17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldSpaniards to Build Hotels Without Balconies For Brits on Holiday

Spaniards to Build Hotels Without Balconies For Brits on Holiday

MAGALUF - Spain - The British balcony jumping season is sadly nearly over this year but many Brits on their summer hols may be shocked next year because the Spaniards are now building hotels without balconies.

“This is a terrible disappointment. How the hell are we meant to have fun on holiday if we can’t jump from balconies or hang off them whilst being completely pissed out of our heads on cheap booze?” Lee Anderton, 21, from Blackburn told the Sun newspaper.

In Britain, many holidaymakers were angry about the new Spanish directive to ban balconies in all hotels.

“We’ve already booked our holiday in Benidorm and now we’re going to fookin’ lose out, innit. I paid £70 for a three week holiday and I want my bloody money back. What’s the point without fookin’ balconies. It’s tekkin’ all the fun out of it. Cheap booze and balcony jumping, I paid my money, innit? I’ll have to go to Portugal or summat,” Billy Cragger, 27, from Leeds told the Mirror.

This year has been a bumper year for the Brits on holiday with over 89 fatalities from balcony jumping, and 234 Brits paralysed from the neck down.

Carlos Endemol, Minister of Tourism in Andalucia said: “We are trying to cater to the British people who are so drunk all the time that they fall of balconies and jump off them, but the clean up operations are getting too costly for us. Frankly we are fed up of scraping British brains off concrete. This is why the new laws I am implementing within our province will require all hotel chains to remove their balconies and new construction to also adhere to these updated planning rules.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!