EU: Greece Must Endure Austerity For 30 Years

ATHENS - Greece - The winds waft an ominous stench from the hills and mountains of Northern Europe onto the tiny backwater Aegean nation struggling under the weight of debt and profligacy.

“It is imperative that Greece stays with the austerity course for the next 30-40 years if it wants to stay in the EU. This means selling more olive oil and Greek yoghurt. If there is anything else you guys can sell or do, please do it because you need some serious cash to pay your EU debtors,” Jurgen Scheissegruber, EU Austerity Kontrol technician told Das Zweiten today.

Greek Cyprus Style Bail-in

The next tranche of austerity may begin in a few weeks time and will involve a Cyprus type bank raid by the EU on Greek deposit holders.

“It is quite simple, if we cannot have our money back by installing one of our technicians to run your country, and you install someone who is against austerity, we will simply get the money from your bank accounts. You know, like how we did in Cyprus with your Greek Cypriot cousins. Any deposit in a Greek bank over 8,000 euros will be confiscated. You kids gotta learn the hard way, then let it be so. Next time don’t be so lazy and spend those EU subsidies on luxuries you cannot afford. Look at you now, stop begging, get off my shoe you schweinhund,” a visiting EU technocrat told a Greek delegation.