Coventry Chinese Restaurant Employs Cat Napper Mary Bale

COVENTRY - England - She may have lost her job as a bank clerk and is now one of the most reviled women in the UK, but at least Mary Bale has one champion who wants to employ her services.

Mr Ziang Hong, owner of the Peking Palace in Sudbury Road, Coventry, has come to the aid of Mary Bale, who is now in hiding at an undisclosed location after being caught stuffing a cat in a dustbin last week.

“Instead of throwing away good food like that in the bins, she can bring the cats to my takeaway restaurant. We need someone like her to get more quality meat. The English never know the difference between the cat meat and chicken plus they’re usually drunk out of their minds when they eat it anyway. We’ve been doing it for years, but she really got my eye, she’s an expert cat napper for sure. I’ll pay her good wages to get us some good meat we sell to the English morons. Once we put my special Kung Pao sauce and bucketloads of MSG, it’s f*cking delicious,” Mr Hong told the Coventry Echo.

In China, cats and dogs are regularly eaten, and are seen as a staple diet for many Chinese people. A popular dish named Dragon, Phoenix, Tiger contains the ingredients of snake, chicken and cat and is supposed to be an especially powerful agent to restore youth and vigour. In the UK, however, it is frowned upon, even though most Chinese restaurants regularly serve up the delicacy from illegally captured household pets. Cats are also a source of cheap meat for the restaurants who like to keep overheads low and profits high.

“It could be pork, it could be chicken, it could be dog or cat. Just eat up your Chow mein and don’t think about that,” Elvis Kimble, 24, out on a Friday night in a Newcastle Chinese restaurant quipped as he tucked into a number 62 with egg fried rice.

  • Steve Clarke

    I have heard variations on this story so many times, and for a venial restaurant owner it would be a possibilty, btu you'd soon run out of cats locally. And I'm not sure that any restaurant has ever been caught doing this. Nevertheless, I have had indian and chinese meals where I really couldn't identify the meat positively as being "chicken", and it does put me off. You don't know who is preparing your food, you do know that they constantly see the worst of people, (I don't drink habitualy, and find drunkards quite off-putting myself) so yes, this is a funny article about a serious problem.

  • Smiler

    Disgusting! Worst than the nazis…animal cruelty…strange race these Chinese folks

  • Beery gastronome

    The glistening MSG is a great lubricant and has saved me from many a sore throat after yacking up my takeaway in a shop doorway on the way home

  • ROB

    This one made me puke i wouldnt put it past some of these chinesetakeaways

  • Tim Szabo

    Whenever I eat a Chinese takeaway I see everything glistening. Thats the Msg they put in it and I have horrible headaches and get all thirsty. Cheap meat is hard to come by these days so they season it with msg. You can make rotting meat taste good with that stuff…

  • John

    I hope this article is a Joke. until I know you are joking I will not visit a chinese reserant.