Leslie Ash Gets Big Smile on Her Face

LONDON - England - The actress Leslie Ash had a big smile on her face today after being awarded £5 million of taxpayers money from the NHS.

NHS Gets Fat Lip

The vain actress, Leslie Ash plans to get more plastic cosmetic surgery with the massive windfall.

“I feel that my lips aren’t big enough yet and plan to have a smile so wide that it will take up the whole width of my head.”

Five million pounds is more than enough to bring a wider botox smile to her already smiley face. The NHS handed over the money to the actress after she contracted MSSA (treatable with antibiotics) in a hospital when she was there receiving treatment for a broken rib after a wild sex session with her boyfriend.

Lip Service

The sum of five million pounds could be used to pay for more equipment or staff so that hospitals can combat MSSA and MRSA. Instead, the enormous amount of money has been awarded to Ms. Ash for an altogether costly coital injury – that sure was one expensive f*ck!

After hearing of the large payout there were massive queues building up of people waiting to be admitted as patients outside the NHS hospital where Leslie acquired her windfall prize.

The actress plans to celebrate with her favourite fish supper tonight and you can guess what that is – trout.