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Global Recession Finally Over Let the Good Times Roll

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There were mass street celebrations all over the world including cities like Sidney, Vienna, Phnom Penh and even in London.

Millions of people took to the streets to celebrate the end of the recession.

Banks were happy too, and were giving away unsecured loans to anyone without so much as a form being filled in.

“I walked into a branch of Midland bank and they sat me down on a chair and gave me a loan for £10,000 at a dirty low interest rate and a 130% mortgage. They just said, you can pay it back whenever you want,” Larry Jagger, 25, from Hartlepool, England, told the BBC.

Global stock markets jumped up 46% on Tuesday as the news headlines streamed the glorious announcement.

Not only have the banks opened up again, so have the car manufacturers who are doing buy one get one free deals. Both Ford and GM are giving away brand new SUV’s if you buy a mid size luxury car.

Supermarkets were giving away free food to people in the streets and Apple stores were literally shedding ipods in malls all across the Western world.

Credit card companies all over the world immediately started promoting 0% APR credit cards.

Consumers all over the world rejoiced: “We’re out of the recession. I feel like a black cloud has been lifted from the land and I can breathe again. I can spend, spend, spend, again without the old fear creeping around the corner for awhile. I think I just had a multiple cash orgasm all over the shopping mall,” Dana Kurvinski, 23, from Daytona Beach, Florida told CBS.

Wealthy Travellers Don't Want to Travel Back to Ireland

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“These travellers don’t like travelling. In fact, they’re staying right here on someone’s land and refusing to travel. Maybe they should change their names to campers instead of travellers,” a bemused local from the Dale Farm area in Essex told the BBC.

The local council has been trying to persuade the travellers to carry on travelling again after a long stasis on the farm land.

“These travellers don’t pay any form of taxation in England even though they own houses in Limerick, Ireland, and live off our surrounding areas by stealing from the general population. We are trying to make them travel again, like their name suggests. They should travel back to their houses there and pay their f*cking bills for a change, f*cking lying scroungers,” Bridlington Council’s chief told ITV news.

Six hundred of the so-called travellers all own £300,000 homes registered in the village of Rathkeale, County Limerick, in the west of Ireland.

“While they’re in their illegally encamped dwellings in Essex, England, they do not pay council tax, or any form of taxation, electricity or gas, and they rent out their properties in Ireland,” one of the camp’s insiders has revealed.

The encampment is currently guarded by a group of crusties, who are not anarchists as the mainstream media may call them wrongly, but simply disaffected morons looking for a cause to champion. If they only knew how the so-called travellers are amassing huge fortunes with their parasitical revenue growth system and using them to tout in front of salivating BBC news crews.

David Cameron is a Socialist and Will Never Agree to EU Referendum

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The EU is an insideous diabolical oppressive bully, a communistic fascist demonic entity that swallows whole nations and assimilates them into the evil collective of non-individualism.

Every day the EU comes out with some ridiculous directive that it orders its citizens to obey, and one must obey the evil totalitarian collective or they start bringing out nameless, faceless unelected EU officials with fancy names and large unlimited salaries. These bureaucrats will demand something and if not adhered to they start fining people until their will is imposed.

What has happened to Britain under its membership of the EU?

Britain’s rights have slowly been eroded because it signed up to be a trade partner and political partner but thankfully not part of the failed euro currency.

Britain does have a moat but that moat is slowly being filled and the horrible EU gloop that is crossing the drawbridge threatening thousands of years of history to be wiped out in one fell swoop.

Is this what the British people fought for for thousands of years, to be assimilated into the faceless collectivist f*ck hole that is the EU? To be told what to do by the French and Germans? The French let the Germans walk into Paris without one single shot being fired in WW2. They surrendered to the Germans all too willingly and now they have done the same with the EU. The Thousand Year Reich never died, it was simply retired for awhile but now it has been resurrected and is even more sinister than Hitler’s Germany.

At least with Hitler’s Germany you knew where you stood. The Nazis were a much more obvious face of fascism. The EU may be the same thing as Hitler’s Germany but it is a chameleon and it changes its colours very easily, appearance wise there are no guns and cannons out in the open, but underneath the facade, they do have guns, but prefer to fight for now with economic weaponry.

The future for Britain is under review. David Cameron, a supposed Conservative PM, is actually a socialist who is looking for Britain to enter fully into the EU as a major player.

Within Britain, the Scottish are staunch Europhiles, therefore the destruction that Gordon Brown meted out onto England during his reign can be understood better.

“Gordon Brown disarmed England by crippling it economically. He did so because he wants a weak England to be brought into the communistic collective of the EU and swallowed up whole. One must remember that what Brown did to England was a spectacular feat of destruction that no war with guns could have achieved. He completely ruined England’s economy and it may take them thirty or forty years to try and get out of it, but what do we care, we’re Welsh,” Welsh minister, Paul Evans, told the Welsh Assembly on Friday.

The hierarchy of the EU know that they will not be complete until England is forced to join as a triad, Germany, France and Britain. With Britain stripped of its national status and sovereignty, the EU will be very strong and will possibly supercede America’s waining star.

“The ultimate prize for us is Britain being forced to join the EU. We now have sympathisers like Cameron and Clegg so we will move quickly to make them join,” an unnamed EU official told France’s Le Figaro newspaper.

England is no more, Gordon Brown and his evil ogres made sure of that. And even though, there are a few voices within the socialist coalition calling for a referendum, where the people may actually get a say in getting out of the EU deathstar, it is a fait accompli mes amis, the deal was done many years ago. Cameron is not going to save you, he has already made the Mephistophelean deal to hand over the UK and there is nothing anyone or anything can do about it.

Obama: “Y’all Gonna Be Payin’ Tax Soon”

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There’s a reason why Obama is so popular in Europe because he is now employing deep socialistic methods upon the Americans.

Austerity America

“They have for too long been living the life of Riley over there using up all the world’s resources and not giving anything back. Now they have to pay some tax for what they’re using up, it’s payback time, and now those Yanks might find out what it’s like to have 60% of what you earn taken away in taxation like the Europeans. Obama is doing a wonderful job,” a European parliamentarian told the BBC.

The wealthy of America are mainly white and this is why having Obama telling them to pay more tax adds a certain frissons’ to the proceeding tax-ageddon.

This is what your taxpayer dollars are paying for

Obama knows that making the American rich pay taxation will be unpopular but he will tout it as the only way to get out of the current mess the country is in.

Tax revenues in America are already severely restricted because 47% of the country earns too low an income to even pay federal income taxes.

Buffetization

The rich in America pay less tax than lower middle income workers, and Obama seeks to address the severe imbalance.

“It’s payback time for the rich in America. Obama wants these people to pay their fair share, so they should prepare themselves to part with 50-60% of their annual income. Once the new taxation is implemented, then maybe the huge deficit might feel a slight dent, although the way Obama is spending, this is very doubtful,” a key Revenue Service worker told CBS.

Gordon Brown Wants You to Remember Him Every Day of Your Miserable Life

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“Since I was ousted from my job as PM to the British people they have been dealing with my premiership every day of their miserable lives. I want them to keep on remembering that their every woe and every piece of economic trouble is down to my wastage. I spent your taxpayers money like there was no tomorrow, and I want you to remember that, remember my gurning face as my chin wobbles and a bit of spittle drops onto the microphone. As you, the general populace struggle to survive through the joblessness, the severe cuts, the terrible hourly announcements that you are all doomed, and the realisation that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, remember me, Gordon Brown, I caused all of that,” Mr Brown sniggered.

Gordon Brown reminded everyone in the room that it was because of his policies that Britain was in such a terrible economic mess.

“I tripled the national debt of Britain, I took away their pensions, I sold all the gold at the bottom of the market, I destroyed the army, I took away their jobs, I caused record youth unemployment, I ordered millions of immigrants from poor countries into Britain to clog up the already overloaded system, I allowed their banks to fail, I spent like there was no tomorrow, and you can thank me folks, because there really will be no tomorrow for them,” Brown added.

Mr Brown outlined his plan was to destroy Britain’s wealth completely so that they would have no choice but to fall to the mercy of the EU.

Gordon Brown then went on to talk about his heroes Stalin and Mao, and of how he created one of the the largest Stasi Big Brother societies in the world’s history in the UK — the assembled Chinese delegates all clapped furiously.

Chinese Want to Buy British Royal Family

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“We have amassed so much money making cheap electronics and plastic trinkets that we are going to buy the British royal family and ship them off to a theme park somewhere on the outskirts of Shanghai,” the finance minister told state television on Friday.

The Chinese have already purchased Greece, large swathes of debt-ridden America, Italy, Portugal, as well as Ireland and France.

Last year, the Chinese purchased 23 countries in the African continent which they mined of all their natural resources, and are now looking for more countries to ransack.

The Windsor theme park has taken three months to construct and will attract billions of Chinese and foreign sightseers every year.

The British royal family would still be able to carry on being a royal family but will simply be in a different country.

The Chinese have already recreated a fully functioning Buckingham palace as well as a Windsor castle within the 4,000 acre theme park.

“This is a very intricate set up. We also have replicated a number of nightclubs so that Prince Harry will not realise that he is in China. Prince Andrew will of course have the pick of the prostitutes and we even have a surprise for Fergie, we give her expensive shops to go in where she can buy fake luxury goods to her hearts content. We also have a horse box for Camilla, with prenty of hay. It gonna be like heaven for her. Don’t tell Prince Philip he in China though, he might start walking around calling everyone a slitty eyed ch*nk,” Xim Xam Long, director of operations for the Windsor theme park told the Xinhua news service.

The royal theme park will open in time for Chinese New Year, which will be sometime in July.

Why McGinniss Smear Book Will Make People Like Sarah Palin More

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In the tell-tale book written by author Joe McGinniss, Palin is portrayed as a cocaine sniffing basketball player loving adulturess, but the book which was written to thwart the wonderful Sarah Palin could very well backfire its insideous plan and cause an increase to her popularity ten-fold.

“After hearing about Sarah snorting lines of coke off an oil drum, I just slapped my forehead and said ‘She’s got my vote’. I mean she’s so exciting compared to all the other boring candidates. What have they ever done? Palin excites me, she is so sexy, I want to go on hunting trips with her coked up to the eyeballs, shoot some moose or meese, then we can rip off our clothes in the freezing cold tundra and f*ck like animals. That’s what living is about. I feel alive. When she becomes president, you know she’s going to change things because she ain’t some dumbass Democrat with a corncob stuck up their ass like Obamo, that limp dick couldn’t get laid in a whorehouse, that’s the kind of person who could f*ck up a cup of coffee. When Palin walks into a room, hell I stand to attention, in more ways than one, if you know what I mean. She’ll be coming round the mountain with the artillery, the air force and bucketloads of napalm to get things back to how they used to be in America,” Jed Wezbuck, an ex-Democrat voter from Arkansas said at a recent fundraising rally in Wisconsin.

All across America, the revelations and allegations about Sarah Palin’s past life have actually invigorated the sentiment towards her presidency.

From the East coast to the West, to the Midwest voters are shouting for the Rock’n’Roll Hockey Mom, and if there was an election held tomorrow, Palin would win by a landslide.

“We love the rock’n’roll star Sarah Palin. She ain’t boring like all the other Republicans or Democrats. we want someone human like her. She’s got the whole town’s vote and then some,” Bud Kowzinski, 45, a carpenter from Hicksville, in Montana told CBS news.

Even amongst the usually reluctant non-Republican voting black population, Mrs Palin is now a huge hit.

“Usually we don’t vote for people like Sarah Palin, but this time she gots us our vote, dang. Bitch likes black meat, hell that’s what I like to see, hmm, hmm. White women know where it’s at. We’s gonna vote up for her fo’ sho after that,” Buddy Johnson, 56, a janitor from Mississippi told a local radio station.

Rumsfeld Cancels Subscription to New York Times But Still Subscribes to Torture Times

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“I will not be reading the New York Times anymore because the views expressed in that rag go against my principles of mass torture and genocide,” Mr Rumsfeld said to a salivating Fox news presenter.

Instead of looking at different points of view from numerous people, Mr Rumsfeld said that he would carry on subscribing to the weekly publication, the Torture Times, published in Austria by Fritzl publishing.

“Under our orders, over a million sand people in Iraq were killed. Now I don’t know where Mr Krugman got off in saying the things he said about how 911 was hijacked by our administration to commit shameful acts of destruction and cowardice on a bunch of unarmed Iraqis so that we could get a foothold in the Middle East and take their oil. Don’t be talkin’ trash. We went there to liberate Iraqis from life, after they invaded us on 911. We gave them justice and they got what they deserved for living in their own country,” Mr Rumsfeld added.

After a round of applause and cheering from the studio crowd in the Fox studios, Mr Rumsfeld, then bowed and said: “What we did after 911 was a known unknown known, and what we did not do, was an unknown known known, so if you multiply the knowns by the unknowns, then divide them up by the unknown knowns, what do you get? Shieet, I don’t know? Let’s just do some more extraordinary renditions, waterboarding and torture more of those goddamn sub-human Arabs.”

World Police Forces in New Threat As Officers Dance Uncontrollably

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“We have seen police forces reduced to nothing but moving masses on the streets unable to conduct proper policing activities against criminals because they are too busy getting down to the funky music. We need to halt this terrible craze or criminals will simply get the wrong message. They’re meant to fear the police, not laugh at them,” Chief Detective Inspector, Dennis Gredham, of the Metropolitan Police told the BBC.

Officers across London have reported irresistible urges to dance whilst on duty.

“I was just about to go back to the station to do some more paperwork when I got the desire to dance. I couldn’t help myself, I was gyrating my hips and waving my hat around with absolutely no control over myself. I am ashamed to say that I did not complete anymore paperwork or wasting time in the cafeteria that day,” PC. James Matlock, recalled.

The problem is so widespread that American police forces are on immediate dance standby in case any of their officers decide to start grooving on the beat.

Speaking from Atlanta, Georgia, Officer John Asshoe, told WKZDFR news: “We got an executive order in case any officers start busting out some intense dancing moves on the street. They can’t help themselves, and I have to say, I had to dance yesterday during a jay walk situation, the guy got away but after I finished dancing I shot him up three blocks away. I was just lucky that time, I know of worse situations where the bad guys really did get away.”

NASA Pictures Show Astronauts Had Portaloo on the Moon

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“The astronauts needed to go to the crapper on the moon, so they had a portaloo put in a crater. Obviously they couldn’t take the portaloo back so they left it there and it’s still got astronaut poop in it to this day,” Peter Van Allen, a NASA historian, told NASA Weekly magazine.

Famous astronaut, Buzz Aldrin, recalled his toilet moment on the moon: “I had just got off the LRV (Lunar Roving Vehicle) when I noticed I had to take a shit. It was those goddamn burritos I had eaten before we landed, so I rushed to the portapotty, wacked down my suit and deposited a piece of history on the moon’s surface. It was one giant sweetcorn encrusted steaming log for moonkind right there.”

The stunning photos of the moon’s surface were taken with NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO).

The $583m (£364m) LRO project is producing a detailed 3D map of the Moon and has been edited heavily with photoshop in preparation for any future questions about the moon landings.

“You just have to take our word for it that those are pictures of footprints and portacabins on the moon’s surface. We have the technology now to digitally recreate that stuff, and there’s no way anyone else can verify what we say or present to you,” Al Hertyu, chief project manager for NASA told CNN on Friday.