Things are heating up in the 16-bathroom Californian hideout of Meghan and Harry.
The couple’s gay spokesman Ovid Scoobie and author of their bargain bucket book has revealed in his newspaper column that since Harry has had his military titles stripped by the Queen, he’s gone a bit bonkers.
“Meghan does not know how to handle the former prince’s antics. He gets up at four in the morning and blows his bugle for reveille. Then at 4.30 Harry has an army breakfast of shit on a shingle (SOS) and coffee that would strip the paint off walls. At 5 am Harry is marching up and down the house, through bedrooms, and in the garden. He marches all around for four hours every day shouting at the top of his voice. We think he thinks he is a sergeant or something. The other day while he was marching he ordered one of the gardeners to join in, the poor man did not come in to work the next day.”
Harry is probably a little anxious about a certain announcement to be made soon.
According to sources, the rest of the day is filled by Harry polishing his boots, and shining his fake medals.
Meghan is at her wits end about Harry still thinking he is in the British army, however someone has suggested a solution to the problem.
One Californian friend has suggested that a barracks is built at the bottom of the garden where Harry can indulge in his delusional army exercises.
“Have the barracks built right down the hill where Harry will be happy, and you guys can be happy without all the noise he makes. When it’s lunchtime, throw in a few sarnies, or better still some army ration packs over the walls of the barracks. Meghan will not see Harry for days then, and once again she will be a happy camper.”