Who Was Kobe Bryant?

LOS ANGELES - USA - According to news reports emanating from America some guy who bounced balls around on a court died.

Apparently when some American celebrity dies the world is supposed to stop what it is doing and weep profusely at the loss of such a character of import.

Did this chap discover an important scientific breakthrough like the cure for cancer or some other horrid disease? Was he an inventor, or a statesman who engineered peace throughout some war torn continent? Was he an author who brought joy to millions with his books, or maybe even a painter of eminence whose creations adorned galleries worldwide?

Not really. This guy bounced balls around a court and threw the ball sometimes through a hoop. No doubt he brought great joy to Americans, but otherwise, no one else gave a shit about him.

According to his Wikipedia page, Bryant raped a 19-year-old girl in a motel a few years ago, but naturally in an age of celebrity corruption, he was able to pay her off with all his millions. No one of course mentioned this chap’s rapacious escapades in the American media yesterday, which has about as much clout as a nun in a whorehouse. Double standards are the standard position, especially for a politically correct media that miraculously omits certain details when the protected person involved is African American.

On the announcement of his death, black Americans came out with their eulogies, and wept openly in the streets and television. This is all they really have, eight foot high heroes with brains the size of peas going up and down, up and down basketball courts ad infinitum, and throwing balls around. How quaint.