“I cannot wait for our communist partners China to build a spy network embassy!”

I have wonderful news, comrades! I am so happy! The Communist Chinese Party will be building a massive spy network embassy in the Soviet British capital so they can spy on the American communications more closely, and other evil democratic nations like Australia, India, Japan and everyone else.

The delightful Chinese ambassador is thrilled too, he said this to me today: “你是个白痴”. I do not know what he said, but I suspect many people agree with the sentiment.

Within this remarkable embassy, China will build a hidden chamber alongside Britain’s most sensitive communication cables as part of a network of 208 secret rooms beneath its new London “super-embassy”.

I have okayed the detailed plans for the underground spy complex below the vast diplomatic site in central London, which Beijing has been trying to keep from public disclosure. I am so excited, maybe our own Stasi officers and agents can learn more from our Chinese comrades on how to spy on the Yankee capitalist democratic barbarians and our own proles.

Give it a few years, and we’ll all probably be speaking Chinese anyway …

Here’s to Comrade Xi Jinping and his lovely new spy embassy — love ya, Comrade Starmer.