U.S. Flash Mob Robbery Trend Set to Cross Atlantic

FLORIDA - USA - A new trend sweeping America is now set to cross the Atlantic to Britain, crime analysts have revealed.

Flash mob robberies, also dubbed as ‘flash robs’ are so frequent in America now that no one even bats an eyelid when they happen.

A flash mob robbery occurs when a group of teenagers bundle into a shop or business, then clean the shelves of goods and promptly walk out. Because of the numbers of people involved, there is nothing anyone can do unless they want to get severely injured or killed.

Nothing’s shocking

“The fear is that if it takes off in the UK, no one is allowed guns to protect themselves. If they’re scared to use firearms in America against the flash robbery mobs, what do you think will happen over here? What are you going to do, go up to the mob and ask them nicely to put the beer cans down? You must be kidding mate. Plus the unarmed British police won’t bother turning up either, they’re actually more scared than the public when it comes to flash mob robberies,” a worried shopkeeper from Shepherds Bush, West London told the BBC.

Flash mob robberies are now a common occurrence in the U.S.

Crime experts think that flash mob robberies can take off in the UK mainly because of the severe disenchantment of the youth, especially in deprived areas of the country (99% of the UK) where hopelessness and despair are rife.

Britain’s lax laws will also ensure that if in the very unlikely event that any flash mob robbers are ever caught, they would receive the lightest sentence possible if any punishment at all.

“What about that ‘big society’ Cameron’s banging on about? I tell you what, the only big thing he’s going to get is a big f*cking surprise when he looks on the telly and sees all the chavs, hoodies and gangster scallies mobbing the shops. Now that’s what I call a big society,” recently made redundant policeman, Gerald Belter, told the Sun newspaper.