17.7 C
London
Saturday, July 11, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 507

Diplomats: Trump Too Easily Goaded Does Not Fare Well For Presidency

Tommy Malth
-
1
Diplomats: Trump Too Easily Goaded Does Not Fare Well For Presidency

“Do we really want a Commander in Chief who can be so easily riled, to be played by seasoned chess master strategists and politicians? Certainly not, should be the answer. A good politician never reveals his true intentions, and here is Trump babbling like a kid in a candy store before getting thrown out on his ear. Trump is dangerous, not only for America but globally, and is a liability. Here is a man who does not know diplomacy or any form of etiquette, imagine him going up to some world leader and talking? Either he would be laughed out of the room, or they would declare war on him,” a mild mannered yet erudite Capitol Hill insider revealed yesterday after the South Carolina CBS delegate debate.

Running rings around someone as ignorant about world affairs as Trump would not be hard, however, this may not end well for millions of Americans if he ever becomes President.

WW3 Update: Syrian Ground War Begins

Tommy Malth
-
0
WW3 Update: Syrian Ground War Begins

As mentioned by the Daily Squib in 2013, there is a red line that tips the geopolitical world into global war, and this line is firmly being crossed at the moment by Turkey and Saudi Arabia with ground troops entering Syria.

The Russians and their Syrian, Iranian allies claim Syria despite the myriad of hands firmly in the pot.

The United States has been cautious to enter directly into the Syrian battlefield but have been utilising proxies to do their dirty work, however, with the entrance of Turkey into the hornet’s nest, the Russian bear will no doubt want a piece of Turkey, if only for payback for the downing of one of their jet fighters.

Saudi Arabia will not allow the corridor for supplies to be cut off from Turkey which is a lifeline for militants fighting Assad, and this is why the moves happening now could be construed as a desperate attempt to keep the lines open even if it means a risky ground war.

We could be seeing a direct escalation between Saudi, Turkish forces under the auspices of NATO, against Russian, Syrian, Iranian forces.

As for the Kurds, the sworn enemy of Turks, who want to portion off part of the Turkish nation for themselves, they may pay a heavy price for their meddling and receive a firm beating, especially as they are labelled as terrorists by the Turkish government.

Greek Farmers Told to Pay Tax

Tommy Malth
-
1

There’s nothing worse for a Greek farmer, who gets massive EU subsidies to plough empty fields, and drives a top of the range Mercedes to be told that he has to now pay tax.

With a country who spent 650 Billion euros in EU loans in less than six years and only having a population of only 11 million people, taxation is never a happy business with the overly emotional Greek populace.

“The EU gave us a 400 Billion bailout last year but we need another one this year too. How am I going to fund my summer houses in Crete and Lake Geneva, and I never paid tax in my life?” a furious beet farmer, Nicos Calaminitos from Keleftekos, a village 45 kms from Athens told Greek radio station, AKS.

Certainly, the mood is strained, the IMF’s Legarde wants assurances first before unloading more billions into the Greek black hole, however how is one to deal with the Greek aversion to paying tax?

Dimitrios Kolokalotiris, a shepherd from Thessaloniki may have the answer: “We get the money, the Germans pay tax for us. This is the only way. Now, excuse me, I have to ride to tend my flock in my Porsche.”

EU: Summer’s Coming and So Are 25 Million Refugees

Tommy Malth
-
1

Ahh, you can relax now, summer’s here and you’ve got your feet dangling in the warm azure waters, sipping what seems to be an endless cocktail, and the sun beams down on you with a big wholesome smile.

As the Turks open the borders, the Aegean will be a flood of boats, all coming to permanently visit the illustrious shores of Europe, an estimated 25 million refugees will make the crossing this summer alone, the warm weather, an auspicious less perilous journey, all raring to go to the promised land.

Since the Russians have been carpet bombing large swathes of Syria killing civilians indiscriminately, the wave of human misery has not stopped, and will only get worse as Putin, Assad’s henchman, continues his dirty work.

As for Chancellor Merkel, she is too pre-occupied with her vanity project, the EU, which as sure as night and day is now at the cusp of implosion, especially when Greece is going to ask for another 400 Billion euro bailout.

Book your holiday now while you still have the chance.

 

Twitter Invites Soviet Speech Police to Control Discussion

Tommy Malth
-
0
Twitter Invites Soviet Speech Police to Control Discussion

 

The Orwellian nightmare where thoughtcrime can be punished by physical arrest is upon us much sooner than was thought possible.

“I would have thought the Soviet techniques would have been rolled out in 2050 but we’re still in 2016 and that’s a big move in my humble opinion. Twitter is now controlled completely by one single Soviet point of view, there are no alternative views allowed, and if you even try to discuss something you are erased immediately,” a man of reason and logic wrote, before being blocked, his account erased and the necessary authorities notified.

Cultural Marxism

It is interesting to note that so-called liberals in America who are meant to be ‘free thinking progressives’ are actually authoritarian Marxists who shut down any form of discussion and label it ‘hate speech’ or ‘dissent’. These Marxist politically correct denizens of inequity and misappropriation are an affront to intelligence, because freedom of speech is a prerequisite element of any normal functioning society, especially one that aspires to embrace intellectual thought-provoking discussion. If you shut off the voice of people you may disagree with, you ensure only a one sided skewed message is broadcast within your totalitarian sand box.

More than 40 organizations and ‘experts’ from 13 regions, who are all either militant leftists, socialists, and Marxists are joining as inaugural members of Twitter’s freshly-created ‘Trust and Safety Council’ synonymous with George Orwell’s ‘Thought Police’ in his novel, 1984.

The list of members included The Anti-Defamation League; EU Kids Online, and Feminist Frequency.

Looking at Twitter’s spectacular fall in the stock market below its original IPO level, there is a certainty that this erroneous anti-free speech move by Twitter will see even more severe declines in their already plummeting stock as millions abscond from the site every month.

By only embracing a one-sided deconstructive voice of militant socialism, Marxism and feminism, Twitter is now alienating large groups of people who will have to look elsewhere to exercise their right to free speech. Twitter will thus be only a tool to disseminate left-wing propaganda within a totalitarian Marxist environment of political correctness.

EMERGENCY: Zika Already Spread Globally Australia, China, USA, UK

Tommy Malth
-
0
EMERGENCY: Zika Already Spread Globally Australia, China, USA, UK

Because planes are flying globally, the Zika virus is now reaching parts of the world and spreading fast. Air travel is a serious threat to global populations contracting Zika, a virus with an incubation period of two to seven days.

There may not even be symptoms of infection and millions of people could soon be carrying the Zika virus unaware of their deadly cargo.

Some cases have been discovered in Australia, a pregnant woman has contracted the Zika virus. In America there have been reports of Zika infection, and also in China. Four cases of Zika have been found in the UK. These are the infections that are discovered, as Zika is a covert virus, it can spread far and wide without knowledge from the authorities.

It is therefore advisable that pregnant women who contract the Zika virus receive immediate abortions, and that the populace within infected areas desist from any sexual activity with a partner, and do not receive blood transfusions.

Zika is transmitted through mosquito bites, bodily fluid transmission like blood, semen, saliva.

As long as there is air travel on a mass scale globally, there will be no end to the Zika infection rate.

AIR FLIGHT STATISTICS

In 2013 there were 99,726 flights per day. There are 49,871 routes being served globally. Some are served many times a day, others only once every two weeks or even just a few times a year. Annually there are approximately 37.4 million flights globally serving 2.97 billion passengers. Source ATAG

EU Referendum: Selling Britain Off On the Cheap is Good Says EU

Tommy Malth
-
0
EU Referendum: Selling Britain Off On the Cheap is Good Says EU

David Cameron is a good little doggy, she begs and comes as soon as her masters call her.

“We feed her little morsels of scrap here and there, and if she is a bad little doggy we put Cameron in the dog house,” an unelected EU representative told Euronews.

But whilst begging, Cameron did a little doo doo on the British flag, that was rather naughty, wasn’t it?

“Au contraire mes amis, nous welcome such antics by les rosbifs, we positivement encourage such actions. C’est un tre,tre, formidable thing to do!” an excited Frenchie told the BBC.

Frau Merkel, one of Cameron’s trainers was rather circumspect about the little doggy.

“If Cameron ka ka’s on my Bavarian carpet I shall have the little mutt shot!” she said gruffly whilst kicking the yelping little dog with an almighty boot.

cameron-dog-begging-happy-eu-masters-sitting-up-paws-up-happy-expression-640a

New Trumpshire! The People Voted

Tommy Malth
-
1
New Trumpshire! The People Voted

Congratulations are in order for Donald Trump after taking New Hampshire. The people have voted and are now going to rename the state, New Trumpshire.

“Our boy won this time. He pumped more money into this thing after Iowa, and it finally paid off. It’s the spill the cash trick. Pay off enough people and they’ll vote for you hook line and sinker,” an excited Trump supporter said from his new Porsche.

Trump may not be a politician but he’s a businessman and knows how to get results, especially when you spend with such gusto.

This is Not Feminism, This is the Violent Feminazi Revolution

Tommy Malth
-
17
This is Not Feminism, This is the Violent Feminazi Revolution

Did you ask for a compliment? Charlotte Proudman would be proud. We are feminazis and we want all men to simply die. What’s worse than complimenting a woman? How about not complimenting her and just leaving her alone? This is not about respect but about hatred for all men and our own selves.

Maybe life is too complicated sometimes, and through the looking glass only micro dots of information can be established at any juncture, so what is it to be punk? A compliment, or deathly silence? We are not feminism, we are feminazis.

Why Global Economic Depression Must Not Be Feared Instead Embraced

Tommy Malth
-
0
Why Global Economic Depression Must Not Be Feared Instead Embraced

“If you’re a surfer, you line up, tap into that deep water swell, set the pace and when you see that special A-frame you know you have to enter into the backdoor sweetly, gently, along the face and ride that mother carving along the roots of that barrel until you’re through. The same principle applies to economics, to go against the flow is to invite worse misfortune, especially when there’s a tsunami of debt coming over the crest.  Economic depression is good. When waves hit, they create destruction, but that same destructive energy is re-energised to produce even more waves. Destruction is good because it produces change and for this process you must be prepared to watch the others who are unprepared to fall, to be caught inside and crash under the surf, rolled around like a tumble dryer then unceremoniously spat out or drowned.

“The economy is like an ocean, it’s as deep as it is shallow, an unpredictable mass of energy fuelled by fear and greed, a chaos pit that moves in waves, with currents that can drag millions of fish into the belly of the beast in one fell swoop.

“The derivatives, the debts, the lies, the bonuses, the soothsayers, the chancellors, all think they have a firm hold of the rudder, and yet their ship can be crushed in a second without thought, without remorse, compassion or any form of emotion.

“You may think the quants all clunking away buy, sell, buy, sell, milliseconds, have an edge but when market moves are precipices, swells, 200 foot barrels, they will be caught out with even more vigour as the banks go silent, liquidity is a dry ocean floor filled with foam where the starfish and crabs are exposed to the air as the next wave comes down hard shattering all in its path.

“We must welcome the economic depression and embrace its sheer magnitude, its powerful equalising light, the all seeing eye of truth that melts all falsities and lies in its path. Drink wine now friends, for tomorrow you shall be drinking water from a puddle of mud, and you shall quench your thirst on it with the same relish from which you drank the Domaine de la Romanee Conti Romanée Conti 1967. You are alive.”

 

 

1...506507508...823Page 507 of 823
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH