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Latest Thrill Seek: Getting Dragged Off a United Airlines Flight

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Thousands of thrill seekers are flocking to United Airlines booking offices across the U.S. with the hope they get dragged kicking and screaming from a flight before it takes off.

“We saw that guy, he was treated worse than an animal being pulled by those burly thugs just so they could have a member of staff take his seat. It would definitely be exciting, maybe tie a bungee cord to your seat so when they drag you out shtooom you fly back in,” Brad Mycine, 21, an avid extreme sports fan told Fox News.

The way that some airline passengers are treated has always been a fascinating topic, however to pull people by their hair or legs off a flight is a next step in brutality.

Psychologist Dan Barnes tried to explain why United Airlines would do such a thing.

“They just don’t care, literally they don’t give a shit about paying passengers. They see so many every day, it’s like nothing to them to drag one off a plane. They’re conditioned over many years to not care or feel anything.”

One board member for United Airlines said: “The fuckers are lucky we don’t drag them off the plane at 35,000 feet.”

Michio Kaku and Richard Dawkins in Fist Fight Drama

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According to reports from assembled revellers and science enthusiasts, the fight was started over who gets the most amount of air time on TV shows as experts in the field of science.

Mr. Know it all

Kaku was bragging that he gets paid to discuss fantastic scientific future events on TV sometimes three or four times a day to dumb but fascinated Americans, when Dawkins came in with a right hook connecting just below Kaku’s chin. Then Dawkins started spouting book sales numbers, and saying he was the real scientist and not some game show performing monkey like Kaku. This is when it went to the next level, Kaku who is Japanese, suddenly connected with a karate punch to Dawkins’ balls and the fight was over,” Bella Donna, a science enthusiast who attended the event, told New Scientist magazine.

Sadly the book signing was cut short due to the fracas and the police swooping on the two scientists.

One astrophysicist present said: “At least they should have discussed something more scientific. I can understand a heated debate about dark energy or perhaps where that pesky baryonic matter resides, or what caused the re-ionization of the universe 13 billion years ago. What a bunch of poseurs. It’s a good thing Stephen Hawkins was not present, he would have had both of them.”

Nicola Sturgeon Gives Birth After Sudden Pregnancy

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“We were on a field trip to the Highlands. You know to soak in the Scottish spirit of the wild. I noticed that Ms Sturgeon looked a little bloated. Without a word, she farted and this fish smell hit us. It was like a caviar smell that has gone off. Anyway, next thing we know she’s rushing down the water’s edge near the reeds. She lifts her skirt and plops down in the freezing waters. We rushed over to see if she was all right, when these big black eggs started to fill the water. Her eyes turned upwards as she let out this god awful gurgling sound. Sturgeon was laying them from her bottom or some att, not sure.” Bruce McCollery, SNP deputy in charge of PR, told the Scotland Times.

Much to the delight of the assembled SNP troupe, it all turned out well.

“Luckily, one of us had some crème fraîche, and crackers with some Pouilly-Fuissé, we scooped the lot up, munching away and then it hit us. We could use Nicola Sturgeon to get Scotland out of this financial mess so we could leave England. We are going to use her to cultivate expensive caviar. Who needs a fish farm when you’ve got her, she nearly filled up the whole lake with eggs. We could sell ’em to rich Californians for a packet,” Mr. McCollery added.

Coming soon to the plates of the rich and famous, a plate load of Nicola Sturgeon eggs excreted from her fat and productive duille.

sturgeon-caviar

 

 

North Korean Air Force Readies Itself For Trump Showdown

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“We will not bow down to American imperialist aggression and our amazing air force is on standby to shoot the Americans wherever we see them. They will not even get close to our shores and their tin pot ships will be sunk to the bottom of the ocean,” Ling Fuk Yu, the North Korean air force commander in chief told state news services on Tuesday.

The North Korean air force is a deadly opponent that should not be underestimated. With a fleet of three aircraft and a dozen home made flying contraptions that have a top speed of 16 mph, the U.S. will soon realise they have made a huge mistake.

Despotic communist leader, Kim Jong-un was on hand to inspect the air force later on in the day.

“We will crush the Americans. I see all of you young pilots ready for action in order to defend our nation of heroes. All twenty three of you are heroes. You will give your lives for your supreme leader and country. Now excuse me while I am driven to my bunker. Goodbye.”

The Natural “high” – What is Your Drug of Choice?

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It all boils down to pleasure. Being one of our largest motivators throughout all mankind our bodies have various ways of providing us with this sensation, such as producing endorphins.

You might have heard someone describe how something felt like “such a rush”. Maybe you heard a story about someone who broke a bone and didn’t realize until hours afterwards. In either case, it’s safe to say endorphins were involved.. Often referred to the brains “pleasure chemical”, endorphins are produced by the pituitary gland in moments of excitement, but also during moments of pain or anxiety and at times of remarkable mental or physical stress. It is what turns our excitement into pleasure, relieves our pain and pushes our bodies beyond its capabilities when necessary.

A common way of recreating this process naturally is Extreme Sports. It may be activities such as Bungee Jumping, Skydiving, Mountain Climbing or Cliff Diving. There are numerous ways “deceive” our brain into thinking we are in remarkable danger, lethal even. When our brain perceives that are under remarkable stress and danger it’ll go into overdrive producing not only endorphins, but also other hormones, dopamine and beta-endorphins.

Our pulse starts racing as the heart beats faster, getting blood into both our brain and muscles much quicker than usual. As our reaction quickens, time slows down. We’re able to perceive our surroundings with senses heightened far above normal level. Maybe now you’ll understand why some people enjoy throwing themselves out of airplanes!

Working somewhat similar to how extreme sports triggers these effects would be Exercise, exerting ourselves beyond our limits triggers very similar responses. It may be through lifting heavy weights or simply running, our bodies have a lot of tricks to surpass our current abilities!

But there are ways of making our bodies produce these substances without throwing yourself from a cliff with nothing but a rope or climbing Everest. Should you feel like something more in-doors then fear not, there are various activities for that too. Your drug may be music, reading, spending time with loved ones or why not try your hand at a Live Casino? As studies have shown, the amount of endorphins these activities release can be enormous.

So, what is your drug of choice? Leave a comment below and see what other readers do for their kicks.

Love at First Sight at EDL March

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“I was going to first kick her in the head for being a paki scum, but when I looked in her eyes, I fell in love. She smiled at me, and I thought to myself, why am I being such a racist twat? Everyone in this world is just born the way they are and we should let people exist even if their skin colour is dark like dirt,” EDL leader Ian Crossland, told the BBC after the march.

So, what prompted such a drastic change of heart? According to reports, a young Asian lady turned up and simply smiled at the group of EDL supporters.

“She was smiling, and you could see she was not scared of the hate mob. It was incredible. I saw one EDL guy simply sit down on the grass crying. The leader of the group says he is now in love and the happy couple are to marry next month,” one bemused onlooker recalled.

k1

Why Wasn’t There Any Religion Before Humans Existed?

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In a world where religion is all encompassing and infects every part of human consciousness and culture, it is a pertinent question that begs to be answered.

“Before humans inhabited the planet en masse, there were only animals. These animals went about their daily business without gods, religions or prophets. It was only when man gained full consciousness and the ability to linguistically articulate that gods and prophets were introduced to the human condition.

“This incredible moment of creating gods was to compensate for the unknown. Here was man, under the stars looking up into this great black mass and it was unknown. Anything unknown is a superstitious jump in the human brain where the void is simply filled by gods and their actions. The rain that falls one day, or the lightning in the sky, these were unknowns to early man, and all attributed to the gods. Volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, and of course great floods.

“If one was to analyse the human brain in all cultures, there is a propensity to create religion in man. It is most certainly an in built function of the human brain, and analyzing each different culture and religion we see the same spots light up in the brain scans.

“Even though ancient cultures were divided by oceans and mountains, we see the same patterns in South America as we do in South East Asia, and through to Europe and the Middle East, as well as Australasia. The unknown can only be answered by creating gods, and the unknowns help to deal with the ultimate unknown — death.

“When you die, does your soul essence, this electrical mind, the little wisp of light arise from the body or is there full brain death and then just nothing? We will most probably never as a species fully understand that, but in all certainty, one thing is sure in death, and that is the vehicle i.e. the body is vacated and something departs or is merely switched off. Within this universe, nothing can be totally destroyed, if one pours a cup of water onto the floor, the droplets evaporate and eventually come back down to earth again, the same must be said about what inhabits the body of a creature that is alive. That spark, that initial electrical charge, either switches off or is released through some sort of universal memory into the ether.

“If the earth were to explode today. The universe would still exist as it has done for millennia, there would be little or no change. The universe does not care, it just exists. Man made religions are just questions, they cannot be deemed as fact, they are stories made by humans to react to the utter magnificence of our world and reality, as well as the unknown. Reading any religious book, one must take into account the culture that created that book, the superstitions of the culture, and also the race of the book creators. The linguistic style of the written religious book also gives away many things to the creation time of the piece and the people who created it.

“There are no prophets today or religious bibles written, because we have science to disprove nonsense, however this same science did not exist in the Middle Ages or prior and generational brainwashing has been allowed to take place. Religions today are basically systems of control that have survived in human culture because they are very effective tools in managing large swathes of people. Religions certainly do not want progress, or lateral thinking or any form of logic, for them this would awaken the masses who are their lifeblood and money supply.”

Communist Remoaners Have a Go at Sir Michael Caine

 

Listen here you snivelling wart, Remoaner communist eu-loving scum, before you have a go at Sir Michael Caine, you come over here to the Daily Squib offices and we’ll put some sense into you idiots.

If you’re a Remoaner, you are effectively a traitor to your own country, you support a German led EU Reich, a Marxist EU construct that utilises soviet collectivist techniques to take over sovereign nations and assimilate them into an EU Soviet Union.

If you hate Britain so much go and live in Germany. You Remoaners are pathetic weasels and cowards, you are the lowest form of sub-human detritus, you are lower than dog shit on a shoe.

Do not mess with Michael Caine, one of the coolest gentleman actors that ever lived. We watch Dirty Rotten Scoundrels in the Squib office daily, and we even have our own Ruprecht spot and a cuff handy. Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma!

Sir Michael Caine was also great in the new Batman movies, until that Jeremy Irons fella took over. He’s not as good as Michael, and we suspect is a Remoaner, but that’s neither here nor there. Where were we? Ah, leave Sir Michael Caine alone.

Remainers are blind to what slavery under the EU means. They are completely clueless to the aspirations for an EU army, or the inhibitive rules and regulations the EU were putting on Britain.

You Remoaner scum would prefer to live in a slave like existence dictated by unelected EU Stasi officials. Are you brainless morons to want such a thing? Are you masochists? We all know you are treasonous traitors who would have collaborated with Germany in WW2, but your stance is ridiculous and is illogical.

Before you have a go at Sir Michael Caine, come to the Squib offices and we’ll sort you out.

Trump the War President Dips His Toe Into Syria

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There is no doubt that Syria’s leader, Assad is a butcher, an evil killer who sees his own people as mere pieces of meat, to be barrel bombed and gassed, but is Trump’s action of sending 58 odd Tomahawk missiles onto a Syrian airfield justified?

Hell yeah, and not only that, we need Trump to put boots on the ground to clean out Assad once and for all, either to take him to The Hague or string him up from one of his palaces.

Our intelligence sources think that Assad is probably not in Syria, the coward that he is, he is probably holed up in some Eastern European country or deep in Russia somewhere, so this may be a problem.

As for Russia, Putin’s protests about any U.S. action should be firmly ignored. Putin needs to shut up and take a back seat, his efforts in Syria are pathetic, and his ageing military are defunct next to the American forces that should sweep through like a knife through butter.

Under Obama, there was silence, cowardice and apathy. Under Trump we have war, serious movement towards change and all out conflict.

War will be a breath of fresh air from a once stale Obama led spending spree on nothing. Obama in all his years achieved absolutely nothing but spending of U.S. tax dollars on his cronies.

North Korea is the joker in the pack, Trump can take that out in three weeks. Once N. Korea becomes a de facto U.S. military base on the door step of China, the global order will slowly change.

Russia was allowed to recover from communism, China was allowed to sell their cheap plastic trinkets to the West to increase their military strength. The U.S. needs valid strong enemies, and is prepared to absorb a first strike, but when it comes to war, nothing beats the equipment the U.S. will finally unleash upon their enemies.

With dwindling finite resources on the planet, there can only be one singular global winner…and it’s not going to be Russia or China.

The already won race begins in earnest..

Can Gaming Skills be Transitioned to the Everyday?

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Indeed, without gaming you could miss out on the skills that can be taught via the joystick, keyboard, control pad and dice, including hand-eye co-ordination, mathematics, problem-solving and strategy, not to mention the huge benefits certain games can have on memory and recall.

When it comes to gaming, no two experiences are ever the same, regardless of how many times you play a title. Opponents, tactics, hands, shuffles, dealers and dice rolls are likely to be different each time we switch on, increasing the potential to learn and develop skills.

For anyone who’s ever been told that video games, online casinos and simulators rot your brain, here is the counter-argument.

Video games

Video games are a great entertainment medium; used as stress relievers, mood boosters and boredom banishers, video games are the go-to hobby for millions of people all around the world.

But have you ever stopped to think about the skills that can be learned from each video game you play? From obvious transferable skills, like hand-eye coordination, problem solving, strategy, social networking and special awareness, to those that relate to specific games and genres, there are many legitimate reasons beyond enjoyment to carry on playing the games you know and love.

Some of the more specific skills include learning an instrument, navigation, code breaking, vehicle maintenance, all kinds of sports, engineering, complex mathematics, languages, programming, coding, typing and even singing and dancing.

The computer games industry is a vast and varied one, and the skills you could be learning almost innumerable, even if some of them will be basic at best.

Casino games

Surely casinos can’t teach transferable skills? You’d be surprised. Games like poker are fantastic for a whole range of skills that can be applied to everyday situations, such as lateral and logical thinking, complex mathematics, concentration and problem solving, as well as plenty of patience and the ability to hide your intentions. Oh, and memory; rather apt that that’s almost forgotten.

Hundreds of books have been written about poker, not to mention articles and blog posts, such as those that can be found on 888poker. Although primarily about playing the game, such literary efforts say a great deal about real life too – the skills they teach have as much of a place in real life as they do at the poker table.

Simulation games

In the real world, simulation games are not so much an advantage as they are a necessity. Even their use for entertainment has its benefits. While many simulation games are designed with an express aim in mind, such as medical training, teaching business strategy, providing retail experience and simulating flight preparation, others are subtler when it comes to to
transferable skills.

Games such as The Sims, Farming Simulator, FIFA, Transport Tycoon, SimCity and Theme Park teach players problem solving, holistic thinking, conflict resolution and methodology, as well as educating them on a certain subject matter. All these skills are useful, if not essential, to our understanding of the world around us, and some of the challenges it presents.

So, the next someone suggests you spend less time gaming and more time in the real world, you can inform them that your hobby is the reason you now have a comprehensive knowledge of European football, have a reasonable idea of how to pilot a passenger plane circumnavigate the globe and know how to solve complex mathematical equations. They may scoff, but you will definitely know better.