Please do not bother yourself with worrisome geopolitical matters, carry on with your inane bubble life. You will not need to stockpile food, prepare for a banking collapse or any other serious things like survival.

1) Please carry on surfing your Facebook page with your vacuous friends and at all costs do not think about the Ukraine and the invasion by Russia. Post more pictures of the meal you had, or better still more pictures of your kids, you are a great parent and you need to affirm this by posting pictures of every achievement they do. Oh, you’ve got a friend you don’t agree with have you? Well, it’s simple just delete them and they’re gone.

2) You must watch the latest episode of Come Dancing. This is so much more important than all out war, I wonder who is going to get thrown out this time?

3) Have you got the latest smartphone app, it’s out on android and iphone, you need to download this app and play the game for hours. If you do happen to hear any air raid sirens, simply get under your bed covers and continue playing. Don’t forget to take a selfie when the bomb drops.

4) Ah, you’ve just noticed the price of petrol has increased by 35%, as have all utilities and food prices. Do not worry yourself with such trivialities, just carry on with the latest episode of Big Brother or other reality show. Don’t forget to phone in to vote for your favourite contestant and naturally you have to be so engrossed in the show that you must talk about it at every opportunity.

5) Have you got the latest fashionable outfit? Well, this is very important. You must spend all your money on looking your best and be in with the in crowd. If you don’t do this you are unfashionable, and that’s verging on criminality, besides you have to look your best for that special supermarket trip where you can look at all the empty shelves on display.

6) What’s that celebrity doing? This is very important, you must read about celebrity x who has just thrown a tissue on the pavement and not bothered to pick it up. You must comment on it on entertainment sites and make it your life’s mission to follow inconsequential banal drippings from the entertainment section or you will be left behind in everyday conversation. Ideally, the right hand side of the Daily Mail should be your primary reading list, forget about everything else.

An emergency team of libtards left the airport in Washington D.C. yesterday morning, MSNBC host, Bozo Limprist, said from his show.

The libtard team are armed with all sorts of things to stop the Russian soldiers in the Ukraine.

“We’re going to reason with these brutes holding guns. Put down the weapons you might shoot someone. It’s dangerous. Also you brute Russians need more styling, what is this cammo stuff you’re wearing? It’s so unfetching, I believe a nice v neck, some designer glasses and Jack Kerouac book under your arm would be more fashionable. These Russians need to open a few more pot shops in Crimea, then they could relax a little better, and don’t forget your Kool aid you Russian war people with guns, drink up and you can be just like us,” Mr Limprist, told his audience on MSNBC.

No one told any of the Obamamites that if it wasn’t for U.S. and EU meddling in Kiev, the Russians would not have invaded the country.

There is no need to worry with all this warring nonsense going on in the Crimea, Flashy’s here to the rescue with his trusty sabre waving it around as Lord Cardigan points to the Russians over the hill.

“Haw,haw,” says he, “it is Fwashman, I see. Hiding away from this glowious battle I dare say? Haw-haw. How-de-do, Fwashman? I decware that ass Camowen and his Eeyew chums in Bwussels got us into a wight old mess and muwdered the Wight Bwigade. Haw-haw. Always was a pwepostewous bwaggard! Haw-haw!”

After the bloodbath, it is naturally customary as an officer and a gentleman to retire to one’s yacht for a hearty champagned slap up meal, and watch re-runs of the rout on the news.

With Vladimir Putin wiping the egg off his face after a major Ukrainian humiliation, the Russian president has vowed to move the winter Olympics from Sochi to Kiev.

“I was wiping the rotten egg off my face this morning and I thought to myself, wasn’t Sochi a wonderful distraction for me? Here was the Russian team winning medals when over in the Ukraine I didn’t notice the capital city being taken over. This is why I’m moving the Sochi Olympics to Kiev. We can have another winter Olympics, this time with even more Molotov cocktails,” Mr Putin said from his luxury apartment in the middle of Moscow.

Some of the winter Kiev Olympic sports that will be displayed:

1) Molotov bob sleigh

2) Ukraine ski shoot

3) Natoboarding

4) World War III skating (on cracked ice)

5) Baton curling (with a bullet riddled steel shield)