New Pope Wants Catholic Church to Invade Falklands

VATICAN CITY - Italy - The new Argentinian pope has vowed to invade the Falkland Isles some time next week, papal sources have revealed.

“We will mobilise the Catholic church and invade the Falkland Islands. Once we throw the Brits out and their stupid referendum, we will build a miniature copy of St Paul’s Basilica there and put an Argie flag on top of it,” pope Jorge Bergoglio, aka Francis I, told the crowd awaiting his first appearance as pope, Wednesday.

The new pope has spoken of his desire to bring honour to his homeland of Argentina once and for all.

Argentine president, Cristina Kirchner was very happy at the news of the Argentinian pope and celebrated by getting more botox into her swollen rubber lips.

“blabber blibber blubber,” she said to a TV audience from her Buenos Aires presidential mansion.