You and your children will be called up to serve the EU headed by Germany in a newly created army, Jean Claude Juncker, EU president is calling for.

“It’s a good thing no one reads the Daily Squib, otherwise they might be informed from their accurate almost psychic predictions of future events,” an EU official said in Brussels.

The demonisation of Russia will possibly be the last step for the EU because militarily, no one has yet conquered the Russians throughout history.

“Napoleon and Hitler both tried unsuccessfully to defeat Russia and failed leading to their downfall. Germany and France are now united under the flag of the European Union with other subsidiary nations. They will try once again to defeat the Russian bear, first to coerce him out of his cave, then to throw everything they have at him. Through Sorosian elements, Ukraine was the stick that poked the sleeping bear in his cave. Now it is time for your children to join the EU army, or as we like to call it — the Fourth Reich,” Kommandent Gruber Meinhoff, military strategist for the Waffen EU regiment told Bild on Monday.

In the United Kingdom, Prime Minister, David Cameron was strangely sanguine about the EU plans for an EU army finally being revealed.

“Your children will be called up to fight for the EU. This means the Referendum will be used to bring Britain into a situation which is now very serious and we cannot jeopardise any future military conflict by denying our leaders in Brussels what they ultimately want — Russia. Especially how under my auspices I have reduced British defence armed forces to a basic shell.”

The EU has successfully disguised its true self by constructing the Fourth Reich backwards.

Military analysts however warn that a conflict that begins on the ground with conventional warfare could easily escalate into nuclear if one faction seems to be getting the upper hand.

“Nuclear would only occur at the last moment because all parties would not want to irradiate the planet and block out the sun for tens of years with a nuclear winter. This is why it would be important to take Russian silos before launch codes are activated. There are a myriad of scenarios to any ground conflict, as we are already in an economic and cyber war with Russia, if they take more Baltic states, and move towards Poland, Finland and Sweden, the EU army would be mobilised. It is therefore imperative that there is no time lost in recruiting every man and woman who resides in the EU for military training. We will also have to deal with the Chinese at a later date, and Israel will be given the task of dealing with Iran. The United States will this time fight with the EU.

“The Tsar Bomba was the largest nuclear detonation ever witnessed and although it had a yield of just over 50 megatons, there was a possibility of it yielding 100 megatons. Dropped on any major European city the Tsar Bomba would easily annihilate the whole metropolitan area in one go.”