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Cameron’s Stasi Officers Closing Down Free Speech Once and For All in UK

Juan Joder
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1
Cameron’s Stasi Officers Closing Down Free Speech Once and For All in UK

The unjust order of Leveson is set to bring in the draconian Stasi laws that will stop all free speech in the UK whether it is printed or on the web.

“These draconian laws are the final nail in the coffin for any form of freedom in the UK and a precursor for more nasty stuff to come. East Germany, Stalin’s Russia and the Chinese Politburo cannot come close to what Cameron is doing to Britain’s democracy. He makes Gordon Brown look like a girl scout in taking away people’s freedoms and rights. They will shut down anything with any form of argument or different position to their Stalinist Soviet Zionagenda,” a Westminster insider revealed today.

Not only is everything tracked and logged in the UK but press freedom will soon be shut down as well as free speech.

Let’s all thank the celebrity stooges like Hugh Grant and Steve Coogan who were wheeled out to push for the killing off of free speech, but most of all you can thank Rupert Murdoch who without his efforts in tarnishing journalism would not have achieved this curb on freedom of speech.

“First they created the problem, then they created the outcry, and now the solution. The Hegelian Dialectic has been very effective in shutting down press freedom and freedom of speech,” an unnamed source from somewhere revealed Tuesday before being arrested and taken away to be silenced forever.

Satan to Play Obama in New White House Mini-series

Juan Joder
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1
Satan to Play Obama in New White House Mini-series

“The Obama character was played by Lucifer himself who manifested for a few days during filming and he was actually a very jovial and witty chap. Nothing like that boring Jesus guy,” series producer, Evangelina Evangelical told CBS entertainment news.

The plot for the History Channel mini-series revolves around a president who comes out of nowhere and causes destruction and chaos on a scale never before seen, especially for right wing white Christian Americans.

“This is a true story of a guy who is put in the White House to carry out some pretty devilish actions. We casted Satan to play the Obama character, and he signed the contract jokingly telling us it’s usually the other way round. The only drawback was the smell of sulphur on set. That Lucifer dude sure does stink to high heaven, plus he burned our sofa to a crisp,” Espicabar Muscovitch, another series producer revealed to Entertainment Today magazine.

The mini-series has become a huge ratings hit and audience numbers are continually rising with each episode bringing a much needed boost to the History Channel.

EU Bank Grab Coming to UK Soon?

Juan Joder
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0
EU Bank Grab Coming to UK Soon?

Let us not beat around the bank balance here. David Cameron is a pro-EU lackey and so is Nick Clegg. The good cop bad cop routine is wearing thin now. The intention is to bring the UK into the eurozone sooner than later and when that happens you may have to say goodbye to ownership of property and huge cash grabs on your bank accounts. Do you want that? Are you pro-EU now? The Labour party is staunchly pro-EU because they are socialists and this means wealth is redistributed from the wealthy to the poor. What choice do Britons have in the coming sham 2015 elections? Vote for one pro-EU entity or vote for another pro-EU entity.

The EU is a neo-communofascist entity, modelled on the Fasci sticks and deep Marxist principles. How can a neo-communofascist entity exist, isn’t it an anomaly to even suggest two opposing political ideologies could be fused together as one? Well the EU is that very entity and the 10% cash tax on all bank accounts in Cyprus is proof that its intentions are not honourable or just.

“As I have said earlier, Scotland’s revenge on the English will be their joining the catastrophic entity of the eurozone. This will thus split the UK, as the Celts in Southern Ireland have embraced the euro as well. England and Northern Ireland will be isolated economically and politically. Eventually they will be forced to join the eurozone and finally be absorbed into the amalgamated soup of EU soviet conquest. With leaders like Cameron and Clegg, or Ed Miliband, what hope does Britain have on holding out against the terroristic euro-reich might of the eurozone? You will be assimilated just like the Borg, you cannot resist, there is nothing anyone can do now as the UK is part of the EU and the politicians have made it nigh on impossible to escape. UKIP is ineffectual and do not have the means to fight a system that has already accepted defeat,” a Westminster insider revealed Sunday.

EU Redistribution of 10% Wealth in Southern Cyprus Necessary Says Brussels

Juan Joder
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5
EU Redistribution of 10% Wealth in Southern Cyprus Necessary Says Brussels

“The EU is a tool for redistribution of wealth and negation of sovereignty. When we took away your sovereignty with you Greek Cypriots signing the EU charter years ago, all your rights, and your wealth, are now completely the property of the EU. Read the small print. We will be doing this to the rest of the EU countries soon. You will not be able to take your money out of the banks as we will shut down those as well,” an unnamed, unelected technocrat from Brussels told the Greek Cyprus radio network last night.

Rudolpho Hess, an ECB banking official said from Frankfurt yesterday: “The EU budget this year has been a heavy burden on the economy of the eurozone. We need to increase expense accounts for MEPs, technocrats and bankers in the EU; luxury hotels, foreign holidays with first class flights, gourmet meals every day and of course the steady supply of Fräuleins to keep our bratwursts up. So, you see our Cypriot friends, you chose to sign on the dotted line with your greedy eyes on those EU subsidies and this is what you get for your squandering profligate lazy ways. Enjoy yourselves, believe me, I am surely enjoying myself at your expense. Don’t forget, you can still give Greece 10 points in the Eurovision Song Contest.”

As of Monday, there will be a 10% compulsory EU tax on all southern Cyprus bank accounts.

Socialist Tory Party to Join With Socialist Labour Party and Lib Dem Socialists

Juan Joder
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0
Socialist Tory Party to Join With Socialist Labour Party and Lib Dem Socialists

“On the voter slip will be one single box to tick and this will simplify the process of voting for everyone in the UK,” an election organiser said yesterday.

Plans are already under way for the simplified election which will see one single socialist party win the vote.

“We live in a socialist system anyway so it does not matter which party comes into power. It is all socialised health care, socialised welfare and socialised state schools run by a socialist council system and socialist Whitehall state control system,” a Westminster insider revealed.

Obamas Want to Take State Funded Space Vacation

Juan Joder
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0
Obamas Want to Take State Funded Space Vacation

“We take over 45 vacations every year each costing multi-millions of dollars  all paid for by hard working American taxpayers, so I want y’all to work harder because Michelle has asked me to gibs her a space vacation with all her peeps too,” president Barack Hussein Obama told reporters in the White House’s Rose garden on Saturday.

The brief sojourn into space will cost over $850 million but is considered pocket change with the amount of money Obama spends per year on entertainment, vacations and gifts.

“Michelle has to take her troupe of stylists, hairdressers, pedicure team, manicurists, personal trainers, dieticians and don’t forget the astrologers. The First Lady also has over 400 friends and hangers-on who will expect to be wined and dined at the expense of the the US taxpayer. Remember that ill fated trip to Spain a few years back? Well, this time Michelle will quadruple the budget spend and she wants Barry to pull all the NASA strings. If they can have a bouncy castle up there in the temporary space station for the guests, she will make damn sure that they get one. As for the food, it ain’t gonna be that nasty astronaut slop in plastic sacks, she wants Obama to fix it so that the guests get a real chef to serve up gourmet macrobiotic health food,” a White House aide revealed.

Many House Republicans have said they hope the trip is a one way ticket to some galaxy far far away.

Man Finds Life on Mars Behind Sofa

Juan Joder
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0
Man Finds Life on Mars Behind Sofa

“I was looking for the CD for two whole days. It’s my favourite David Bowie record and I finally found it in the back crack of my sofa. I felt so liberated, like I had achieved something. Thank you, there really is Life on Mars and even though there were ketchup stains all up the box I just wiped it off and it’s as good as new,” Budd Mayerschlitz, told local news outlets after finding the long lost album.

The good news was also hailed by the man’s long-suffering girlfriend Irene Danitz, who said: “He was getting ready to download the whole album for free from some torrent site but I stopped him. We want Bowie to get some royalties because his shite new album will probably only sell about 50 copies worldwide and downloading music for free is an awful thing to do to artists.”

NASA meanwhile has not found any life on Mars.

North Korea Launches Pebbles Into South China Sea

Juan Joder
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0
North Korea Launches Pebbles Into South China Sea

“This is a threat because those pebbles looked kind of threatening. Some even skimmed along the surface of the calm water before disappearing into the murky yellowy green depths,” an observer from a rubber dinghy off the North Korean shore told Reuters news agency Friday.

There is reason to believe that North Korea could up the scale of the threat by launching bricks or even large wooden timbers into the sea.

“You can never underestimate the North Korean threat. This is why we have brought in our anti sticks and stones defence systems to neighbouring islands,” US Homeland Security officer, Colonel Miles Fenster told CNN news yesterday.

Mervyn King: “Economic Recovery in Sight”

Juan Joder
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0
Mervyn King: “Economic Recovery in Sight”

As the once teeming with life High Streets of Britain are now boarded up graffiti ridden ghost towns with tumble weed made from rubbish blowing through their cold freezing façades, take a look around you, we are about to witness a full economic recovery because the outgoing Governor of the Bank of England says so.

As you tuck your starving kids into their soiled sheets in the freezing hovel which you cannot afford to heat, why not tell them about how the Governor has assured everyone that good times are ahead.

Put your grandparents on a death pathway in some sodden crumbling underfunded NHS death trap ward and look around at the nurses and doctors ignoring all the patients as they slowly die of starvation and lack of water.

Don’t forget the squalid state schools where no one can speak English any more and your child is put in the back of the overcrowded class, ignored by the overworked barely functioning teachers strained to breaking point.

Try and buy a bus ticket if you can afford one or take out a bank loan if you can get one to afford a train ticket to go to work. Don’t forget your car though, that thing left in the drive because you cannot pay the MOT, exorbitant road tax, insurance, let alone fill it up with petrol taxed at 95% of the price.

Can’t get a job? There is hope though, try to open a business and make a living in an economy and system which taxes you to non existence and destitution.

Oh, and another thing, Governor Sir Mervyn King says there is an economic recovery coming soon.

New Pope Wants Catholic Church to Invade Falklands

Juan Joder
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3
New Pope Wants Catholic Church to Invade Falklands

“We will mobilise the Catholic church and invade the Falkland Islands. Once we throw the Brits out and their stupid referendum, we will build a miniature copy of St Paul’s Basilica there and put an Argie flag on top of it,” pope Jorge Bergoglio, aka Francis I, told the crowd awaiting his first appearance as pope, Wednesday.

The new pope has spoken of his desire to bring honour to his homeland of Argentina once and for all.

Argentine president, Cristina Kirchner was very happy at the news of the Argentinian pope and celebrated by getting more botox into her swollen rubber lips.

“blabber blibber blubber,” she said to a TV audience from her Buenos Aires presidential mansion.

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