17.7 C
Thursday, May 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldLondon Voted Best World City for Quality of Life

London Voted Best World City for Quality of Life

LONDON - England - Ken Livingstone, the London Mayor and Gordon Brown, Prime Minister have commissioned a think tank to conduct a study on London's high standing world status.

You too could live in a city where the roads are filled with filth and rubbish, where the overcrowded traffic jammed violent grey CCTV nightmare snuffs the very life out of its suffering inhabitants. A city where the residents are taxed to death to exist in virtual prisons and slums not worthy of a Krakow ghetto in 1941. A city where everything is so overpriced that the only people left able to afford its nasty amenities are the awful, crass and vulgar Russian gangsters and pimps who seem to have colonised vast swathes of Kensington and Chelsea.

The authoritarian
government also likes to watch everything in London with the vast
network of CCTV cameras and traffic cams that span the city. Once you
step outside of your house, every citizen is filmed on average over 300
times daily. The rise in CCTV monitoring of course has not dented the huge increase in violent crime in the capital with daily stabbings and shootings. CCTV is simply there to monitor – it cannot solve crimes committed by hoodies or stop violence after the act.

“If you’re not into getting your face battered in by a gang of hoodies on a crowded underground train that stinks of tramps piss on a Tuesday morning, don’t fu**ing come here then,” says Britain’s Culture and Tourism Secretary John Blunkett Smith.

Red Ken

Ever since the staunch Stalinist Ken Livingstone became London Mayor he has made London a horrible, violent, wasteful, overcrowded, smelly, overpriced nightmare of a city. A toilet of dirt paid for by ‘sheeple’ taxpayers with no say or rights who simply obey their nasty masters without question or reason.

Red Ken is also well known for creating the congestion zone where citizens willingly pay eight pounds per day to sit in a traffic jam in central London. The congestion scheme has worked for the government by increasing revenue for its state coffers but has not reduced congestion in London and has merely displaced the problem elsewhere.

Ken Livingstone’s personal budget runs into hundreds of thousands of pounds per annum – all spent mainly on taxis and expensive restaurants for him and his staff. He recently completed an all expenses paid trip to China which cost the taxpayer £450,000 for him and his huge entourage. The reason for the trip was never disclosed, but Ken sure did enjoy the hospitality very much thank you.

An American tourist from New York recounts his harrowing trip to London last November. “I felt very unsafe walking in London, especially after dark when the roaming gangs come out. There are no police in the streets.”

Tourism has fallen severely in London due to the many factors that deter people from spending their cash in the rude, violent, expensive sewer that is London.

Heavy taxation of the ‘plebiscite’ as espoused by the Gordon Brown regime of hard-labour and misery seems to suit Londoners very well and they take to large tax increases like ducks to water.

“The English, especially Londoners, have an affinity for paying huge taxes without question. Every year we increase taxes and decrease services and they’re still smiling. You can actually walk up to an English man and squeeze out a turd onto his plate and he will thank you for it – they are that willing to please authority. We’ve been getting away with murder in this country for years and no one is saying a single word. Gordon’s going to raise taxes on everything next month and increase fuel duty by 2p again. This means fuel tax is a whopping 84% of the fuel price per litre. You can’t do this anywhere else in the world and get away with it.” The Labour peer who the Daily Squib interviewed in one of the numerous Parliamentary watering holes chortled into his Champagne glass and let out an almighty guffaw.

Never has a Government apart from Stalinist Russia had so much control over the cowering pliant population.

The cesspool that is London is a stinking sewer being abandoned by the money men and non-doms. They who brought the wealth to London are now scuttling the ship they kept above the waves. Thanks to Gordon Brown and his tax hungry ways he has scared away the money.

Cool Brittania?

Not anymore. What was left of ‘Cool Britain’ is a morose shadow of its former self. The Labour government has ruined the capital and the nation as a whole. Under the spin of the Blairite mirage and the Stalin Bean tax monster Brown it has lost its lustre.

You can polish a turd as much as you want but at the end of the day – it’s still a turd.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"


Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »