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Iraq Jihad Wonderland Theme Park Opens This Week

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The theme park concept was created by American company, Pentagon Entertainment Inc. and will feature many attractions for visitors.

“When you fly into Baghdad, the fun starts right there. Your plane can either be hijacked or the wings shot up. You will be greeted by black acrid smoke from burning oil wells and scenes reminiscent of the apocalypse. Horror fans will witness all manner of atrocities, and if you have VIP tickets you can even be part of the action too,” Brad Zweisher, operations director of the Iraq Jihad theme park told CNN.

The Iraq Jihad Wonderland theme park stretches thousands of miles even into neighbouring Syria so theme park revellers will not be pushed for choice of entertainment.

Budd Neuberger, 45, a salesman from Detroit bought one of the first tickets last week and is keen to go to Iraq for a once in a lifetime trip.

“I can’t wait. As soon as we land we’re in the theme park. I’m ready for a ride of a lifetime. I’m not sure what the man said when he mentioned that it was a one way trip, but as long as I have fun, who cares? I got my blind fold ready.”

The first plane load of 350 American theme park enthusiasts leaves on Tuesday and will be accompanied by theme park designers, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Tony Blair and Donald Rumsfeld on the historic first one way trip.

America Under Attack — From Its Own President?

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One thing American voters probably never figured out when they first voted for Barack Hussein Obama was that they themselves would eventually be the target of constant attacks, but let’s face it, you only had to look at the hypnotised faces of the Obama supporters in the crowds to see that those people were not actually in charge of their own minds, let alone their ability to make coherent voting decisions.

Naturally the Daily Squib was always in the know about such things, and the warnings kept coming and coming, but who reads this newspaper? Certainly not some hypnotised low-information American brainwashed zombie.

For America’s enemies, and there are many of those, Obama has been a true blessing, he has done more damage internally than any terror cell could ever wish for. His total disdain for America has been all encompassing, and as the country daily veers towards the precipice, Obama is seen grinning from his parapet, still adored by legions of brainwashed followers who would gladly follow his orders to jump off a cliff without batting an eyelid. Obama’s demagogue status, can be easily compared to Adolf Hitler’s and this is why he was put in power by those who want to fracture the nation and guide it to complete destruction. The American experiment was over a long time ago, and Obama was the final cherry on the cake, okay, a glazed cherry laced with arsenic and snake venom.

As the tuberculosis ridden Mexicans stream over the open borders, this message alone should be enough for the people, but still they do not get it.

Obama may very well be America’s last president, because his executive actions denote a nation that has paid the piper, and as the last ebbing throes of a very sick, fractured nation pulse through the controlled news networks, there will eventually be an explosion when the fooled people finally wake up.

But that is what the fatherless Obama wanted all along, he wanted a reaction, and whatever indignity he foisted on the American brainwashed pulp mass, he did not get anything. Sure, they’re prepared, they have the bullets, and the stockpiles, they have the FEMA camps ready with stacks of plastic coffins. They just need you to make the first move, so they can be justified in their reaction.

The enlightened few, are exactly that. They are not many, but they control with efficient technique the slave taxpayer, and as the debt goes over a threshold there is no turning back for America. Even if all Americans were to give every single cent from their pay checks to the government for the next fifty years, the interest payments for the debt would not be dented.

How Obama will laugh, as he is escorted into his bunker, his family following behind, and he will even play golf down there, sipping his patented Kool Aid whilst protected from what is going on above.

However long it takes, they will eventually emerge from their luxurious stasis, and build their Elysium over the bones and plastic bags of a previous civilisation that was not needed any more.

Obama is laughing at you right now, he always was laughing, you just didn’t know it, until it was too late.

Scots Demand Independence From Watching England Play Football

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Scottish football fans have demanded independence from the indignity of watching England play football on the World Cup stage when they could do a little better, the fans claim.

“I’s nae ‘at we dornt enjoy watchin’ th’ Englain scunners lose aw th’ time, but it’s th’ thooght ‘at if uir team hud qualified we coods hae dain a loat better than them glaikit bampots,” a Scottish fan said in the Uruguay crowd.

Scottish Nationalist leader, Alex Salmond has backed up the Scottish football fan concerns by vowing to increase funding for national teams if the country wins independence in September.

Britons Awaiting Interest Rate Rises With Eager Anticipation

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With credit cards stuffed up to the hilt; people mortgaged up to the eyeballs and salary growth at a minus percentage, Britons are eagerly waiting for interest rates to rise to 3% soon.

“I’m eager to see interest rate rises, because I have seven maxed out credit cards, a large mortgage and my job position has not seen a pay rise in five years. Almost overnight I will have to find an extra £3,800 per month, and will no doubt be seeing the bailiffs soon after. It’s that economic recovery innit?” Bill Noughty, a salesman from Essex told the Mirror.

Because of the amazing ‘economic recovery’ that only a few people in the UK saw, interest rate rises will ensure carnage in most homes which are already pushed beyond the limits of their finances.

Britain has one of the highest levels of consumer debt per capita in Europe and the recent property initiative called Help to Buy has ensured an artificial property boom keeps progressing to its unholy end.

“I have been borrowing and borrowing for the last few years on low interest rates. Banks and credit card companies were literally throwing money at me. When the interest rates suddenly rise I will not be able to pay anything back, but that’s okay, because I don’t have anything anyway and have spent it all. It’s good for the economy,” an unemployed man from Birmingham revealed.

England Fans Embracing Italian Culture by Eating Pizza

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“Eh paisan, it just like mama cook, eh? I’ma gonna eata dis pizza every day to support Italia,” an England fan said grabbing his crotch and stuffing a few slices of pizza into his mouth.

The next Italy match is crucial to England’s World Cup survival therefore the plan is to be as Italian as possible and support the Italians at every point.

“I’m going to my local Italian restaurant every day until the matches start and learning to talk the lingo. Just had a big bowl of spag bol and started wearing a stylish suit,” England football fan, Jimmy Cutter, told the Sun.

Looks like it’s out with the egg and chips and in with the pasta alla Balotelli.

Why Doesn’t Tony Blair Send His Sons to Iraq Asks Soldier?

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An Iraq veteran asked a very important question to Tony Blair today after the ex PM revealed he wants Britain to send troops to Iraq again.

“Why don’t you send your sons and daughter to Iraq?” former tank Commander, Captain Mark Braithwaith, who served with the British armoured tank division, and lost both his legs, told the Army Times.

Tony Blair and other politicians were strangely quiet about that particular question.

Experts: Isis Could be Used to Defeat Iran

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“The heavily financed and organised Isis brigades sweeping through Syria and Iraq are a perfect cover to establish the defeat of arch enemy Iran. Drawing the enemy out of their defensive hole by utilising a force you yourself overtly oppose yet covertly support is a perfect tool for creating conflict. This way, you need not put your troops in direct danger and can defeat or severely weaken your enemy.

“The Americans utilised Saddam Hussein to destabilise Iran during the Iraq-Iran war 1980-88. Now similar operations are being conducted on Iraq and Syria, eventually moving into Iran.

“The short term plan was to establish a Shia led government in Iraq aligned with Iran after the 2003 invasion, this in turn would create resentment by the Sunni populations.

“By utilising these techniques America can finally mop up afterwards. Any groups utilised for America’s gain are easily expendable, as was shown with Saddam Hussein, and Osama bin Laden, who were initially funded and trained by America during the late seventies and eighties. Once these stooges complete their tasks they are erased.

“The United States is currently wrestling a $60 trillion deficit, and urgency is needed to create further military opportunities for financial benefit.

“Urgent matters including disruption of oil supplies are also pressing factors, as the U.S. uses 85% of the world’s oil resources it cannot risk any stoppage for the sake of its faltering economy.

“Listen to Tony Blair when he says he wants military action, because what he says is part of the overall plan, it is just that he is jumping the gun a little with his unauthorised blabbing.

“President Obama, may have not been the brains in engineering any initial plans, but he is key to its operation. This is why he can calmly play golf, without a shred of stress about the position in the Gulf today.

“Everything is under control, do not worry about anything. That is unless you are one of the entities who has been marked for deletion by America.”

Obama Immigration Amnesty Seen in Movie Intro

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Obama is flooding the U.S. borders with anyone who wants to come to the U.S.A including drug cartel members, gangs and assorted criminals.

Film fans have noticed a similarity with Obama’s immigration amnesty and a film from the eighties.

According to news reports, 35,000 people are crossing the U.S. border unhindered monthly, which equates to 420,000 people per annum, and these are just the documented arrivals. Over a five year period, 2,100,000 people will have crossed into the United States, coupled with breeding and births, the numbers are set to increase by 65% annually.

All of these people, mainly from central and south America, will consume large amounts of resources, benefits, food stamps and housing…but they will vote Democrat so that’s okay.

Phil Neville to Get Personality Implant Says BBC

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The monotone dronings of a footballer with no personality or vocal inflection can be conducive to sleep, but are not appropriate during a world cup football match especially when England are losing the match, says BBC spokesman, Bert Needles.

Phil Neville has thus agreed as part of his contract to undergo a pioneering brain implant operation in America funded by the BBC.

“Last week we had Hollywood ‘actor’ Kevin Costner in here, he has a personality of a brick, or plank of wood. The transformation was amazing, he can actually show emotion now. I heard this Neville guy’s voice whilst evaluating the case and I fell asleep after two minutes, he’s gonna be a hard one to deal with,” professor Raj Persaud, told BBC executives who are very worried about the situation.

The process will involve inserting specialist chips into the pre-frontal cortex which will in turn stimulate regions of the brain that enable personality.

Neville will have to undergo further training where he will watch football commentators from hot blooded nations like Spain, Italy and South American countries.

Ghost of Football Past: Germany Will Win World Cup

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There’s something about the Germans and their team that predicts a World Cup win.

“Hi, I’m the friendly ghost from football past. I just know that Germany will win the World Cup, that’s because I exist in all time and space therefore your future is like my yesterday. I also know this because of the German goal keeper and the efficient structure of the team. Kloser and Gotze, Muller and Neuer. It’s probably going to be a 1-0 match. Call me crazy, but this is what I see through my magic crystal football. As for England, well, it’s a good thing they have the plane’s engines still running on the tarmac.”

The ghost of football past then wistfully glides through the air disappearing back into the ether.

Well, here’s another obvious prediction, the sky will still be blue tomorrow and the pope will still be Catholic.