“Britain and Zimbabwe have many parallels. We have both had wonderful elections where despite the majority of the population voting for the opposition, Gordon and I still stayed in power. We also had instances of massive voter fraud as well as our thugs turning away thousands of potential voters from polling stations. But now, we will also have a similar economy because of our steely grip on power. Soon the UK pound will be almost as worthless as the Zimbabwe dollar. The people of Britain much like Zimbabwe will need to take suitcases of money around with them to buy the simplest of goods, that is, if there are any goods left in the shops. To this end, I have cancelled another one of my bogus elections, which I will no doubt win again, to leave immediately to the UK to congratulate my dear friend and pupil Gordon Brown. I have even postponed my weekly torture schedule to accomodate Mr Brown, who has come a long way from his unelected entrance into the fray a few years ago,” Mr Mugabe told Zimbabwe state television last night.
Gordon Brown, who was relaxing in Number10 today watching a some of the DVD boxset films given to him by US president Barack Obama last year, was in a jubilant mood at news that his old friend was to visit.
“I am absolutely delighted that Mr Mugabe, my dear old friend, is coming to visit me. I hope to have him offer me even more advice about how to conduct bogus elections and increase levels of voter fraud. I will be asking more economic advice from him, and will also give him tips on how to ruin his country further too,” Mr Brown said from Downing street.