17.7 C
London
Monday, April 6, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 547

Obama and Holder NYPD Shooting: Finally We Got a Result

0

 

After months of  anti-White rhetoric by Obama and Holder, the U.S. has finally got a result with the execution of two NYPD cops.

President Obama couldn’t control a giggle when ‘condemning’ the cold blooded assassination of  two NYPD officers by a member of a black Marxist left wing group.

“Me and Eric we’ve been egging African Americans on for months now. Finally we got a result last night when one of our protégés decided to act on our words, and we got an NYPD shooting. I’m here in my Hawaii jacuzzi, sipping a drink, enjoying the sun streaming down, and I’m thinking to myself, it’s a beautiful Christmas feeling I’m getting right now. What’s really making me giggle though is you guys are paying for my umpteenth Hawaii trip, I don’t even know how much this thang cost the taxpayer, maybe $45 million, who knows? Anyway, I’ll be here for the next four weeks, have fun over there, especially in NYC,” the president, giggling like a deranged hyena, told MSNBC.

Tony Blair Refuses to Answer Questions Could be Waterboarded Says Home Office

0

 

A visibly sweating Tony Blair has emphatically denied that he has any knowledge of torture practised by the UK and US during the War of Terror.

Tony Blair Refuses

“I have no idea what you are talking about and refuse flat out to even answer any questions regarding the subject of torture or Rupert Murdoch’s former wife. I do not even know that woman and have never met her even once while Rupert was away on a business trip,” the former prime minister told a tribunal hearing.

Home Office secretary, Theresa May has ordered Tony Blair to be waterboarded until his memory comes back.

“Well, well, well, if he won’t admit it under normal conditions, maybe if we jog his memory a little. How about a bit of waterboarding or some electric shock treatment on his testicles? I have ordered Mr. Blair be detained in a secret location where he will be tortured until he admits the heinous things he has been up to.”

Russell Brand: Merry Christmas From Mayfair Film Partnership

2

Russell Brand and his banking chums are having a glorious Christmas thanks to being able to claim tax relief by offsetting the money they invested in the company shares against their income tax.

“Thanks to Russell Brand I’ve made some serious wonga. Better in my pocket than let’s say a nurse or some disabled loser on benefits,” a former RBS banker who invested in Brand’s film project railing against bankers told the Telegraph.

Former comedian, Russell Brand is now a revolutionary freedom fighter, fighting for er…ah, never mind, he’s too busy counting his dosh, off shore, on shore don’t matter. Old Russ is coining it with a little help of course from his banker friends.

Experts: Putin Could Be New Face of NWO

2

 

Dwight Lemelaker, chief researcher for the Global Hegemony think tank based in Washington D.C. revealed some insights into the current geopolitical debacle blighting the world at the moment.

“Consider the point that Putin and successive Russian leaders post-Perestroika were playing the globalisation game with the West, however, we all know that even at the highest summits of power, there is a highly honed sense of competition for the ultimate prize. Russia was cooperative with new world leaders up to a point, but then something clicked. Maybe it was a ‘Eh, we don’t actually need these guys anyway’ moment.

“Earth’s resources are finite, the population grows daily as limited resources dwindle. It is inevitable that there will be conflict over the remaining earth’s resources. With the massive increase in population growth, the human stock loses value, it is purely an oversupply issue. Globalisation in the West, is very much under way, however Russia and China have resisted on many tangents and variables, especially the influx of millions of outsiders into their borders. If one is to study Britain today, it is completely unrecognisable population wise to what it was twenty years ago. President Obama is now increasing globalist efforts in the United States and will bring millions more people from poor South American nations.

“Which faction will gain the NWO prize, or will there be a mutually assured destruction moment? To achieve results, it is always necessary to have push and pull factors, this way the overseers can construct carefully geared plans over the top of the theatrics. Distraction is key to rearranging chess pieces on the board, look at WW2, and how the global mass was rearranged and the United Nations/NATO were created.

“Time is running out and stops for no one, as sure as the climate changes, so the population of the planet grows and grows and grows, and the elites have no qualms about ramming a six inch blade into the back of another elite. There is no honour amongst those who want the ultimate prize for their people alone. Globalisation, especially in the West has been a great weapon in fracturing nations through vast influxes of people from elsewhere. This technique creates uncertainty, chaos, anger and fear, it destabilises indigenous populations. Russia and China resisted these techniques, and this is why they are being punished right now.

“The Russian black swan reaches for the skies, and this time, 2015 will be the final curtain for the house of cards denoting the Western banks. All Russia has to do is say it will not pay its debt to Western banks, citing a weak ruble. How about stopping all gas flow to NATO nations? A multi-tiered financial defence plan could reduce Western nations to mere cinders in a matter of days.

“Vladimir Putin most probably knows the plan, and even though Russia is being punished economically for not following the NWO, he knows that the world could be ruled completely by Russia one day, if he plays his cards right, the spoils could be all his. With a weak West, slow on movement, lazy and liberal, the time is now for Russia to move. Obama has shown how weak he is militarily and geopolitically, this is why Putin must act decisively with haste, and no mercy before the 2016 US elections and someone with actual balls becomes president.”

Cheney Caught Torturing Waiter During Lunch Restaurant Visit

0

 

“Dick ordered the veal and baby potatoes, then this vicious look came over his face. He took out this leather bag, and dipped into it to get one of his tools, I think it was a thumb screw,” one of Cheney’s guests at the restaurant recalled to CNN.

Cheney then proceeded to torture the head waiter behind the profiterole display, and diners enjoying their meals looked on with fright.

“What you gonna do, go up to the former vice president of the United States and tell him not to do that stuff? My wife and I just carried on eating even though the man’s groans were getting louder and louder. After Cheney finished, he got back to his chair, straightened out his shirt, smiled and put a load of food in his mouth,” Ed Bernstein, a retired proctologist told Fox5 news.

Turns out Dick Cheney and his party of eight got a free meal that day.

ISIS Now Rounding Up Middle Eastern Satirists

0

 

“We had four satirists in our village. ISIS came in the morning, told them that satire is haram and took them away. Now we don’t have any satire in our village, it’s quite a relief actually,” goat shepherd, Mahmoud Ibn Gazi told the Daily Akhbar news service.

ISIS spokesman Abdul Al-Bagdaddy has vowed to clean Arab lands of satire.

“Last night I had a vision of a heavily made up Chris Morris wearing a burkini talking jessop jessop jessop and imitating a wet flannel draped over a farting camel’s hump, I immediately got up from bed and started beating my slave monkey with a rubber ducky, three curling tongs, a sardine and an old bottle of Brut. That’s when I  started praying for 46 virgins to save me from haram, two minutes later, Jihadi John walks in wearing a little pink hat asking me if I used up all his grapes. This satire lark is getting out of hand, it’s making us do stuff we’ve never done before, innit.”

 

Employment Experts: Why Muslims Are Now Unemployable in West

0

“We certainly would not acknowledge the practice, but employing someone with a name that is not Anglo Saxon or European and is Islamic in nature is a serious no, no. We just don’t want the hassle, not only do we hate Muslims but we fear them. What if they suddenly turn during employment, they are bombs waiting to go off at any second. Thanks to the actions of a few Islamic fundamentalists, all Muslims in the West are now tainted as potential terrorists. It does not matter how much they try to integrate, they’re still Muslims, you get fair skinned Muslims too, they’re even more dangerous to us because it just confuses us even more,” an employer who wished to remain anonymous revealed.

There are still some areas of London where Muslims like to flaunt their religion by wearing burqas and their assorted garments advertising their staunch belief system, however they are the brave ones, who have no hope of employment, are spat at on a daily basis and are hated with vehemence.

What is the solution to this ongoing problem? There is naturally a preponderance to follow the politically correct route, where there are smiles up front but not behind the scenes, it is a certainty that when at home or amongst trusted colleagues, the hatred for Muslims rages.

Religion is obviously the great divider of humans, and the only viable solution would be to eviscerate the different factions and unite the remaining human race under one banner, this could only be achieved after a massive culling.

“Deeply religious people are blind to other opinions, they are blind to different strands of thought, to literature, to factual scientific knowledge. The Jesus nut is just as bad as a the Islamic nut, because they cannot see beyond their blinkers, they have been programmed from an early age, they are immoveable. Which form of programming is the most efficient, Islamic or Christian? This is the one hundred million dollar question, where the Christian kills clinically utilising high technology from thousands of feet above, the Islamic kills from below brutally with a rusty blade. They both still murder and maim, but one is removed from the mess, and the other is so dedicated to their cause they can taken an old kitchen knife and do the dirty deed from anywhere. I would therefore say, the level of programming by the Islamic faction is infinitely more dangerous, because the Christians have to utilise high end expensive technology to kill, not every man or woman has access to that, whereas the Islamic person is capable of killing in any situation for their religion. Their programming from birth is infinitely more powerful than the rather loose Christian ideology, which allows more freedom of exploration of thought. The Islamic side, in this era, is more rigid and controlled, and any wavering of thought/speech/actions is punished with death,” an observer of religion told no one in particular.

You won’t find any comedians or entertainers joking about Islam in any way for a very good reason, as John Cleese mentioned recently. One can be jocular about Christianity but when it comes to Islam, there are no jokes..just death sentences. You certainly don’t want that if you’re on stage trying to make people laugh. The loss of humour, intellectuality and reasoning are the by-products of fundamentalism, where innovation, science and literature are thwarted, subdued and snuffed out like a candle in the darkest of nights.

And thus, we have the final curtain, where separation is an inevitable conclusion. For many there was never really a mixing anyway, but the untold story of division.

Breaking News: Queen’s Corgis Recovered After Kidnap Attempt

1

 

CCTV footage published on Monday revealed an Asian couple may have been responsible for the outrageous theft of the Queen’s beloved canine companions.

Palace consort, Reginald Pithy, gave details of the frantic search that ensued after the royal corgis went missing.

“The palace’s dedicated dog feeder had already set out the food for each corgi. Pumpy enjoys only the freshest Almas caviar presented on wafer thin crackers, Tibber on the other hand goes for something less ostentatious and usually opts for the foie gras with a confit d’oignons et champagne, as for for Fayed, he just gets a boiled egg and a kick up the rump. Anyway, to cut a long story short, we couldn’t find the blasted animals anywhere. Called in the Coldstream guards, they searched the whole palace from top to bottom, absolutely nothing. Her Royal Highness let out a god awful scream when we told her.”

Luckily there was a tip off later on in the day at a Central London cafe and the matter was resolved. Her Majesty even attended the scene herself. The police are still searching for the corginappers and ask the public to be vigilant.

 

 

Breaking News: David Mellor Run Over by 14 Taxis

0

 

The terrible accident occurred in Central London’s, Leicester Square, and Police are trying to piece together what happened.

“We are gathering eyewitness testimonies from numerous tourists who can’t speak English so this is obviously going to take a long time. There may have been additional cab drivers involved in the mishap and we are appealing for them to get in touch with the Metropolitan police. Our understanding is that after each taxi cab ran over Mr David Mellor, they accidentally reversed over him as well,” Inspector Todd Plebb, told the BBC.

Investigations are currently ongoing and if anyone has any further information about the incident don’t bother calling the Metropolitan police, they’ve got better things to do.

OPEC Chief Seen Guzzling Oil From Barrel

0

 

Witnesses say the OPEC chief acted like a mad man as he dipped  into the barrel and scooped up vast amounts of raw crude oil drinking it in a dazed frenzy.

“Abdul, he needs his oil fix every day, but it’s getting worse, there’s so much of the stuff he can’t get enough. He went from one barrel to the next, the oil was dripping everywhere, even over his $30,000 alligator skin shoes. I saw the look on his face, it was crazy, and he was saying things like ‘this one’s for Russia, this one’s for America, and this scoop is for the Iranians, doomed, doomed, d-o-o-o-m-ed, eheheheh!’ I’ve seen some insane things in my life but this really took the biscuit,” an eyewitness at an oil refinery told local news stations.

Next stop $30 per barrel so more goodies for Abdul.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH