“It’s like a minefield out here, one minute you get accosted by a manic chugger touting for your credit card details telling you that you are solely responsible for the life and death of every Bangladeshi baby ever born, when out of the bank comes a banking bugger begging for a top up on his bonus so that he can get his vintage Lamborghini Countach serviced next month,” a disgruntled resident of Finchley told the Evening Standard.
Britain’s High Streets are not only blighted by empty shop fronts, betting shops and Tesco stores but they are crawling with menacing legalised and illegal mugging operations.
“You’ve got a choice, you can get your head kicked in by a masked hoodie or you can get chugged to death by a charity mugger or you can have your entire wealth taken from you by a banking bugger. The choice is yours. Choose wisely,” Arthur Grimsdale, 56, said on Stoke Newington High Street, before being brutally assaulted by three chuggers, two banking buggers, a rottweiler and four hoodies.