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LONDON - England - Newly released diaries from one of Gordon Brown's personal aides suggest that, in Brown's case, illness could have helped to contribute to the paranoia and ruthlessness of his rule over Britain.
London - England - Former prime minister, Gordon Brown, is warning the world's leaders about the unemployment explosion, and economic destruction amongst the young caused by his policies and insane spending sprees during his time in government.
FIFE - Scotland - Safe in his bolthole far away from any repercussions, former prime minister, Gordon Brown is hailing his success in destroying the UK's economy irreparably.
HARARE - Zimbabwe - Speaking from one of his palaces outside the capital city, Robert Mugabe announced his upcoming visit to the UK to congratulate unelected British PM Gordon Brown on his exemplary electoral record and control technique over the British population.
LONDON - England - Supreme unelected comrade in chief, Gordon Brown, today survived a coup attempt to install democracy in Soviet Britain.
GRIMLY - England - The people of Soviet Britain are set to vote for Comrade Brown once again, Labour party officials declared last night.