’s a bloody prime minister who has taken Number 10 hostage,” one senior MP revealed.

BoJo lost his mojo and now has barricaded himself in Number 10. Time for the Hereford lads to escort the deluded Boris from fantasy to reality.

 

 

There is Nothing to See Here. Please Disperse!

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35, 43, 56 Tory MPs resign from Boris Johnson’s government. How many is too many?

It’s just another day in Downing Street with Boris Johnson, there is nothing to see here as the blood splatters Carrie’s expensive wallpaper.

Let us have some perspective, er…

Glug, glug, glug!

BBC Urging MPs to Resign Live on TV

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One would say that supposedly unbiased auntie was being a bit naughty by meddling in political games against the government however there is no doubt that the BBC urging MPs to resign live on TV is possibly contravening some sort of regulation.

The BBC text sent to MPs: “I appreciate you may well be staying in place but if you are planning on resigning we’d be very keen to get an interview with you – a resignation live on air would be even better. Please do let me know in confidence if that’s something you’d consider.”

The BBC is known as the fifth arm of the Labour Party and is clearly meddling in political games to reinforce its bias as well as increase its viewers.

End of the Line For the Greased Roasted Piglet Boris?

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There comes a moment when it’s time for slaughter, and unfortunately Boris Johnson is next on the line for the chop. Amongst the myriad of resignations from his government, kudos must be given to the PM for barricading the gates as the backstabbers line up to plunge the carving knife into him.

Now that the Tory government is imploding, Britain’s enemies are licking their lips to feast on the Boris corpse, roasted and glazed to perfection. Labour are now readying for a general election to push their favourite Soviet comrade Keir Starmer. Labour will only bring more chaos, economic bankruptcy and pain with their frivolous socialist spending sprees — that is — until all the money runs out once again.

How much roasting the little piglet gets is of course up to the rebel backbenchers and Cabinet ministers waiting to plunge their own knives in once the final deed is committed?

Boris’ demise is thus planned for either today, Thursday or Friday. The bell tolls and the knives are all out, being sharpened for the final carving.

 

Cabinet Resignations: Goodbye Sunak and Javid!

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Thank god for that, the dead wood are ejecting themselves voluntarily from the Cabinet. Sajid Javid and Rishi Sunak have left the Boris government.

A pinch too far

Rishi Sunak has left the Treasury and the British economy in a fucking dire mess. Don’t know what Sajid Javid did apart from wax his bald head every day — they used to call him the spit shine kid?

As for lying? Who tells the truth to snakes? If you don’t lie in parliament — you die.

All Boris has to do now is keep the assorted brutes, remoaners, backstabbers, plotters, EU agents, civil servant remoaners, and rest of the fuckers down for a while, so he can regroup.

Last chance saloon for Boris? Labour are getting ready to pounce. Meanwhile, the unelected EU Commission members are rubbing their hands with glee.

 

Lurpak Butter Now Used to Buy Cars and Expensive Commodities

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Forget about cash to buy a car, you can now use tubs of Lurpak butter for vehicle purchases.

No need to spread payments

“I bought a new Maserati Ghibli for just 47 tubs of Lurpak. Forget about spreading payments over two years, it’s just a case of spreading the Lurpak,” Harold Wilkinson, 43, an accountant from East Grimshite, Northamptonshire, revealed in The Sun.

Butter get outta the way

In the black market, Lurpak is now such a valuable commodity that numerous gangs are at war vying for exclusive distribution rights for the butter.

The Metropolitan Police have warned of numerous deaths attributed to the Lurpak butter wars currently raging in London Council estates.

Chief Detective Inspector Dennis Scratching, appealed to the public to be vigilant if they come across a tub of Lurpak in the streets.

“Lurpak is now more valuable than meth or cocaine, so dealers and gangs are using the tubs of butter as collateral for drug deals. If you come across a tub of Lurpak in the street please approach with extreme caution and contact the police immediately. You must leave the area immediately, and do not take the tub home to spread on your toast.”

Nick Kyrgios Will Be Displayed at London Zoo Ape House

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Wimbledon officials were today finalising a deal for tennis blockhead Nick Kyrgios to be displayed at London zoo’s ape house.

“We think the zoo will be the best place for Kyrgios. He will be cared for and given branches to swing from, as well as plenty of bananas,” Penny Cantwell, the zoo’s ape house senior keeper, revealed today.

Kyrgios is said to be from Australia and is a rare specimen who can hit objects very hard.

“He is quite dangerous and can hit balls very hard, including your own, if you’re not fucking careful,” one of the umpires from Wimbledon commented.

Ginny Wintertrout, 14, was excited by the new attraction at London zoo’s ape house.

“I cannot wait to see the new ape the zoo will be displaying. I have heard he is very wild and even spits at people. It’s a good thing there is a big glass window in the way.”

When Beauty Fades: Former Model Marie Helvin to Work in Tesco

Women who make careers solely on their looks have a shelf life, as revealed by former model and socialite Marie Helvin. Certainly, she was true beauty in her younger days, but age takes a toll — just look at Bridget Bardot.

Where men generally age like a fine wine supposedly, most women deteriorate quite rapidly in the looks department, of course lifestyle is a factor to consider.

One only has to glance at the horrid meat shop called Instagram to see thousands of women capitalising on their youthful looks. These women are whoring out their bodies for sponsorship deals and making big bucks, but eventually time will catch up with them. Men generally cannot command the money-making opportunities that women gain on sites like Instagram or Onlyfans. Certainly, these women offer a valuable aesthetic service for men to jack off to, however age is a factor that always seeps through the fake lens of sites like Instagram eventually.

The grotesque, grizzled form of Ulrika Jonsson in the nude is an image that definitely reeks of desperation. Not sure what happened to Ulrika, but baring her sinewy sagging body parts in some cheap newspaper is not a way to grow old gracefully.

When it comes to women in this article, we are talking about Western women of course, who through their daily endeavours age extremely ungracefully. If one were to look at for example Japanese women, they can be in their 60s and still have flawless bodies, skin and hair as well as the ability to fuck like wild animals on heat. Possibly a result of diet and Japanese genetics as well as lifestyle.

Natural beauty in women is always key to longevity. When women start dabbling with trout lips and basketball tit implants, then it’s game, set and match. Whoever thought that a woman’s lips bloated to the size of fucking birthday balloons smacking around in the air like a fish out of water was in any way beautiful, are blind mutilators. Women who mutilate their looks as age progresses are obviously narcissistic cocottes in denial. It’s nigh on impossible to even get a semi with one of these creatures flapping their fake fat lips around like a fish, whilst bouncing around on their huge fake silicon tits. The natural shape of the breasts should be sacrosanct.

It would be a wonderful experience to see Marie Helvin in your local Tesco supermarket stacking shelves or pushing a few cartons of orange juice around. All women should be loved whatever age they are, and however they look, but in the internet age of plastic Kardashianism they have been reduced to mere aesthetic commodities to be rated, wanked over, and swiped for the next piece of eye candy. They have, through despicable sites like Instagram, dug their own grave simply because of their numbers and the attention span of the average internet surfer reducing daily.