The announcement was received with cheer across the country, and school children travelled far and wide to Downing Street to leave presents for the PM.
“Well, I’ve listened to the people and they want their voices heard. We do actually have a democracy in this country, and the people wanted a referendum, they shall have it now. The EU is incompatible with Britain, and even though I acted like a traitor and treasonous weasel before, I want the best for our nation. This is why the proposed EU referendum of 2017, which was never going to happen anyway, will in fact be put forward to June 2014. If you’ve planned your summer hols, you’d best cancel them. This one’s important,” Mr Cameron said from 10 Downing Street.
Tory polls went through the roof on the wonderful news, leaving Ukip and Labour behind. The announcement will ensure a guaranteed election win for Cameron.
Street parties will be announced all over Britain next week, and there will be an extended Bank holiday of ten days.