Gordon Brown is now a destitute tramp who doesn’t wash or sleep under a roof, residents of his constituency of Kirkcaldy have told the BBC.
Ever since he was ousted as PM, you may have wondered where Gordon Brown has been. Well, the answer is he has been seen moping around the streets and canals of Kirkcaldy with no possessions apart from a black bin bag and tattered book about courage which he claims to have written.
“It’s very sad indeed. After Gordon was finally booted out of Number10, he went downhill fast. He started on the booze, then his wife Sarah kicked him out for throwing stuff around and his boozed up temper tantrums. We see him daily roaming the streets shouting at people, calling old women bigots and generally showing a very bitter face to the world. Oh how the times have changed. One minute he was a high felooting Neo-Stalinist control freak being bussed around the world and country ruining the economies of Britain and the world, next he was back in Kirkcaldy, a nobody. He was a beaten man. Eventually his wife and kids could not take it anymore. All the fax machines and mobile phones being constantly thrown at them,” a fed up resident of Kirkcaldy told the BBC.
Things have been very tough for Mr Brown as of late. When he is not hanging outside the local Londis with a can of Special, he can be seen scrounging for scraps in bins and the kebab shop on the high street.
“He does get quite abusive sometimes. He keeps muttering something about saving the world. Everyone gives him a wide berth that’s for sure. If you see Gordon coming, you best get out the way or you’ll get a load of aggro. We’re hoping he moves on somewhere else, he should go back to London. Maybe he could become a fixture at the tent city in Parliament square,” Reverend Pilkington, the local vicar for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath told the KirkCow Gazette.