George Osborne's Plan B

TROPICAL ISLAND - The Caribbean - The Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne's octopus grip over the UK's economy tightened yesterday after he received confirmation of his taxing practices from the IMF.

With the UK being soaked in heavy handed taxation that is effectively stifling and killing off all business, enterprise and employment, Mr Osborne has revealed his Plan B.

“I will have a lovely drink in my hand, the sea will be lapping around my feet as I relax and enjoy the sun on some tropical island far away from the baying crowds of suffering British taxpayers. That’s my Plan B and you’d better accept it,” Mr Osborne told a commons briefing yesterday.

Mr. Osborne plans to jet off on his Plan B some time next week, because he thinks that is when the effects of his Plan A will really kick in.

“My initial plan was to tax Britons so much that everything ground to a halt. Fuel tax is now 93% of the cost of petrol, income tax, VAT, council tax, bolstered with huge increases in food costs have made your lives a living hell. Don’t forget that I also want to increase interest rates soon so that your overflowing credit card bills and mortgages should soar into the stratosphere. That is when I will be doing my Plan B. Have fun fuckers. I’m sure you’ll all keep your stiff upper lips and eat it all up as usual. Oh, and don’t forget to pay £9,000 per annum for your university fees as well,” a jovial Osborne smirked before being driven off in his chauffeur driven Jag.