17.7 C
London
Monday, April 13, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 461

$57 Million Debt Kanye Fashion Show Goes Well

0

 

“I like watching cripples amble along dragging their feet whilst wearing rags you can easily find in Ethiopia. Jeez, if I want poverty I’ll go to India or Sudan, or some other godforsaken third world dung hole,” fashion critic, Monique Belucci told CNN.

Kanye West who is currently in huge amounts of financial debt is trying to pay off some of his creditors by selling rags to rich people, but is it working?

No, is the simple answer. The overpriced rags and bland clothes are not only ugly but can be knocked up by anyone by ripping a few pieces of cloth and wildly stitching them together.

West has now had to fall back on his glamorous porn star wife who is footing his crazy bills, as he loses money like a gushing waterfall.

“One has to look at the economics of this all. West is obviously not a business man. Here is a guy trying to recoup some money and pay off his vast debts by holding expensive fashion shows that put him in more debt. It just does not make any logical sense. I suppose with someone who has a registered IQ of 45, this is normal,” West’s belaboured accountant, who has not been paid for six months, revealed.

When asked for a comment on Thursday, Kanye grimaced, turned and sashayed flamboyantly back to his chair mumbling about cross stitching and hem lines.

Think Tank: Britain and EU Now Run by Barren Women

0

 

Scotland is being run by the childless Nicola Sturgeon, while down south we have the childless Theresa May, and in the EU, the barren childless Angela Merkel.

These barren women are the rulers of Britain and Europe, and maybe they wish to make their domains as barren as their wombs.

Who is to say that Theresa May, she who delays Brexit for as long as possible, and she who backtracks at every possible turn will never conduct a Brexit as prescribed by the general population of the United Kingdom?

On the one hand we have the despotic Scottish Sturgeon, a monstrous midget infused with her own self importance and aspirations of power daily threatening to commit some injustice on voters who voted to get out of the EU, on the other hand we have May, who would not look out of character on a broomstick with a pointy hat, a ghostly figure with wishy washy policies and ghost-like promises of Brexit that disappear into the cold dark night.

There is nothing on the whole wrong with being a barren woman, however the vitriol and stink that can be meted out by some of these women should no doubt be noted, especially when they are in power.

barren landscape

They have something to prove, they are angry childless, they hit out, they may be vindictive, even malicious in their anger at being childless. They will never know what it is like to have some little one tottering around the room or the playground. They will never know the joys and character building tribulations of being a parent. This makes them fume with rage at their diseased wombs, their childless, loveless existence projected onto the general populace as an angry apparition.

Indeed, some may say these barren women ruling over us is dangerous, and it could even be stipulated that the world is entering a terrible phase of childless women in charge. Look at Merkel, a childless woman, and of course one cannot leave out Hillary Clinton, who managed to have one child, but in a marriage of convenience, how good is that anyway?

The point being, Europe is now ruled by ruthless childless barren women. We must therefore prepare for war in the future, because it is this barren nature towards life that creates an atmosphere of anti-fertility, anti-family, anti-nature precipitating in conflict, war and eventually a barren landscape of death.

War is coming folks, and the barren angry women shall make it so.

Merkel’s Role Was Solely to Bring Forth Right Wing

0

 

 

Speaking from the shadows, an operative of the Hidden Hand agency revealed how the Chancellor is a simple pawn in a much bigger game.

“We needed a rebirth of the German right. How better to do this than to bring in millions of Islamic refugees from the Middle East. The Chancellor was fooled into thinking she is doing a righteous job, but her role and the role of the refugees is one of being a conduit and aid to the right wing, of which is rising in Germany once again. All rises in fascism need a scapegoat, something to rally the people. In America we had 911, in Germany we had first the Jews, and now the Islamics. Merkel has been a gift to the right wing, and she is the gift that keeps giving.”

With news that attacks against refugees and sympathisers has risen by 60% this year alone, as more people come into Germany daily, the attacks will continue until there is an apex in violence.

Within the small German towns, tensions are extremely high. Here are small communities, entrenched, and the backlash has immense force to counteract forced integration with people the Germans are never going to accept. This fuel on the fire is rising daily, until the flames will be uncontrollable.

“Merkel, as a pawn, has been exemplary, and the funny thing is she does not realise it. Thank you. You have given birth to the new fascism,” the operative added.

In 1928, the Nazis had only 12 seats in the Reichstag; by July 1932 they had 230 seats and were the largest party.

History is repeating itself once again, and no one can be thanked more than Angela Merkel.

Burning Man Hypocrisy Burns

0

 

That is why the vandalising of the White Ocean VIP section of the Burning Man event should be commended and encouraged to the full.

Started by the untalented insipid banal auspices of Paul Oakenfold, a putrid music thief and DJ, it is truly delightful that the parasitical detritus have had their day.

“Oakenfold is a talentless console button pusher, a lowly worm of a human if you can call him that. This guy is not only a parasite within the music biz, but a parasite as a human, if one were to compare him to a turd, it would be a compliment,” one reveller quipped as he cut some wires to the DJs console.

The devout homosexual Oakenfold, likes his little boys, but it is bending over for the likes of criminal Russian billionaires to get his sordid projects going that really irks.

Let us hope next year Burning Man puts the likes of Oakenfold and his chums on the bonfire, now that would be entertainment. His screaming would be better than any ‘music’ he claims to make or steals.

Keith Vaz in Uphill Gardening Accident

1

 

 

The much beleaguered politician is certainly no stranger to incidents in his faulty career, but this one has poked a rather large hole in the furrow, or should we say crater.

Poppers

“Mr Vaz was caught with two young men uphill gardening. Much like the first early potatoes, Vaz was grafting with all his might with the two boys, pinching out a few tender perennials and planting his tuber in the mulch. In other words, he was caught fucking a few rent boys,” a member of the parliamentary commission revealed on Sunday.

Not that such a thing is a strange occurrence in parliament, but when the tabloids get a hold of this amount of manure, it really is game over, especially if you’re putting the charge onto expenses.

Now we know why Keith Vaz was so eager to meet those young Romanian men at the airport.

As for the Labour party, a mess is a mess, so there’s no change there then.

Escort Me to My Limo: How Vegania Hooked Her Drump

0

 

The shady New York underworld has always been a secret lair of mafia and vice, and it is no surprise that the likes of Donald Drump and his lovely Eastern European model wife initially met in this seedy den where clandestine deals are conducted. Money talks, and a rich man like Drump was eventually hooked, hook line and sinker.

What would it be like to have a president who has a wife with a shady past? Certainly her nude pictures posted all over the internet attest to her openness. Maybe she will titillate the secret servicemen in the mornings with a flash or three of her abundant charms. Who is to say she will not have orgies in the Oval room while her fat rich husband is in China on official presidential business.

The life of a first lady can be excruciatingly boring while the president gallivants across the globe in Air Force One. No doubt the secret service agent will first be wary of her advances, but the first lady will be desperate, making it impossible for him to resist. Her obese husband has a tiny penis and has never been able to satisfy her desires. She spies the secret service men standing around all day and her womanly desires are sated to the full.

The culture in the White House can be excruciating especially when your whole life is under the microscope. Hell, it’s bad enough during the primaries, but once you’re in there it gets worse.

She may hark back to the good old days where she was paid to flaunt her body for magazines and photo shoots, and who knows what she did on the side? That is the big question but a woman with such talent in pleasing men has to do something for money, and being in New York city in the 1990s, scrabbling for a work permit, homeless, desperation kicks in. For women, it is easy, only too easy to profit from their natural charms, and this is what Vegania must have certainly done before she hit the jackpot in Drump.

Money can buy you anything, and pussy can make money. The female body is a money making machine, cha ching, but she does not have to do that stuff any more. Sure, Vegania has to share her bed with a flatulating obese vulgar pustule like Donald Drump, every hour she stays with him she counts, every second, every minute, because she knows when her pay day finally comes, she will be rewarded for her hard work. Like many women, it’s a waiting game. They stay with these rich schmucks for as long as they can stand it until they push the lawyer trigger and get their delightful reward.

As Drump’s weight presses Vegania down into the pillow at night, she dreams of better pastures. Maybe a sliver of spittle slowly strings its way onto her face, the Don is eager tonight his breath smelling of rotten garbage from a thousand dump trucks, he flickers his lizard tongue with eagerness knowing full well that he’s paying this woman by the hour just to be in his presence.

Some would say that marriage is a form of prostitution, and for many it is. Divorce lawyers do not see any distinction between the married woman and the prostitute. They both charge by the hour, the difference being, one charges before service, the other, after.

Burkini Ban Going Well in South of France

0

 

“We will not tolerate any show of religious zealotry or dress. The burkini is anti-French because it shows a dedication to a religion. Remember, it’s one rule for one religion, but another for another. Look at our nuns,” Gaston Dumerrier, Mayor of a small town in the South of France told Le Monde.

The ruling came after more than 30 French towns banned the Islamic burkini, a swimsuit which covers the whole body except for the face, hands and feet and is worn mostly by Muslim women.

Officials have said the ban on the outfit was a response to growing concerns about radical Islamic terrorism.

Last month, a truck rampage killed more than 80 people in Nice, and attackers stabbed an 86-year-old priest in northern France. The thousands killed in the Middle East and Syria by the French is of course completely permissible.

But human rights activists argue that burkini bans are illegal and that efforts to outlaw the garment are Islamophobic.

Online Casino Games: Put a Few Pokies On the Barbie

Just think you put a few dollars in and the web casino stacks some of their cash onto your account. You couldn’t make this stuff up. Sure, you can then just take your money back out later with the bonus, or you can keep on playing. The bet is that you will keep playing because it’s irresistible not to do so. It’s bonus time with Royal Vegas online casino all the time, like 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

The sheer beauty of online gaming with the pokies is you can do it in your pyjamas or even bare naked, in other words, there are no James Bond tuxedos required.

Sure, it would be nice to have the luck of Bond when it comes to the casino, especially when the obligatory Bond girl curls by your side as you win another load of chips, but we all know Hollywood is far removed from reality.

You can still win though, just need to doubledown, slap those coins on the table and let lady luck do the rest. Maybe a strategy is best, don’t bet it all on one game huh.

The rich never got richer by never taking risks. Risk is a part of daily living, but if you want to go that extra mile you have to slap lady luck in the face with a few dollars and bet big.

Win Sum Dim Sum

Sitting around in your bedsit with a few tinnies, a microwave meal and soiled sheets won’t cut it, but switch on the internet and join Royal Vegas Australia online pokies for a chance to get rich. Not only will these guys give you bonuses for each deposit, giving you a helping hand up, but you will have a chance to win big, we’re talking big jackpots that can materialise out of the blue like a great white shark in the Great Barrier Reef chomping on a surf board.

If you’re going to be serious about online pokies, or any game for that matter, you’re going to have to have a strategy and a bankroll. We’re talking a separate pot where you keep your wins and don’t use it for every day stuff like groceries. The best players always keep a separate stash just for games, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly this can grow.

Once you’re established, you’re winning more games, you can even enter online tournaments where the big money is put in the pot. This is the easiest way to make some serious cash, but you have to be disciplined, buy some books on strategy; the best advice is to learn from experience, because there’s no better teacher than when you have your money on the line.

Cash games are great, in and out you’re not tied in like a tournament, read the flops, but you don’t want to be show boating or a loose cannon, you need to be a grinder, slow and steady, churning out the wins like a hooker in a mining town.

Playing casino games online is about mastering ones own emotions as much as strategy, but the beauty of online is, no one can hear you whooping, jumping on the sofa, or cussing like a sailor.

Somewhere deep in the Aussie outback is a shack with a little old guy in it making some serious cash on the online pokies, so why’s he still staying in a shack? He loves it out there, and besides he’s saving up for a mansion.

There is a way forward folks, and it’s on the Royal Vegas Australia online pokies, put in a deposit, get your bonus and away you go.

 

Streisand to Get Nose Job if Trump Wins

 

She made the comments during an interview with Sydney-based journalist Michael Gusher during an Australian news program broadcast on Sunday.

“He has no facts. I don’t know, I can’t believe it,” Streisand said, referring to Trump. “I’m considering getting a nose job to show my disgust.”

A “thrilled” Hillary Clinton supporter, Streisand has spent the last few weeks campaigning for her preferred candidate.

“I’m spending an evening sniffing around with Hillary in New York City next week, and I would love to meet you there. I hear she smells like fish. I don’t want to smell that bubkes Trump though, he smells like shit, bull shit to be precise, a real zhlub,” Streisand stated in an email sent out to Clinton campaign supporters Sunday. “I’m ready to do whatever it takes to help Hillary including whack Trump with my huge fucking nose.”

Plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills are already queuing up to shave off some of that mass of cartilage Streisand calls a nose.

Dr. Schwartz Openheimer, head surgeon at the famous Openheimer Cosmetic Surgery Clinic, revealed: “It’s the best Jewish nose we have in the biz. That thing sucks up yarmulkes by the dozen. But for the right gelt, I’ll straighten that honker out, make it look like a real straight streamlined goy nose.”

“I love my Jew shnoz. It is sacrosanct. That means it is sacred. If Trump wins I might even get a normal nose. How tragic that would be,” Streisand emphasized before sneezing into five large tissues.

The singer has even taken her campaign work to late night television. In a recent appearance with The Tonight Show’s Jimmy Ballon, Streisand blew a large green bogey across the studio straight into the mouth of an audience member who as it turned out later was a Trump supporter.

In claiming that she’ll get plastic surgery if the Republican candidate is elected in November, she joins the likes of Laimo Dunham and Chelsea Fondler and others who eagerly use their celebrity as a tool to push a left wing socialist political agenda.

Apple Welcome in UK NOT in EU

0

 

The EU Commission’s ruling that the Apple computer company is liable for an £11 Billion tax bill is another sign that the European Union is blind to decent economic practice and is desperately scrabbling around in the dark.

EU competition commissioner, the devoutly socialist, Margrethe Vestager said Ireland should recoup €13bn plus interest in unpaid taxes due between 2003 and 2014 after illegal aid stretching back 25 years.

It is to this end that Britain should invite Apple to do business within the United Kingdom and we should become a safe haven to the economic madness of the EU.

If the UK plays its cards right and makes Britain an attractive viable alternative to the EU, we will thrive even more, and the EU will be left with egg on their face with their anti-business policies.

The uncompetitive nature of the EU stifles business and innovation. Its trade deals are protectionist rackets that stifle true international global business.

Under a Conservative government, large companies like Google, Apple and Amazon should be feted to do business in the UK and not unjustly punished by the unelected eurocrats as the EU is planning.

The EU has shot itself in the foot once again by seeking to punish Apple and this action will seal their doom further.

 

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH