STI Dating app Hinder, which has 75 million users, has been going from strength to strength, spreading sexually transmitted infections to millions of users globally. One 23-year-old man has publicly praised Hinder for giving him Super Gonorrhoea and suppurating genital warts as large as walnuts.
The TikTok star even showed off his walnut sized genital warts before milking them of green puss into a bucket, explaining his gruelling daily regimen.
“Thanks to Hinder, I now carry this shit around like luggage. There’s no known cure, so I have to sit here every day for three hours milking my bulging genital wart walnuts. I also have acquired HIV and Herpes from using the dating app. I’m proud of my condition, and I still rarely use a condom,” J.R Hartley, 23, a milkman from Leeds, told his 35,000 TikTok fans.
Last year, over 45,000 Hinder app users died from their conditions, but such is the efficacy of these dating apps for population control that Bill Gates himself praised the app.
“I love these dating apps because they spread disease and viruses very fast, and most of the stuff is incurable. Most STIs are immune to antibiotics these days. It’s a great tool for population control, and we want more of these people to be as promiscuous as possible. Eventually, and hopefully many will expire, and it’s all down to their lifestyle dictated by these apps.”
Hinder’s CEO, Tuborg Urethra, praised his app for reducing the population.
“These idiots are so base that they pay me large amounts of their own money to effectively hinder and lower their life expectancy. Last year’s revenue alone nearly reached 40 billion dollars, and we hope to have another bumper year. Thank you fuckers, by the way, keep spreading that shit around, it’s a win-win situation for us.”