Comrades, I have very bad news for you. Unelected Comrade Brown passed away last night peacefully in his sleep after the poison administered to his cabbage soup finally took effect.
Remember this date comrades, May 11, 2010. Where were you when the great unelected one passed away?
The Daily Squib office staff were in tears after news of the supreme leader’s death filtered through when a passerby ran into our offices late last night.
The man shouted: “The great comrade Brown is dead!”
We shouted: “Shut up. That’s impossible!” then we turned on the office wireless radio and lo and behold it was true.
After the news came through everyone felt lost; nobody knew what would happen next. Everybody was in shock–like a child who has lost his parents in Asda on geriatric day. It was terrible. We had believed the ideology of the British Soviet Empire, which declared: “Lenin has not died and Brown will not die. He is eternal.”
All school classes were cancelled. All workers ceased work in the factories. Everybody was crying in the streets and in their homes.
Visibly distraught Daily Squib staffers immediately boarded a train for the 36-hour ride to the great leader’s hometown of Grimsty for comrade Brown’s funeral.
Four million people gathered in Trafalgar Red Square to see off the open coffin. Far too many were gathered in one place and, as a result, hundreds of people were crushed to death. One of our reporters, Mike Hunt, who was standing in front of the “Kollony Zal” (Hall of Pillars) of the Westminster Duma, says he could hear the sound of bones cracking.
After the funeral of the great supreme unelected commander in chief, the people of Soviet Britain were left to survey the wonderful legacy and delights the great comrade left the nation before his tragic passing.