Dodgy Theresa

“It’s got power steering, a V12 engine, and a sun roof, this is the latest Lamborghini model,” car saleswoman Dodgy Theresa May declares as she points to a 1986 Datsun.

“‘ere I’ve got a good one from Europe last week, sold to me by a chap called Juncker, this thing can go at 12 MPH and not break a sweat,” Dodgy Theresa points proudly at a supermarket cart from Lidl.

“Look at this beauty (pointing at a beaten up Mazda circa 1987) it still has the same old trim and cigarette butts in the ashtray. If you look closely you can see the semen stains in the back. This one is up on offer, but you better hurry because I have a few non existent customers coming soon to check it out, so make the purchase quick,” a proud Dodgy Theresa quips.

Despite being the chief sales person on the lot, useless Theresa hasn’t been able to sell anything for over two years. Her bosses in Brussels, Belgium are thinking of canning her, with a replacement soon.

“Yes, yes, I got a call from my bosses in Europe yesterday. They said I’m fucking useless and should be sent to the glue factory. I said, watch this! I will sell all the cars on the lot by 12 tomorrow!” a defiant artful dodger Theresa recalled.

Naturally, Dodgy Theresa chickened out of her dare, and was last seen cowering under her desk in the office. Oh dear, where has it all gone wrong for Dodgy Theresa? What a nightmare.

Anyway, would you ever buy a used car from Dodgy Theresa? We thought not.