Tories Offer Lib Dems 4-Slice Toaster and Answering Machine

LONDON - England - Counteracting the Labour party who offered the Lib Dems a trouser press and digital alarm clock radio, the Tories are now offering the Lib Dems a 4-slice toaster and a telephone answering machine.

Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg, was at a loss for words after the latest offers were put on the table: “Should I go for the 4-slice toaster or the alarm clock radio? I’m going to the left, then to the right, then slightly diagonal, then more to the left. I think the trouser press looks great though. Oh lord, what should I do?”

The Labour party were even mulling over throwing in a DVD player or iPod in addition to their current offer.

“We’re upping the stakes here. We’re not just offering the Lib Dems any old tat off the back of a f*cking lorry like the Tories. We’re offering them some prime goods from Argos,” a Labourite Rottweiler spat at a reporter outside parliament.