17.7 C
London
Friday, June 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldU.S. Flash Mob Robbery Trend Set to Cross Atlantic

U.S. Flash Mob Robbery Trend Set to Cross Atlantic

FLORIDA - USA - A new trend sweeping America is now set to cross the Atlantic to Britain, crime analysts have revealed.

Flash mob robberies, also dubbed as ‘flash robs’ are so frequent in America now that no one even bats an eyelid when they happen.

A flash mob robbery occurs when a group of teenagers bundle into a shop or business, then clean the shelves of goods and promptly walk out. Because of the numbers of people involved, there is nothing anyone can do unless they want to get severely injured or killed.

Nothing’s shocking

“The fear is that if it takes off in the UK, no one is allowed guns to protect themselves. If they’re scared to use firearms in America against the flash robbery mobs, what do you think will happen over here? What are you going to do, go up to the mob and ask them nicely to put the beer cans down? You must be kidding mate. Plus the unarmed British police won’t bother turning up either, they’re actually more scared than the public when it comes to flash mob robberies,” a worried shopkeeper from Shepherds Bush, West London told the BBC.

Crime experts think that flash mob robberies can take off in the UK mainly because of the severe disenchantment of the youth, especially in deprived areas of the country (99% of the UK) where hopelessness and despair are rife.

Britain’s lax laws will also ensure that if in the very unlikely event that any flash mob robbers are ever caught, they would receive the lightest sentence possible, if any punishment at all.

“What about that ‘big society’ Cameron’s banging on about? I tell you what, the only big thing he’s going to get is a big f*cking surprise when he looks on the telly and sees all the chavs, hoodies and gangster scallies mobbing the shops. Now that’s what I call a big society,” recently made redundant policeman, Gerald Belter, told the Sun newspaper.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

11 COMMENTS

  1. In every US state I am familiar with, a person cannot use deadly force to protect property…only if he can show that his life or that of another is in imminent danger. So, its just stand back and let them take what they want. Plus with unemployment, economic collapse and local law enforcement budget cuts police response times will be either very long or nonexistent. Welcome to the world of Mad Max.

  2. "especially in deprived areas of the country (99% of the UK) where hopelessness and despair are rife."

    Lost credibility right there. 99% of the country is rife with despair and hopelessness?

    Yep, seems like legit reporting to me.

    Easy way to stop this – have automatic doors that lock in an emergency, and staff areas that cannot be accessed by the public.

  3. This isn't "civil disobedience". It is stealing, theft, robbery, larceny – pick the CRIMINAL term you like best. Looks like these "kids" were never taught that it's wrong to steal, were never taught to respect others, were never taught the value of working to earn what you want.

  4. All those kids don't even get to eat or buy stuff they want. Why shouldn't they help themselves from these stores. Who is to say they don't deserve a little something from these rich busines raking in money all the time.

    Keep on it dudes…ROCK ON!!!!!! PARTY TIME!!!!

  5. You can't prosecute people when they do this because it is so random. Surveillance vids don't work either. If everyone did these robberies, the police would not be able to catch anyone. Brilliant piece of civil disobediance which can easily bring the whole system to its knees. Those black kids are actually pretty clever. kudos.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »