Tum podem extulit horridulum
LOS ANGELES – CA – A dangerous Scatologist cult headed by actor Tom Cruise is plotting to take over the world, a leaked video reveals.
The controversial tape was leaked by Scatologists who had defected from the fecal cult and want to warn the rest of the world that Scatologists plan to take over.
Smuggled out of the Scatology compound in Los Angeles, former cult members travelled night and day over barbed wire fences and swamps chased by crazed Scatologists armed with toilet brushs.
Leaked Scatology Video
“I think it’s a privilege to call yourself a Scatologist and it’s something you have to earn through a special Scatology diet. And because a Scatologist eats all the right foods, he or she has the ability to create new and better fecal matter, and improve turd consistency every time.
“Being a Scatologist you look at someone and you know absolutely that you can help them create bigger and better bowel movements..so for me it really is KSW [Keeping Scatology Working] and it’s just, like, it’s something that I don’t mince words with that, you know with anything. But that Policy [doctrine of founder, L.Ron Enron] with me has really gone, ‘Plop’.
“There was a time I strained and held on and only managed a small pebble poo movement, I said, you know what, when I let go of my sphincter, I might just let out this huge ‘Pooh’ : this is it. This is exactly how L. Ron does it.
[Tom then lets off a large fart and his eyes roll back in his eye sockets with extreme pleasure]
“Being a Scatologist , when you drive past an underpant accident, it’s not like anyone else, it’s, you drive past, you know you have to do something about it and your nose gets stuck in. You know you are the only one who can really help. That’s what drives me – big smelly poo poo accidents.
“I know that we have an opportunity to show the world that Scatology is the way forward and, er, to really help for the first time and effectively change people’s poops for the better, and I’m dedicated to that. I’m gonna, I’m absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to faeces.
“We are the authorities on getting people off constipation. We are the authorities. We are the authorities on improving bowel movements. We can rehabilitate constipators. We can bring fluid and united bottom movement and implement these into our Scatology parties. That once you know the pleasure of fecalizing and you know that the poop sticks, it’s not good enough that I’m just doing Ok I gotta do a behemoth poo on my disciples.
“It’s like, we’re here to help. If you’re a Scatologist, you see poo, toilet paper, the way they are, in all it’s messy glory, in all of it’s smelly wonder, and the more you poo as a Scatologist, the more you become overwhelmed by it. [Laughs again, clapping his hands insanely]
[Tom giggles to himself and his eyes bulge out as he releases another big smelly poo into his lederhosen – the constant loop for the Mission Impossible music plays on]