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LOS ANGELES - USA - Feminist groups are urging the banning of all Christmas trees, usually used in the Christmas season and decorated, to be banned as they represent a fertile phallus as conducted in Pagan ceremonies thousands of years ago, and later adopted by Christians.
OXFORD - England - In response to an advertisement depicting a Greggs sausage roll instead of Jesus in a Manger, many Christians have declared Jihad on the bakery.
NEW YORK - USA - If you're going to ban Muslims from entering America, it goes without saying that Christians should be banned as well.
WASHINGTON D.C - USA - From the absence of religion of the Obama years, Trump's inauguration doled out more God-botherers in half an hour than Obama's whole term.
BERLIN - Germany - Speaking at the Bundestag on Monday, Chancellor Angela Merkel has stipulated that each Islamic male is allowed to keep a small harem of German women.
LONDON - England - Christian theologians have revealed how the worldwide floods written in the Holy Bible explain the extraordinary feats that Noah achieved by preserving every species of animal on the planet.
ROME - Italy - The Catholic Church's top exorcist, who claims to have sent 160,000 imaginary demons back to hell, from his own mind says he wants Pope Francis to allow all priests to start performing the ritual to deal with the scourge of some very sick delusional puppies walking around the streets and churches around the world.
HELMAND PROVINCE - Afghanistan - The West is deluded when they think they can ever win a war against any predominantly Muslim country, a prominent think tank has summised.