Osborne Wants to Introduce Tax on Austerity

LONDON – England – The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, wants to introduce a taxation on his austerity drive, he announced today in parliament.

Speaking at the House of Commons, the Chancellor outlined his new plan to introduce a heavy form of taxation on the austerity drive he has been implementing for the last year.

“In essence, what I am proposing is a taxation on austerity that will make your lives a lot harder and will increase revenue to the government. If you are experiencing severe cuts, loss of essential services and unemployment, we will find a way of taxing you for experiencing these government created situations,” Mr Osborne told MPs on Monday.

Johnnie Melbrooks, 43, who is unemployed, homeless and destitute told Sky news: “I beg your pardon. Did I hear that right? The Chancellor of the Exchequer wants to tax me for being homeless, without a job and basically fucked up? Well, come and get it Georgie boy, put your hand out and I’ll give you a nice steaming turd for your taxation because that is all I have left.”

George Osborne has vowed to bring the new austerity taxation legislation in to fruition by this summer and he claims that this will bring an extra thirty five pence into the overflowing Treasury coffers.

Taxation in Britain under the Coalition government is now the heaviest in the world where it cost £130 to fill a tank of petrol and the assortment of heavy taxation on all forms of income means that workers have to work for 347 days in a year before they make any money for themselves.

  • Burp

    They are introducing "austerity assessors" and they will also encourage neighbours and family members to snitch on each other's hardships in exchange for a 50p coupon to spend at Tesco. This way, it's clever you see. people will be too terrified of complaining about anything for fear of having to pay even more, so you will not hear many voices of dissent – just how the Tories like it.