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White Americans Outraged by Obama's Healthcare Plans

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Here in Lebanon Pennsylvania jeers and taunts ring out from the local town hall where a congregation of locals rail at the new president’s plans to socialise American healthcare. The majority of the assembled crowd are white middle-class and damn angry.

“Why should we have to pay for all the other people to have health care? I’ve worked hard all of my life and I pay for my own health insurance. Why should we end up like the socialist British with their crumbling NHS dealing with binge drinkers all day and night. You have to wait months, even years to get any treatment in the old crumbling, dirty, Victorian hospitals with hardly any facilities,” one man told the assembled crowd of 1,500.

Indeed, it is true, the proponents of socialised healthcare know that those who stand to gain most are the millions of illegal immigrants and mainly African American/Hispanic population who do not have healthcare or will ever have a chance of getting it under a Republican government.

“Why should white people have healthcare and not us? African Americans want to get treated too. Now that Obama is saying we should get healthcare and that white folk should pay for it they’re getting all angry? Well, they needs to grow up for a change,” Elijah Jones, 47, a resident of Detroit told CBS news.

America’s known population is approximately 304 million compared to the UK’s of 60 million people, making a viable NHS style healthcare system an immense burden on America’s already bankrupted taxpayers. Even with the UK’s relatively low population there are serious limitations to treatment and there are cost thresholds for each person’s life.

Britain’s National Institute for Clinical Evidence (NICE), which evaluates treatments in terms of the average increase in life expectancy states that if the cost of prolonging someone’s life for a year exceeds more than £30,000, then the NHS will not pay for that treatment. The NHS thus DOES decide who lives or dies in the UK through a ‘death panel’ and if the Americans were to get their own healthcare system like Britain’s NHS they would have to incorporate a similar system in the United States.

If one looks at the British system, the NHS is on it’s knees with massive black holes in it’s huge budget through mountainous inefficiency and waste which severely puts limitations on the quality of treatment for every individual in the UK. The lack of funding under Labour, as well as the vast increase in the UK’s population due to unfettered immigration has left the NHS moribund and near death.

UK waiting lists for the NHS are huge and most wait for treatment for many years only to die before anything is done for them, that is, unless you are a high ranking Labour politician or part of the hierarchy like a scientist or social technician.

“Here in the UK, anyone can be treated by the NHS, that’s why half of the third world is daily trying to come across the Channel to these islands. Many succeed and are granted leave to remain, thus increasing the burden on society. Britain’s binge and stab culture is also a huge burden on the already overloaded system. Every day the NHS is inundated with millions of patients who want costly treatments costing billions per annum. The NHS is just a huge blackhole for taxpayers money to pay for everyone’s healthcare. So why can’t America do the same thing? You will see the benefits for your populations,” Britain’s Health Minister, Burnham Haemorrhoid MP told a CNN news program about healthcare on Monday.

If you get cancer in England’s NHS system you are consigned to mediocre treatment and a quick death, at least in America there is a good level of service for cancer treatments and the survival rates are much improved than the UK. This may all change of course, if Obama embraces the British system.

Once again, president Barack Obama has opened up a huge festering sore on American society. The US is a fractured nation where inequality is so engrained that it may take an internal war to solve.

Midwest Americans are now joining paramilitary and militia groups so fast that the authorities cannot keep track of them, all it would take is a certain spark to go off and America would be turned into a tinderbox of guns, psychos and pent up anger that has been at boiling point for quite some time now.

As Senator Arlen Specter said on Monday: “There is more anger in America today than at any time I can remember.”

Ku Klux Klan Betrayed by Obama Election Promises

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It was meant to be the dream ticket, the endorsement of the century — instead the KKK are regretting they ever endorsed Barack Obama.

“It’s been one thing after another I tell you’se. We, the Ku Klux Klan, endorsed the first ever negro president of the USA and we really thought there was going to be ‘Change’. Sheeit! The boy duped us good. He was all talk and no substance. I don’t want to pay for everybody’s goddamn healthcare, all those ghettos and shit. As soon as the boy declares free health care for everyone what you think’s gonna happen? That’s right, half of Mexico is going to come over the border, hell, they already over here enough anyway,” Grand Turk, Cletus Monroe, told the Squib practically sobbing into his hood.

The Klan leaders across America are all kicking themselves that they were ever sweet talked into endorsing Barack Hussein Obama for president.

“After he became president, thanks to us I might add, Ronnie himself even invited him down to our compound here in Kentucky. He never came, he used us then dumped us. Where was our beer session in the White House garden huh? Thanks for nothing Obama, after all we did for you stupid Muslim b*tch,” Mr Monroe added.

It’s not just the Ku Klux Klan who feel they have been disenfranchised by Barack Hussein Obama, it seems the American people are slowly waking up to the lies as well.

Your move Barack!

Hazel Blears Trades in her Old Banger for Cash

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“I’ve taken advantage of the tax system so why not the car scrappage scheme?” Ms Blears told the Manchester Evening News.

The car that Ms Blears gave to be scrapped was barely road worthy with four slashed tires, smashed windscreens and extensive damage to the bodywork.

“We’ve seen some pretty dodgy cars turning up for the scrappage scheme but her car really took the biscuit. It looked like it had done ten rounds with Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond. Looks like she’s milking the system again eh,” one of the workers for the scheme told ITN news.

Looks like Ms Blears needed the cash after having to make a late payment by cheque for something or other recently.

Evil Unmasked – Baby P Killers Laugh at Law

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“In America, if anyone commits a heinous crime like torturing and murdering a young child, they are named and shamed, then imprisoned for life and not just three years as in the Baby P case. Over here, they will be released under new names, given new identities and paid hundreds of thousands of taxpayers money per annum to live a life of leisure under protection. They will also be given any creature comforts they ask for for as long as they live and given free reign to travel the world at their leisure,” an unnamed barrister, speaking about the British law system, revealed to us.

No Justice

The cowardly mainstream press, who are merely another arm of the hypocrisy and shameful handling of the Baby P case, are set to make another killing soon in sales from the Baby Peter case as ‘new’ revelations are revealed.

Such is the ineptitude and inefficacy of the courts to mete out any form of proper justice for the crime that was committed by the baby killers that the system of law in Britain cannot be taken seriously.

“You can do anything here and get a maximum of two or three years. Torture and murder is now part of daily living in the UK. You can go and

stab a few people at the bus stop then get a 6 month suspended jail sentence, come out and repeat the process. The Labour government sees fit to protect the rights of killers and murderers as well as paying them off with huge payments to complement their crimes whilst victims get nothing. Living in Britain today, it is actually better to be a criminal because the government will look after you 110%. Criminals get vocational courses in prison, luxury facilities and monthly shopping visits outside supervised by a warden. It’s like a holiday camp where you don’t pay a penny. Why do you think people are jumping over themselves to come over here? It’s a criminals paradise where there is no comeback for crimes and where the innocent are punished needlessly by the state,” the unnamed barrister said.

The UK under Labour is a cesspool of virulent crime where you would be hard pressed to see a policeman on the streets let alone have one turn up if you phone the emergency line. Crime is getting so bad that some residents are hiring their own neighborhood police forces because they have no faith in the regular police.

Friday and Saturday nights are now called ‘Stab Nights’ because that’s when the mass stabbings in the streets get so bad that the blood flows into the gutters. Of course, there are stabbings during weekdays but thankfully not as many as the weekends.

The Daily Squib asked a crime statistician for the UK’s Independent Statistics Board on how they viewed the whole situation: “The UK is the stab capital of the world. You can get stabbed just by looking at one of the thugs roaming the streets. It is dangerous to look at anyone, plus if you want to die quickly, try to ask one of the thugs to keep the noise down in a cinema or congregating in your front garden boozing and shouting. We now have one of the highest crime rates in the world and thanks to Labour’s ineffectual policies of waste and nonsense, they have ruined our country permanently. It may take many generations until the current mess is bred out of the population.”

Stephen Fry Fans Close to Suicide After Twitter Goes Down for Six Hours

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During the terrible moment when Twitter was offline, there was mass panic around the worldwide web as the inane witty twitterings of Stephen Fry were curtailed for more than six hours.

“I was distraught and even considered jumping off my apartment building’s roof. There were no more witty descriptions of Stephen making toast and tea, or embarking on another of his walks to the library, or his wonderful ramblings about what i-phone app is the best. When Twitter came back after six hours of my life that felt like an eternity, I cried with relief, it was like someone reattached the oxygen to my imaginary mask,” Jeremy Corbett, 34, from Norwich told the BBC.

Another Stephen Fry fan told of his harrowing experience: “I was just about to refresh Stephen Fry’s Twitter page for the ten thousandth time that day when I got the spinning wheel of death on my mac, that’s when I knew something serious was up. I tried three or four more times but still nothing. I even tried to reboot but still nothing. This went on for a few hours until I actually contemplated going to my medicine cabinet and popping some pills thus ending it all. As I was about to go, I refreshed once more and there was a flicker on the screen. I’ve never cried like that ever before.”

Experts believe that the Denial of Service attack that brought Twitter down for six hours was possibly perpetrated by one of the only sane people left on the planet.

Harriet Harman: "Emasculation Key to Economic Success"

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The man-hating harpy, Harriet Harman, today spoke of her disgust of all men in government and the City.

“I want all these snivelling men to be emasculated, they should all have their balls removed because they’re men. Once that happens, we can get our sisters to rise up once and for all and take what is rightly ours. The world will then be a fairer place for us to live and there will be no more wars, just discussions about whose wearing what and what kind of eyeliner is better. There will be no more economic crisis, because we shall all be at Brent Cross shopping with limitless credit cards, there shall be no more of those chauvinist pigs leching over our bodies because the men will not have any of their balls. Instead they shall be our slaves. We shall rise up sisters after many centuries of persecution and chaos, we shall take power and save the planet from their testosterone laden disease.”

Ms Harman who is currently overseeing the running of the country because prime minister Gordon Brown is away on holiday at his dacha in Grimsby, is on the warpath as the Minister for Women and Equality and even plans on changing her surname to ‘Harperson’ to show her PC credentials.

“I am going to change my name from ‘Harman’ to ‘Harperson’ because every time I see or hear that name it is like being raped by one of those chauvinist pig men. I hate men, can you imagine having a ‘man’ in your surname? Oh, the irony. I blame my father who was of course a bloody man. Well, from now on call me Harperson, or why not just call me Harpy.”

Northern Wreck Needs More Taxpayers Money After Massive Losses

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“We’ve just lost £724 million pounds of your money, but thanks to Gordon Brown and his lackey, Alistair Darling we are sure to get more of your cash so we can give out more 125% mortgages to people who cannot pay us back. It’s a rather good business model don’t you think? This way, I get paid my huge salary and bonus, the desperate get their 125% mortgages and the chumps like you, the taxpayer get to pay for it all. Don’t forget to vote Labour again,” Chief executive of the failing Wreck of the North, Gary Hoffman told the Daily Squib.

Brown’s reverse Midas touch strikes again

Thanks to Labour’s forward thinking during the banking crisis created by their policies in the first place, the taxpayer has taken a huge hit for something they never asked for or had any say in.

In addition, the bank has also lost £1.2bn of retail deposits, with savings levels falling in the six months due to “no one in their right minds putting money into something that Gordon Brown and his cronies are overseeing”.

“You’d have to be f*cking insane to put any savings into Northern Wreck, are you mad? It’s going down so far into the abyss and financial quagmire created by New Labour that we’d be lucky to see the Wreck around in a few months. It’s bye bye time for sure. Just get anything you have in there out. Sharpish.” an OAP from Newcastle’s Fenham area told our reporter.

‘Octomom’ Squirts Black Ink at CBS Anchorwoman

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It has been another roller-coaster week in a
life that even the most far-fetched fiction writer would not invent for the 33 year old ‘Octomom’ Nadya Suleman.

First there was the incident with a traffic cop on the Interstate 405 when Octomom was stopped for speeding, but during the stop she grabbed the policeman and would not let go until he let her off the ticket. Witnesses said that the policeman was crying after being held by the Octomom for more than 45 minutes.

“She had a vice like grip, like it was somekind of glue or something. I’ve never seen an LAPD cop cry like that. He was pleading for his life. Octomom had grabbed him by the testicles and was squeezing so hard his eyes were literally bulging. He let her off the speeding ticket and drove off swerving all over the place, poor bastard,” Jonah Hanson, 45, told the LA Times.

Then on Thursday, there was a further incident that was caught live on TV.

The Octomom squirted CBS’ Julie Chen in the face with black ink when she dared asked the Octomom some questions she did not like. The CBS interview for the Early Show was also filmed by a British production company who have been following the daily life of ‘Octomom’.

“Julie Chen asked her if she was exploiting her eight children and pursuing lucrative television deals by using them to make money. Octomom looked at Jule Chen, then lifted her skirt and squirted the anchor with a dark black liquid, it was like a real octopus squirting black ink to escape predators. Filming was shut down immediately and the Octomom was led out of the studio by security guards,” one of the production crew recalled.

According to marine biologists, the Octomom acted like a real octopus does in it’s own habitat when threatened by a predator.

“An octopus sometimes squirts a unique substance called ink into the
water. It does this when it needs to defend itself from predators such
as seals, whales, and sharks. The Pacific giant octopus, like
many other kinds of octopus, may squirt ink to make the water dark.
That way, a predator can’t see the octopus escape. At other times, the
inky cloud serves as a decoy. The cloud actually looks like the octopus
itself. As the predator attacks the decoy, the real octopus makes its
getaway! This is what the ‘Octomom’ did in these circumstances and must have felt threatened by Julie Chen’s questions so she squirted the co-anchor in the face thus making a quick exit. We’re still looking into which orifice the black ink like substance was squirted from. Julie Chen was covered from head to toe with the black liquid which also stank to high heaven,” Professor Janice Lieber, head of Marine Biology at the California Institute of Marine Studies told the LA Times.

The documentary will be aired in October and is set to make the ‘Octomom’ very rich.

The adventures of Octomom have held the American public’s imagination and everyday there are updates on her whereabouts and escapades, but there is a warning to any folks who get on the wrong side of the Octomom, watch out, you can get squirted.

Oasis to Support Ricky Martin for One-Off Intimate Manchester Gig

Oasis are said to be excited to support the Puerto Rican singer in the Manchester United stadium for the one-off extravaganza.

“We’re excited to be supporting Ricky Martin, he’s our favourite singer and we all listen to him on the tour bus. Liam loves the song Living La Vida Loca, and he’s even got the camp dance moves down to a T. I’ve heard Ronaldo’s going to be in the audience as well and we’re going to make sure we blow him a big kiss, innit!” Noel Gallagher told Melody Maker magazine.

Ricky Martin will play the concert at the 45,000-capacity venue on August 20 with support from Oasis.

The announcement of the gig follows news from Ricky Martin that he’s “always fancied a bit of rough”, and is looking forward to meeting the knuckle dragging brothers, Liam and Noel for the first time.

Tickets for the date go on sale on August 3 at 10am.

Oasis also play the Munters Arms in Dagenham, London on August 14 supporting Lily Allen.

Obama Finds Secret Room in White House

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The secret room was said to belong to former US president, Bill Clinton, as a place where he could hide objects and enjoy some time away from his wife, Hillary.

The room was discovered when one of Obama’s daughters accidentally touched an old book in the presidential library and a secret panel slid open revealing the secret hideout. The room had not been discovered for a while because George W Bush could not read and rarely ever entered the White House library.

“During his presidency, Bill ordered the secret service to fix him a room so he could enjoy some time with the many young ladies smuggled into the White House. In the room, we found paintings of some of the girls, like a portrait of Monica Lewinski, and even a set of blue dresses with some kind of crusty white stains on them. Everything had a fine coat of dust because the room had not been used since 2001. Looks like the 42nd president of the United States sure had a good time, we found racks of Cuban cigars and a score chart on the wall detailing the dates for clandestine meetings with his secret girlfriends,” an Obama aide told Fox News.

Obama plans to use the secret room as a place where he can relax and maybe put his prayer mat down and face Mecca daily.

“Once we clear out Bill’s stuff, the president has asked us to prepare the room as a prayer room. It will be a nice place to pray. The Oval room is too official to pray in. Just last week, Biden walked into the Oval office and Barack had not finished praying yet. It was really awkward I tell you. He has to do it five times a day as well,” the aide revealed.

Mr Clinton was not available for comment yesterday regarding the secret White House lair as he was on a private fishing trip in Miami on a luxury yacht with about thirty hot women wearing nothing more than string bikinis. Mrs Clinton was in the Far East doing some Secretary of State business.