Mrs Palin has plans to win the 2012 presidential elections.

Alaska has released 24,199 printed pages of e-mails covering Mrs Palin’s first 21 months as governor – from 2006 until she accepted the vice-presidential nomination.

The release of the emails give an insight into the hard-working intelligent woman who is set to be the first ever female U.S. president.

Email excerpts

– From Palin to CERN scientist, Edward Monk on Aug 2, 2008.

“Monky, after our lengthy telephone conversation on Tuesday, I have to disagree with your initial theorem. Contrary to the initial findings, the volumes make a displacement of spacetime that exerts pressure on their surface. A “mass effect” appears, i.e. an effect having all characteristics of mass. The mass component [M] can be extracted from the spacetime pressure on the surface of the particle [M/LT²] by simple mathematical operations that I am sure even Bristol could do. Only closed volumes deform spacetime, and since “spacetime curvature ≡ mass” (*), only closed volumes get mass, are subject to a pressure that produces a “mass effect.”

– From Palin to press aide on Sep 15, 2008 on being told reporters were asking about her views on evolution.

“Arghhhh! Those Bible nuts who think the earth is 6,000 years old are onto me again. Speaking about evolution, we all know that an individual organism’s phenotype results from both its genotype and the influence from the environment it has lived in. A substantial part of the variation in phenotypes in a population is caused by the differences between their genotypes. The modern evolutionary synthesis defines evolution as the change over time in this genetic variation. The frequency of one particular allele will become more or less prevalent relative to other forms of that gene. Variation disappears when a new allele reaches the point of fixation — when it either disappears from the population or replaces the ancestral allele entirely. I hope all these idiot bible bashers realise that evolution is purely biological and that the bible was written by men on pieces of f*cking paper and not God.”

– From Geographical Society professor, Julian Mannion to Palin, Sep 11, 2008.

“Thank you ever so much for your new discovery yesterday. We have indeed found new settlement sites in Tchibanga, Gabon. We will integrate your tireless geographical work into our current research papers.”

– From Palin to aide Jimmy McManamon, Sept 15, 2008, about a super computer she had installed in her residence.

“The old one was only running at 30 teraflops, after much work on the cluster, we have successfully increased it to 75 teraflops. Yes, we paid for it ourselves…”

“It’s like Namibia here. We’re now importing camels into the deserted dusty fields, the sun beats down on our heads all day long as we search for water. I’ve heard there is an oasis three days walk from here. We’re going to set off tomorrow morning, but we’re down to our last canteen of water,” Rupert Monkfrith, an ex-swimming instructor from Norwich told the East Anglia Gazette.

All across East Anglia from Norfolk to Cambridge, sand dunes have now formed over the once green pastures.

“As a former farmer I’m learning to adapt. I now herd goats and use camels to traverse the great desert. We pitch our tents when we find some water and a bit of grass, then we move on to the next bit. I’m even considering changing my name to Zayed bin Sultan Al Ajman,” Giles Billingswinkle, told the BBC.

With the UK being soaked in heavy handed taxation that is effectively stifling and killing off all business, enterprise and employment, Mr Osborne has revealed his Plan B.

“I will have a lovely drink in my hand, the sea will be lapping around my feet as I relax and enjoy the sun on some tropical island far away from the baying crowds of suffering British taxpayers. That’s my Plan B and you’d better accept it,” Mr Osborne told a commons briefing yesterday.

Mr. Osborne plans to jet off on his Plan B some time next week, because he thinks that is when the effects of his Plan A will really kick in.

“My initial plan was to tax Britons so much that everything ground to a halt. Fuel tax is now 93% of the cost of petrol, income tax, VAT, council tax, bolstered with huge increases in food costs have made your lives a living hell. Don’t forget that I also want to increase interest rates soon so that your overflowing credit card bills and mortgages should soar into the stratosphere. That is when I will be doing my Plan B. Have fun fuckers. I’m sure you’ll all keep your stiff upper lips and eat it all up as usual. Oh, and don’t forget to pay £9,000 per annum for your university fees as well,” a jovial Osborne smirked before being driven off in his chauffeur driven Jag.