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Why Black Olives Matter

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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6
Why Black Olives Matter

 

Yes, you may be outraged at the thought of unceremoniously plonking a black olive on your Shephard’s pie, or your Toad in the Hole, but olives are good for you, and black olives are the best, not those green ones.

We must preserve the purity of the olive and it can only be black, because frankly, it matters, it matters a lot. Arrest the black olive with your taste buds, incarcerate them in your belly, and shoot them into your gullet, one by one, hmmm.

Preserving the black olive engenders a certain earthy Mediterranean quality to any dish, and they say it is the key to long life.

Black olives matter so much that many don’t even skewer them on sticks, I mean how could you anyway especially if they have a pip. No, simply shoot them across your plate into your waiting mouth, sprinkle them in your salad garnished with the delights of the garden, some extra extra virgin, a sparkle of balsamic .

One could be lucky enough to own a grove of olive trees delighting in the wonders of black olives daily, but otherwise we’ll buy them in the supermarket

We must preserve black olives, because they matter. Black olives matter and they have for thousands of years so please don’t put a bullet in black olives, no, savour the taste and live a long life.

Superhuman Russian Olympic Athlete Seen Flying Over Rio De Janeiro

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
Superhuman Russian Olympic Athlete Seen Flying Over Rio De Janeiro

 

The athlete was running on the ground when he hop skipped and jumped revealing a special Russian made superman suit under his athletic gear.

“We had a speed gun with us and it went from 36 mph to Mach 4 in 2.4 seconds. There was a loud boom as he shot upwards into the sky soon reaching an initial altitude of 4,000 feet,” Robert Pestwick, a British adjudicator told the BBC.

Benzedrinksi, who already has a tally of 174 gold medals had already won the 10,000 metre event 34 times over lapping other racers.

Brazilian air traffic controllers said they tracked the athlete flying at speeds of 4939.2 km/h, and reaching altitudes of 41,000 feet before returning to the Olympic village.

No one knows where the Russians get their superhuman strength from and are completely clueless.

This Year’s A-Level Celebration Photos Disappointing Say Men

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
This Year’s A-Level Celebration Photos Disappointing Say Men

 

 

“Every year we get shots of young women, fresh for the picking jumping up in fields with their little skirts riding high and their ecstatic bodies quivering with joy. This year has been positively morose with only one or two young ladies, and they were munters too,” an unhappy man said grumbling whilst reading the Telegraph.

According to exam boards, this year the A-level results cannot be altered as easily as previous years and the exams have not been dumbed-down as much. This erroneous change means there will be less photos of lithe young ladies celebrating in the fields of their educational establishments.

Exam board spokesman for Fofqual, Matthew Chunder, said: “If we remove the blatant dumbing-down of previous exams where everyone got A grades, this year we made the A-level exams as they should be and were in previous eras, although not as hard. This is why you are now seeing fewer ladies dancing in fields and only the really clever girls celebrating.”

Let us hope next year all this piffling nonsense will be over and things will get back to normal.

Two 20 Year-Olds Just Got $300 Million From the Pentagon

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
Two 20 Year-Olds Just Got $300 Million From the Pentagon

 

 

What does $300 million look like? Tell that to two lucky guys who scored a massive arms contract from the Pentagon and they’re only in their 20s.

The Miami boys, labelled the War Dogs, say they are over the moon and need more space for the cash.

“I know Zuckerberg would think this is chump change but for us it’s like we just hit the jackpot,” one of the team, David Packouz told CNN.

Going from zero to hero in less than a year, the guys got the Pentagon contract with a little more creativity than honesty.

“Getting contracts from the government is easy, you just need to cook the books, make your company look legit, then undercut the seasoned competition. Dang, we even smoked a joint before the meeting with the top brass but they never realised,” an ecstatic Efraim Diveroli revealed whilst languishing in his new Ferrari.

How about the kudos factor?

“Well, if our story does not make it to Hollywood I don’t know what will? Not only will we be rich from the Pentagon contract but the rights for the story or something. I don’t know how it works. Jeez, maybe design a new guitar pedal. We’re making so much money it’s almost like selling Chinese bullets to the US military whilst wild eyed cut throat Albanians sharpen their knives around you,” Packouz quipped counting another wad of hundred dollar bills.

One way or another, these two guys will get their fair share and more. Here’s to real ingenuity, guts, greed and war dogs.

Trump Calls On Unhinged Americans to Do Something About Hillary

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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7
Trump Calls On Unhinged Americans to Do Something About Hillary

 

 

In an extraordinary speech on Tuesday in Wilmington, North Carolina, Donald Trump said:

“If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know. But I’ll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.”

hillary-clinton

Trump later claimed he meant unifying second amendment people to politically block Hillary Clinton from revoking the second amendment, however one must look at the inflection and choice of words during the speech. “..maybe there is” suggesting anything is possible, then “I don’t know” another subtle suggestion of anything, and then the clincher “that would be a horrible day” meaning an ominous negative outcome, i.e. a shooting.

It is these subtle yet obvious calls to action that can easily be construed as an endorsement to attack Clinton. There are millions of Americans who will kill to save their right to bear arms, and there are millions of unhinged mentally ill Americans who are not only on medication but have the voracity to hear Trump’s call to action and act on it.

Trump’s latest escapade is proof positive that he himself is unhinged, and would readily resort to violence if things do not go his way. Like all bullies, Trump must have his way whatever happens, and he is used to yes men, to those who obey him, when that does not happen, Trump loses his short temper eventually leading to violence.

This is not about being left or right, this is about sanity and insanity

If there is any sanity left in America today, Trump followers must look upon this man and at least question his ability to lead responsibly.

The world is in grave danger if this man comes into the presidency. If you follow Trump without question, just take a step back for a second, think to yourself, why are you doing this? Remember to question at all junctures, this man, Trump, and you will see that what he says is not that of a sane person but of an unhinged megalomaniac, a schizoid, a sociopath, and ultimately a power mad psychopath.

Trump followers, you are being duped, Trump does not care for you, he is using you. He just wants the power, and when he gets it, he will abuse the power, and ultimately you will suffer, along with the rest of the globe.

Awaken from your hypnotic stupor, and free yourselves, as you have been whipped into a frenzy by this man, you must open your eyes to the trickery, or you will all die when he becomes president.

 

GEOPOLITICS: Turkey Turns East in Alliance With Russia

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
GEOPOLITICS: Turkey Turns East in Alliance With Russia

 

 

For years the Turks have been the laughing stock of Europe with delayed impossible EU aspirations knocked at every turn. It was only a matter of time before Turkey turned away from the EU and Europe, a Christian club which views Islam as some sort of Satanic cult. The recent attacks in Germany, France and Belgium justifying the European phobia of everything Islamic.

Strategically, Turkey is a very important part of the globe, and Putin knows this very well as do NATO. Currently the US is using Incirlik military base in the East of the country, but for how long?

The recent attempted military coup has caused a further rift in the previous alliance between Turkey and the West.

Turkey currently has the second largest army in NATO, but an alliance with Russia would certainly cause a few ripples in the West if they were to lose the all important Turkish East-West bridge.

Despite Erdogan and Putin having a fierce bust up over a downed Russian jet, they seem to have patched things up. Russia, increasingly isolated by Western sanctions has found a friend in Turkey who are now negotiating bilateral trade deals to circumnavigate any EU sanctions.

In light of this new friendship where does this leave the geopolitical balance? On one side we now have Russia, China, Turkey, Iran and other former Soviet states, on the other side we have America, Canada, Australia, Britain, Israel, Japan and Europe. N. Korea is the joker in the pack and in effect could do anything it wishes if it came to the wire.

The globe is restructuring into new areas never before seen, and the balance of power is shifting daily. Of course, we must also factor in Syria, which has destabilised a vast swathe of the Middle East. For Israel, ISIS and their counterparts are not yet a risk simply because ISIS are killing other Muslims in the region. Israel naturally likes this, and is happy to watch for as long as it goes on, however if the so-called Caliphate comes closer to home, things may change. One must understand that the Levant means the territory of Israel as well.

The increasingly Islamist Turkey is now taking many steps backwards, erasing any sight of any Kemalist, secularist vision, backwards towards the Ottoman sultanate where Erdogan will rule with impunity. By siding with Russia today, just as the Turks sided with Germany in the First World War, they have played a new hand in the proceedings, and the West does not know how to handle it.

If Trump becomes president, he will soon find out that Putin is not his friend, but the Don is too stupid to realise that now. The balance of power could very well be up to Hillary Clinton to complement, and to reign in the testosterone fuelled antics. Our prediction that she will be made president was made on the 14th October 2015, and we still stand by our accurate prophesy that she will be the first female president of the United States of America.

For now, say goodbye to Turkey. The Turks have moved back East and won’t come back anytime soon.

 

GUANABARA BAY: Brazil Olympic Sewage Event Highlights

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0

 

The Angolan sailing team got off to a fanciful start when one of their sailors fell overboard with his mouth open. During the rescue attempt he had swallowed three used tampons, a diarrhoea filled nappy, a used condom and a large floating turd which had just been flushed.

Igonumu Akata, 34, a three time bronze medallist was conscious when brought on board but sadly died ten seconds later.

The raw sewage pouring into Guanabara Bay where the triathlon, sailing and marathon swimming events are taking place contain so much bacteria that even mild skin contact can mean serious infection.

“If you swallow the water you die. It’s really that simple,” said Australian Olympic triathlon athlete, Miles Dunbarr. Unfortunately after making his comment he was found floating in the sewage lifeless.

Brazilian Olympic officials have downplayed the concern for the swimming and sailing events by simply ignoring there is a problem of raw sewage.

Jaeieo Baiaiaiaiae, said: “In Brazil we are used to swimming in raw sewage. Given time, these athletes will get used to it too. We drink and swim in the water, there is no problem. Eventually you get used to pissing out of your anus with projectile diarrhoea.”

So far on the first day of events, 34 athletes have died, and 120 are in intensive care.

 

Superhuman Russian Olympic Athletes Wow the Crowd

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
Superhuman Russian Olympic Athletes Wow the Crowd

 

Dmitri Vodkarov, 24, for the men’s badminton shone through today when he leaped over 15 feet into the air to recover a shot that won the gold medal. Spectators were said to be flabbergasted as the Russian, without the use of springs or ropes just lifted off the ground effortlessly and whacked the shuttlecock into team USA’s court winning the game. No one knows how he managed to achieve such height and agility.

Olga Steroidkov, 19, utilised superhuman strength during the women’s 400m freestyle swimming competition by churning the sewage filled water like a human torpedo. Bystanders said she seemed to have a propeller or outboard motor strapped to her legs, but after she finished the race, it was evident she had no extra equipment. How did she do it?

Vlad Druggov, 22, spectacularly won gold for Russia at the 1000m kayak event. He sped so fast through the turd and nappy filled water that many spectators did not see him. TV crews had to slow the footage down and even then he was a blur. No one knows how he did it. He completed the event in 14 seconds.

Markov Dabeastov, 23, completed the men’s triathlon event in 23 minutes gaining a new world record and a gold medal. He completed the event so fast that an hour later, he was still waiting for the other competitors to cross the line.

Yuri Amphetaminov, 21, during the javelin event, managed a throw so spectacular that the crowd could not believe what they had just witnessed. The javelin travelled out of the stadium recording a massive 6.7 km distance. On landing, the javelin pierced through two concrete walls and a solid steel door.

These are some of the superhuman feats committed by the Russian athletes, and no one is sure how they did it. Russian president Vladimir Putin is said to be very proud of his country’s athletes and is thankful to the IOC for providing those extra rooms for privacy purposes.

So far the Russian gold medal tally is 1,200.

WIFI SNOOPING: Is the BBC Turning into a Creepy Evil Organisation?

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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3
WIFI SNOOPING: Is the BBC Turning into a Creepy Evil Organisation?

 

If you haven’t paid your TV licence for awhile you may be used to the aggressive threatening letters that are put through your door on a weekly basis, in fact this happens to people even if they pay their TV license but the brutish thuggery of the BBC knows no bounds, it now wants to monitor your web surfing habits.

BBC Invasion of Privacy

Page 38, 1.38

The BBC’s final detection and enforcement option is its fleet of detection vans. Where the BBC still suspects that an occupier is watching live television but not paying for a licence, it can send a detection van to check whether this is the case. TVL detection vans can identify viewing on a non ‐ TV device in the same way that they can detect viewing on a television set. BBC staff were able to demonstrate this to my staff in controlled conditions sufficient for us to be confident that they could detect viewing on a range of non ‐ TV devices.

Although this practice of snooping on peoples’ wifi habits is highly illegal, the BBC is utilising the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act to conduct its invasive snooping activities.

The data gleaned by the BBC could be useful for many purposes and capitalised on as they will have carte blanche to collect internet information from all households.

This new creepy malevolent behaviour by the BBC is in line with their past practices of harbouring and sheltering the likes of Jimmy Savile. No surprises at all.

Has the BBC Turned Into a Creepy Old Auntie?

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Huge Sinkhole in China Swallows At Least 347,000 People

Hu Yu Hai Ding
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0
Huge Sinkhole in China Swallows At Least 347,000 People

 

At least 347,000 people fell into the 300 metre (980 feet) long, 290 metre wide and nine mile deep sinkhole, which appeared during heavy rain in downtown Zhengzhou, in the central province of Henan, the Beijing Youth Daily said, citing witnesses.

An initial investigation showed the collapse might have been caused by overflowing sewage pipes buried under the road breaking up due to the rain, provincial firefighters said in a social media posting.

High ranking communist official Li Yung Gunk was insouciant about the tragedy: “By 2pm today our population will grow by 5.6 million people. This is like a drop in the ocean.”

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