Turkeys Celebrate After Bernard Matthews Death

NORFOLK - England - It has been a long time coming, but the day that mass turkey farmer, Bernard Matthews, bit the dust, the turkeys thought they finally got some relief.

Bernard Matthews is well known in England for the massive warehouses full of turkeys piled high and processed for human consumption.

Some workers working in the warehouses claim that the turkeys sighed with relief as soon as Matthews passed away.

“We noticed that when we were processing the millions of turkeys last thursday, when Bernard died, there was suddenly a big sigh of relief from the turkeys in the warehouse. They all stopped gobbling and sighed. It’s as if they knew that the mass farmer had gone to the other side. Well, the poor blighters thought they had a pardon, but we started up the machines again and they continued to go through the mincer,” Mick Kief, a Bernard Matthews abattoir worker told Factory Farm Weekly.

Another worker at the turkey processing plant said: “Where Bernard’s going, I’m sure he’ll have a ‘Bootiful’ time. He can join all the millions of turkeys he’s sent through the shredder, maybe this time, they’ll give him the ‘boot’ eh?”